Thoughts on this situation?

"any suggestions?"

if your 2-year-old is routinely being pushed, bitten, "strangled", and poked in the eye, my suggestion is that you watch them more closely when they're together before things get to that point.

if in fact the parents don't end up doing likewise with their new baby, feel free to say something. since the baby is not even born yet and there's no reason to think that they won't do what's necessary to keep him or her safe, it'd be very premature to do something now.

but for sure keep your opinions to yourself on their family's sleeping arrangements and whether or not the parents spank their 2-year-old, neither of which has anything to do with the price of tea in china.

I wouldn't be overly worried. I've seen this before. Usually, bout the time they bring the new little bundle of joy home, they get a clue. It's amazing, how some people will let their little darling terrorize other children, but soon as they have their next, that nonsense isn't allowed any more. Well, at least not to the new baby, some are still allowed to be horrible to others.

The lack of spanking, isn't the issue. There are other ways to enforce discipline. She's simply chosen not to.

My suggestion? Stay out of it. She isn't going to like, or listen to anything you have to say. Talking to your brother is probably pointless as well, as from the sound of it, he doesn't have much input in his own home and family.

"I can see "Jane" being very jealous of the baby and hurting the baby" that almost never happens. Anyway, you said your brother's wife is up to date in her knowledge on baby care. That means baby will be kept close to her, either in her arms or in a carrier most of the time. "Jane" wouldn't get an opportunity to hurt her.

let them sort it out. Preferably through non-violent ways. You seem very hung up on the idea that it's their parenting that's to "blame" for any issues, yet you yourself admit that children do have their own personalities and some are more determined than others, and some are more strong-willed than others.

"We teach them respect, safety and manners." which is it? Do you do that, or do you spank and expect them to obey you blindly out of fear of painful consequences to themselves? By the sounds of it, your children are young. Study after study as well as basic common sense shows that children brought up violence-free and are able to freely express themselves while young do a lot better in teenagehood, prepubescent stages and adult life. You're only thinking of the short-term. Your niece's mother is considering the long-term.

By the way, non-violent parenting is not modern. It's how children were traditionally parented for aeons especially before the world wars. And time and time again it's been shown throughout many cultures and historical epochs that non-violence and actual guidance, keeping them busy and teaching children is the best way to produce healthier, more well-adjusted individuals in societies.

Your brother shouldn't have to sleep on the couch just because his daughter's in the bed. Unless he's a drinker or takes medications or uses drugs he should be fine staying in the bed. It would seem he sleeps on the couch by choice.

If she's aggressive and if you want to find a way to blame parenting in any way, suggest that they do more activities with "Jane" which are highly energetic and let her run around and play outside more, and don't restrict what she does that's not harmful. You can't force a child not to misbehave, but you can guide them towards acceptable behavior as alternatives, and keep communication lines open and be constantly explaining things in simple language.

Edit: Your whole post is about blaming this girl's mother, so attacking me for noticing that and then saying I'm "hung up" on you blaming her is weird.

"Jane's" behavior screams of a child who gets yelled at and doesn't get a lot of interaction with adults who are role-modelling proper behavior. For a 2 year-old they learn more social skills from WATCHING and LISTENING to adults interact with eachother, and try to mimic that. So if you want to discuss anything with them, ask your brother how their marriage is, and whether or not they argue, and have they remembered that as well as being the center of attention, it's important that toddlers also get to tag along and actually be involved and can watch and listen.

My 6 year old niece was like that, aged 1 she met a boy who came round ours and she was rough with him.

She became an older sister when she was 18 months. My nieces are never smacked, they get told off.

My nieces aged 6 and 4 are big sisters to a 6 month old boy, they never handle him rough.

The 4 year old is actually protective of him.

Maybe they are not giving her enough attention, have you spoken to them about it?

maybe like the next time you go round to your brothers house like if 'jane' takes your childs toys off them or wont let them play with her then tell them to just leave her to it and go and play something else without her and then maybe she'll realise that they don't want to play with her because she's being horrible to them. maybe you coud just like sit down with the mum and talk to her about your concerns.

You need to just butt out. It's none of your business. It's their child.