Dating a man that is 13 years older ?

Question

I'm dating a man that is 13 years older than I am, I'm nineteen and he's thirty-two, his oldest child is 14 and youngest is 3. We've been together for a year last month and I love his children, they're really awesome kids to be honest. They're very smart and easy to fall in love with. Throughout our relationship I've made it very clear that I would like to have at least one biological child and he's always said that he would be fine with it, that he would give me a child whenever I thought I was ready and stuff like that. In may, after I had gotten switched over to a new birth control, I had gotten pregnant, he started freaking out, asking if I wanted to put the baby up for adoption, if I thought I was ready to care for a child, and saying things like "I never thought I would have to go through this again." This really hurt me, I had assumed that everything would be okay because we had talked about this happening and everything was fine at that point. I miscarried at 7 weeks and I can't help feeling that he was relived. He now refuses to have intercourse with me without a condom even though I'm now on the Depo shot, which doesn't bother me all that much except for the fact that he becomes desensitized and loses his erection after about 5 minutes, which in turn makes me feel undesirable.

I have some problems with some of the things he does, the mother of his youngest child moved in with him because she's having financial problems, which I can understand because she IS the mother of his child, but whenever she's at the house he and I don't talk as much and he tells me it's because he doesn't want to start any fights. He's asked me to move in with him after he moves because he's gotten a now job in a different city. I would love to, in theory, but I'm frighted about what would happen if I actually accepted his offer, would it be like when he told me that having another baby wouldn't bother him?

It also seems like he has more of a problem with our age difference than I do. He makes comments about how I couldn't take him home to my mother and things like that even though my mother knows about him, and when I told him that he said that it was weird that I told her.

Does anyone have any advice?? I would be very grateful.

John W · Accepted Answer

Melinda, I would be the first one to say that age isn't important, that it is just a number. But it seems you two are at different points in your respective lives. You seem to be thinking about starting a family. He seems understandably hesitant to do this having tried twice to do this. He appears to be saying a lot of things simply to appease you, probably because he cares for you and doesn't want to lose you. But I don't think what he is telling you is how he really feels, and that only comes out in stressful situations like the pregnancy you mentioned. Its kind of sad because it sounds like you really care about one another but just aren't on the same page when it comes to what you want out of life.

About the only advice I can give you is to trust your gut instincts. Your heart will always tell you that it is going to work out. and your mind will always try to protect you from getting hurt. But your gut will usually tell you what is the right thing to do in any situation.

Good luck

About the only advice I can give you is to trust your gut instincts.  Your heart will always tell you that it is going to work out. and your mind will always try to protect you from getting hurt.  But your gut will usually tell you what is the right thing to do in any situation.

Good luck

? · Answer

I know this isn't what you want to hear but honestly I would leave him. 
Here's why:
Moving his ex in is NOT normal and you shouldn't be ok with it, especially if you've been dating a year. In fact it sounds like there's more going on there than you know about if he doesn't talk to you as much when she's around. 
He has 2 kids with 2 different women at 32? That should kind of be red flag that this guy may not be the best person to get pregnant with, you probably dodged a bullet.
As far as having your own kid goes he's just telling you what you want to hear but doesn't really want another kid. So he'll deal with it should you get pregnant but he's not thrilled about the idea. You should never have a kid with a guy who is reluctant about it in the first place, terrible idea. Honestly I would look for a guy in his early to mid 20's who's position in life lines up a little closer to your's

moose · Answer

I'm sorry but I do not think this guy is good for you or the right man for you. When I was your age I only dated men that were at least 10 years older than me. It never worked out. They will tell you anything to get you to keep doing their bidding, but what does he do for you in return? Not much. He is using you as a baby sitter, He already has more than one Baby mama. And he says he wants you to move in, even tho, baby mama could be there, too. You know their are going to fool around when you are not there. Please, take my advice, as much as it hurts, but leave this guy. He is trying to get over on you. He doesn't even want your mother to know. That is a huge red flag. trust me. I have been there and it is painful the longer you stay. Get out while you can,

? · Answer

This is the annoying thing about dating older men.they never take you seriously.he doesn't even want a child with you,he freaked out when he found out you were pregnant and said u should give it up for adoption???that says so much.I say don't move in with him rather find someone your age,someone whose in the same level as you.Much worse things are to happen if you continue with this guy.

? · Answer

I don't know about his job or how much money he makes but maybe he's scared that he can't afford the living if he gets more kids. But I think he should have told you if that was the case.

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Dating a man that is 13 years older ?

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