Me and my boyfriend got into argument and I need advice?

Is there a difference in savings, house equity, etc? Are you in a common property state?

Your argument with him does not seem healthy. Is your relationship ready for this step?

My actions would be to google about boundaries and codependence for insight on healthier ways to resolve conflicts, think through what you both want from the marriage and in the case of a breakup, and if we agree get married with the prenup.

Hi

I pretty much agree with Chaz...

I think Alex might have a point. If you can't afford the rent, but do spend on a car, clothes and shoes (even as a gift for him) then that does say something about your attitude towards money. Where were you going to get the rent money? Were you expecting Alex to pay? Has this happened before?

A pre-nump is not a bad idea, lots of couples do that though it should have an expiry date (2 to 5 years). I can see how it would affect your trust in him though, if you feel like he doesn't trust you. Asking to see your credit file is a bit much, I think I would be offended as well. That said, if you are getting married, he does have a right to know these things (joint accounts will link you both, so your credit will have an effect on his credit rating). Maybe you could have an honest discussion with him - especially if you are in financial difficulties.

Relationships are built on love and trust (the sex matters in as much as it should be an expression of your love for each other - not "keeping him happy", and the colour of your skin is totally irrelevant).

Sounds like you both need to sit down and have an honest discussion before you go any further down the marriage route...

I can understand him wanting to protect his finances and 'estate' in the event that your relationship/marriage doesn't work out. But it seems to me that friction has developed between you over money and that brings to question why are you both getting married in the first place? What goes on in the bedroom is all well and good and is for sure an important part of you both being compatible. But there is much more to life than just sex, for marriage or even civil partnership brings joint responsibilities and commitment for you both. I think you are wrong to play the emotional card about 'if he really loves me', but I can understand why you say that, for the way he has gone about the prenup thing sounds cold and calculating and is hardly romantic.

I'm getting the impression here that what's his is his and what's yours is also his, so to speak. In any relationship worth the mileage, everything should be on an equal footing and certainly a large element of trust needs to be there. Maybe you are not yet financially compatible, but that is only a problem when it creates tension and argument. It's also important that you are honest about your credit status and whether you have debt, but then he too should be honest about his financial status and the values he would like you both to employ with regard to money and expenditure. Once you are both married, such things should become a joint affair, at least after say a year. A prenup is ok if it is fair and doesn't penalise you if he changes his mind, but it should also be only for a reasonable period, otherwise your marriage is with terms and conditions just like a business deal and that, quite frankly, sucks.

From what you say here, I suggest that your bf is disrespecting you and whilst he may have a point about how you prioritise your money, open discussion and dialogue between you so that you can both follow the same values and principles about mutual respect are very important. I hope also that he is not seeing you as a lesser person than he is. Your skin colour should be academic, although it might be part of why he found you attractive in the first place.

My advice is for you both to have a serious and frank/honest discussion about your individual income, the financial arrangements after you are married and the values that you are both going to follow to keep your marriage strong. Failure to do this, especially in light of what you say here, is like going on a safari without a tent or a gun. Crazy! At this moment in time, marriage should not be on the agenda until you have sorted your differences out and both learnt to adapt and compromise to each other's needs. I sincerely hope the love you have for each other will ride this storm. If it is strong enough, it will.

I think couples are wise to consider credit, spending habits and in many cases prenups are a very good idea, but if one partner is using those things to intimidate or humiliate the other, the entire relationship should be reconsidered.

interesting question, I would always advise a man to get a prenup when marrying a woman because our courts always side with women but two men? I've no idea how that'd play out. anyway if you don't plan on soaking him for money than sign the prenup and get on with it