This is a hard one! Try to help me with my love!?

Okay here it goes.

Summer of 2012 i met this fantastic girl, she was so perfect, i couldn´t see anything wrong with her "ofcourse". I met her through a friend of mine form childhood. She lives 2 hours away from me, but there is is no trouble at all getting from here to there. For me it´s like living in a large city.

Before we became a couple, i said i didn´t want to, since my last relationship ended very bad. I had a psycopat girlfriend that cheated on my and was way too jealous. I couldn´t even have friends that were girls. I stayed very true with her and i didn´t even hug girls. Even though she cheated on me.

The real reason was because i was very sick at that time and been for 3 years that time, later i was diagnosed with chronic fatigue syndrome or CFS. Ofcouse i didn´t tell her at that time, that i was that sick, because i didn´t know how sick i actually was.

She convinced me, and we started visiting eachother alot. Every weekend.

After some time, i found out that she lied about her ex, they were a couple some months before me, she said. And that she fell in love with another buy afterwards. But when she began to meet me, she picked me instead of him. When she said that i felt a little odd, but i was okay for me. Ofcourse. Later on i found out that was only 4-5 months before she met me. I found out because her ex was still fighting with her over facebook.

Where the first fight get into picture..

I sent a relationship request to her, and yes, we were a couple and been for 3 months. And she accepted. But she hided it on her profile. I asked why, she wouldn´t tell. I was really upset. She later said that it was because of a boy that had feelings for her, and she didn´t want to break his heart because he had mental problems. Which i totaly understand. But then she also said, i don´t want to fight with my ex.. And then i asked, why do you got to have your ex in your life when you have me.. whats the point. " i started to understand she wasnt tottaly over him. "

These days i got a little jealous. I asked her if she could delete him and go on with her life, she refused and said "I can´t cut anyone away from my life". (which is total bullshit)

She broke up.

this was around september last year.

After some weeks i went there to talk with her. We agreed to meet again. And after i convinced her again to take me back, we became a couple again. We had a great time, untill the CFS started to kick in. I became a person, i don´t want to describe. Horrible. I said things, i became depressed. I said that i was going to take my own life to her. And horrible, horrible horrible things i regret so much about. She didn´t quite understand that it wasn´t me.. She really thought i was a bad person and influence. I couldn´t convince her otherwise since the doctors didn´t find anything wrong with me after 3 years. She was really upset, and said i wasnt the person she fall in love with.

December came, we had a great holiday together.

January. 2013

Went there, fell on the ground, got a dislocated shoulder. Otherwise we had a wonderfull time.

i went home, some days later, i found out things were about to fell apart. I wanted her to have my earphones, because she loves music. It´s a pretty expensive pair, she knew. And she refused. I quickly understood, that she wouldn´t accept a gift before she was going to break up...

I became upset, she became upset. 3 days later she asked me to call her, and she broke up over phone. I stayed out in the cold, in freckin -20 degrees celcius = 4 Fahrenheit for 2 hours to try to convince her not to break up.

She sad she lost her feelings for me, and the distance was too long. BS.

After alot of time, i gave up. Hung up. she said it was over forever and we couldn´t talk again.

Later the next day. Her ex messages me on facebook, confessing she have been cheating on me for over 2 months (i later found out it was 4 months). I was devestated. I became sick, threw up. I couldn´t think straight. I cried, alot.

I sent her some messages asking why, she wouldn´t answer.

One day she blocked me from everything. Blocking me out of her life.

Time went by, before the summer i asked her again to meet me, and she finally answered me after 5 months of not hearing a single word from her. I met her, she said she moved on, met another guy. In love again etc

Suddenly now out of nowhere, after 4 years. I got rid of CFS, and healthy like never before, and 4-5 weeks ago, she asked me how i was. We began to chat abit, like old times. After 11months, she wrote to me for the first time.

I asked her if she wants to meet me again in january, she said she got to think about it, and didn´t know. And after that she haven´t said much. What must i do to convince her to meet me again? I love her of all my life, i think about her every minute of my life, from the day i met her.

ADVICE! Please none " you deserve better ". I must have her back..

Sorry for horrible English