How do I get my mom to stop yelling at us so much?

Question

My whole life my mom has always yelled at me and my little brothers. I'm 13 and my little brothers are 10 and 4 and my mom can't just like talk to us in a normal voice she always has to yell especially when shes really mad. And she yells at us for really stupid things sometimes like spilling water which is so easy to clean or if we didn't hear her or something. Everyone in my family has tried to tell her she needs to stop yelling, but she thinks she knows absolutely knows everything so she won't listen. Last night me her and my 4 yo brother were driving home and she was yelling at him because he was upset because he dropped his cars on the floor and couldn't reach them (hes very sensitive about his cars) and I was fed up so I told her to stop the car I was gonna walk home and so we got in to a big fight about it and she kept telling me about how im not a parent i dont know what im talking about and im the kid and shes the adult so that means everything i say is wrong and shes right and that i need to stop telling her what she needs to do and if she doesnt yell we wont listen which isnt true. I babysit my 4 yo brother and he listens to me and i never have to yell or spank him and I cant take her yelling anymore it makes me not even want to be around her anymore and were homeless right now im at the library using the computer and no one wants to let us live with them because they cant stand her yelling all day for no reason. So what should I do I really need some help please. And if you were wondering my mom is only 30 shes not married but she has a boyfriend who loves and is trying to help us as much as he can but she isnt putting any effort in on her side. And I know she isnt abusing my physically but she is mentally and she doesnt realize how much it hurts us and she thinks there is nothing wrong with yelling at us like that so she doesn't want to get help but me and my brother both have depression it runs in our dads side and she refuses to accept that and my brother has even said he wanted to kill himself before because its to painful to be in this world and I'm the same way but hes 10 he shouldn't be feeling like that.

marys.momma · Accepted Answer

It's a long-standing issue, that's for sure.  Your mom has a fixed idea that the louder she yells, the more results she's going to get.

One way to try to break this cycle, when she automatically starts yelling, is to calmly say to her, "Mom, I'm entirely willing to do whatever you say to do.  You don't have to raise your voice.  Just tell me what you want, as if I were someone you didn't know very well."

Then make darn sure you mind her, promptly.

I hope this works for you.  It will probably take quite a while.

Amber · Answer

I can sort of picture the feeling. Just remember this one thing, your mom loves you. She went through the hard time to have you and your brothers. I could take a guess that she might be in a mad mood when she yells. Has she seriously never been nice at least ONCE? Or maybe more. I'm pretty sure she's been normal a lot of times, and you can't really remember it because it's common. She doesn't yell at you every second of the day. If she yells or gets mad at something stupid, it's a good idea to ask why, and what's wrong. Try not to yell, act annoyed, or start a fight. It would just make things worse. A good idea for your brother who says he wants to kill himself, which I'm very sure he won't, is to remember and think of some good things he has. Like for example, the people in Africa or some bad country at war. The kids there would probably do ANYTHING to live in a good country, like you, and have a yelling mom. So basically what I'm saying is try to be calm and try to start understanding your mom a little. She might have something that's making her feel very uncomfortable. Good luck! :)

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How do I get my mom to stop yelling at us so much?

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