What is your opinion on punishing kids for getting poor grades?

Question

I'm just reflecting back to my college days, particularly freshman year when I had peers and friends crying on my shoulder because they got a B. I would ask some of them why they see crying so much, and a few of them would say that they weren't allowed to get B's or they would get punished. One even said if she takes B's home her parents would stop paying tuition. I was never punished for poor grades, and in middle school there were a lot of them. If my grades sunk down to a C or lower, my parents would take notice and phone the school to see why that was (struggle in the subject vs not doing the work). But they never punished me. They only ever punished my sister because her poor grades were the result of not doing the work, she was quite talented in all her subjects.

What's your take on this? Of course good grades are crucial, but is it worth punishing and shaming less than stellar children? Is punishment and shaming effective at raising grades?

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

I wouldn't advise punishing a child for a bad grade unless they get a D or an F. C's are passing.

But even if a child is failing, you should find out why the child is failing, instead of punishing them right away, and if they have difficulty with the work, the parents should find help for the child.

But if a child is slacking off, not studying, not doing homework, then it is okay to punish the child.

? · Answer

Against.

I'll sound like a fruit, but to be real honest, I don't think grades are a good thing. I think *learning* is a good thing, but the two don't go hand-in-hand as much as you'd think.

My kids are all still young and not in high school yet, so they don't get real grades. They get progress reports and have parent-teacher conferences, and my husband and I stay very involved in how they're performing in school. Even though they don't get grades, they have areas where they excel and areas where they need a little bit of extra help. When they seem to be struggling (my oldest *hates* math), my husband and I do what we can to help by working on homework together and meeting with their teachers.

I'd never think to punish them for struggling with a school concept, though. Or rewarding them for excelling. My SIL has two in high school, and they get $20 for every A. I can't imagine that's setting up good incentives.

Hannah · Answer

In college?  That's stupid...they're adults and are responsible for their own grades.  You don't "punish" your adult child.

If they're in high school or younger, I still don't agree with punishment unless they are just obviously goofing off and making no effort.  If they're a good student and making good grades in most classes, but they are struggling more in one class and aren't doing as well, then help them, or get a tutor if you can't.  Punishments won't make them magically understand the material, and it might just increase their anxiety and make their performance even worse.

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What is your opinion on punishing kids for getting poor grades?

3 Answers