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My boyfriend and I almost broke up last night. Advice please?!?
So please bare with me! SO about a week and a half ago my boyfriend went home for the holidays. I was a little frustrated because I kind of wanted to spend Christmas with him but he said maybe next year (we've been dating for a year now) anyway whenever he goes home (it happens almost every time) I don't know why but I get really mad at him. I get mad if he wakes up really late or doesn't text me for two hours or has a beer with his friends. I just get frustrated even though I know he's done nothing wrong or bad. I just get frustrated! I know part of it has to do with the fact that his mom doesn't like me because she's a crazy *****. His brother smokes weed ALL the time and I'm really against drugs so yeah it does bother me.
Anyway we talked about it one night and he told me I'm the last person he wants to be judged from and that he doesn't want me to be disappointed in him and that's when I realized that I was just being AWFUL! I was judging my boyfriend and his family and making him feel like if he goes out with the guys he can't tell me cause I'll get mad. So I realized that I was doing this and because I was mad at myself I sort of remained mad at him. He always tells me when he's gone that he thinks we are the perfect couple but only when we are together once he leaves all hell breaks loose.
He likes to pretend when we have a fight it never happened so he was acting like nothing happened and I told him that bothered me. So last night we talked and it got really serious. And I told him we should maybe break up because I'm not good enough for him and that I'm not a good girlfriend. I didn't want to break up with him but I felt so bad for him that he had to be with me.
He didn't want to break up but then towards the end of the conversation he really was about to just end it. We hung up when he said he's confused and wanted to be alone but then I called him back a little bit later and I told him I was sorry. I said I know what I've done wrong and I don't want to do it again. I said that I still love him so much and that I was sorry I ever judged him or his family. I told him I didn't want to break up and that this whole argument was just stupid. It was so stupid and I'm not even sure what it was about. The first thing he said was that he still loved me too. And end the end we didn't break up and I told him that I wanted him to forget this ever happened because it was just so stupid.
Anyway I know I was wrong and I apologized for everything and we are still together. We said goodnight on the phone last night and said we loved each other and he said he wants everything to just go back and be okay which so do I but I'm worried that he thinks less of me now. I want to show him that this isn't me and I don't know what's wrong with me. Sometimes I think maybe going to see a counselor would help me. But I just need to feel like he still loves me the same. It scares me that he was gonna break up with me. He said he doesn't want to lose me but when this happens it gets really hard for him. Which I get. Anyway please don't b to harsh, I know what I've done wrong and I will work on it I just need advice from here on out. Can it be the same as before? And all of that.
Thanks in advance.
No he's an amazing boyfriend. I very well could be that I feel I don't deserve him. I know for a fact that I do have confidence issues and I'm very insecure. He has NEVER done anything to make me not trust him in anyway. He's my first boyfriend and he's the best boyfriend. When he's here we are okay as far as my insecurity goes but once he leaves all I ever think about is him breaking up with me which really scares me so I act on this even though it hasn't happened yet. I know it doesn't make any sense...I really probably should go see a counselor. I did in high school for 4 years but the hard part is after going away to college I wouldn't have the same counselor and it's hard to find one just as good.
2 Answers
- JennLv 67 years agoFavorite Answer
1) Do not blame your insecurities of him having a beer with his friends on his mother not liking you, or his brother smoking weed. Those things have nothing to do with anything.
2) It is not that you aren't good enough for him. You are insecure.
You have addressed the fact that your behavior is the issue. Is there an underlying factor to this? Have you been cheated on before? Has this current boyfriend done anything to misplace your trust? If this boyfriend personally has not done anything to you, do not make him pay for other people's mistakes. If he has then your actions are clearly being fueled by what was done in the past, and instead of ignoring it, you two need to deal with the issue head on.
It could also wind down to the fact that you honestly do not feel that you deserve him, which is a confidence issue. My suggestion if that is the case is to talk to a professional. You need to work on yourself before you work on your relationship.
- JoLv 77 years ago
No, it won't be the same as it was before.
From what I read - you want it to be better than it was before.
Many couples go through rocky periods and come out ok as couples.
If you are sincere about changing and not be so controlling (yes, you were) it won't be the same - it will be better than before.
When I say "controlling" - I mean getting so mad because he visits his family on Christmas. What's with that? That's what families do. Even families that you don't seem to approve of - still want to be together. So why the "frustrated"? You think he should give up his family for you? He's known them longer. And you think he should get up at a time you deem appropriate? And you have some "2 hour rule" about texting? Seriously?
