How would you discipline your teenager?

You're too angry and upset to deal with this. Disciplining in anger is usually a bad idea (can't be helped some times, but should always be avoided if possible).

So, this is the only major disciplinary problem you've had in years? If so, consider yourself lucky.

Now, you claim you had a long talk with her. I've been around enough parents and kids to know that you did no such thing. You LECTURED to her at length. I can also tell you that your words went in one ear and out the other.

What you are dealing with is someone who is establishing her own identity. I suppose that years ago this would have been called "teen rebellion", but it isn't really that, and I don't think that's the best way to look at it. This is a natural process that every teen goes through. You can't fight it, you're guaranteed to lose if you do. Stopping this is like trying to stop puberty...it ain't happening.

As a parent, your job is to figure out why she chose this particular means of asserting herself rather than, say, picking an outfit to wear that you don't like. Of course it's inappropriate to steal and this must not be condoned...that's not the point. If you're looking at this in terms of "bad influences", you don't get it. People CHOOSE their associates. If she's hanging out with people you don't like, and you step in to forbid it, one of two things will happen: Either she'll go behind your back and see them anyway, or she'll find a new bunch of bums to hang out with. Your goal as a parent is to make her WANT to make better friends, and there is no punishment you can levy on her that will make her do that.

My parenting strategy (and it's been very effective with my own, now grown offspring) is to allow the natural consequences of actions whenever possible. You didn't mention if there were any legal consequences of her actions. If it were my kid, I would focus on doing everything I could to see that her behavior didn't go on her record, while permitting the system to levy any other practical punishment that it saw fit. If she gets a fine (and there may be a civil fine from the store even if there isn't a criminal fine imposed by the court), she pays it, even it if comes out of her allowance for year. If there is a diversion program that will keep this off her record, she enrolls in it, and you enforce the terms of it with an iron fist. If she has classes to go to, she goes to them, no exceptions, etc. You don't make a big deal of this, and you don't lecture. If she wants to talk about it, fine. If she starts whining, the response should be something along the lines of, "I'm sorry you can't hang out with ____ tonight, but when you shoplift, you have to go to class." And that's all that needs be said. She can pout all she wants, but you don't have to condone it or combat it.

This is an opportunity to rebuild trust with your daughter. Not your trust in her, her trust in you. Regardless of how tough your are on her, she needs to be able to see that you really have her best interests at heart. And what you do matters far more than anything you say.

If I'm right your a mum well your daughter from what i can tell was a student in the background who gets good results like me but then she met one girl who led her to another group who got her to steal it for her how to deal with this well whenever i do something bad like talk in class or come home less than half an hour late i get a warning and then on the 1 in a billion chance grounded you need to speak to your husband and you need to do something i'd hate my mum to do spy on her take away her laptop if she has one and her phone cut off her connections with her friends and you may wanna go through her phone and laptop it may sound off puting but it'll give a insight into what she's saying with her friends and if she has a password on her phone ask her why she has one and if she's hiding something or you could take them to someone who can unlock them for you this hasn't happened to me since i'm a good boy and i'll never steal

Instead of punishing her or reprimanding her, find out why she shoplifted. Get to the root of the problem.