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Do we have a moral and spiritual obligation to accept help when it is offered to us by others?
Even perhaps an obligation to ask for help when we need it?
I ask this because just within the last day or so I had what I believe is an epiphany. I believe the following details and explanation is all pertinent to my question but your option if you would like to read it or not.
When I was a child although I did not realize it until I was well into adulthood I not only grew up in a very dysfunctional family, I was a victim of sometimes pretty severe emotional abuse coming primarily but not exclusively at the hands of my father. It was I believe primarily due to that emotional abuse that I very early developed a severely strong independent streak in which I would insist on doing things for myself even when help was offered. The beginning of my of epiphany was when I remembered the time a very good friend of mine, Jim H. in Ohio stunned me one day some years ago when he told me that I was one of the most selfish people that he knew. That stunned me because I had always viewed myself as a very giving person, was always ready to help just about anyone and everyone regardless of whether they deserved it or not, and many times had made sometimes significant personal sacrifices to help others.
(More details to come shortly.)
Jim then went on to explain what he meant. He first asked me if I felt good by helping other people. Of course I answered yes. He pointed out that I was constantly helping other people and doing things for them while at the same time I never accepted any help from anyone else no matter how much I needed it, no matter how many times my friends offered to help. He then pointed out that I was depriving my friends of the same good feelings they would get from helping me that ...
I got from helping others, and many times leaving my friends very frustrated over my refusals. In retrospect, although at the time I thought my eyes had been opened, and although I did begin to allow others to help me, out of pure habit I mostly still continued my old ways. Without going into a lot of unnecessary details, I am in a very uncomfortable, almost untenable situation due to my sacrificing my personal needs to help others in my family, primarily helping my mother, who has relatively ..
recently passed away. And I now find myself at the mercy of others in my family. And I need out and badly. And once again, purely out of habit (and old attitudes) I guess, I have been working entirely on my own to get myself back out and on my own feet once again.
Recently a good friend offered to help me get myself out of the situation and my knee jerk reaction was to say no, I will do it myself. That was a few days ago, and I have been thinking it over since then. But then all within the ...
space of less than 24 hours I have had a considerable number of “coincidences” that have been bringing home to me the fact that perhaps I need to rethink and change my attitude. Which brings me to this:
I think it is a given that when we help others we grow spiritually, even if we do not personally believe in God. I believe that whether we are firm believers or firm Atheists that we have a personal obligation to help other people. And of course there is that aspect where helping others gives us feelings of satisfaction if not joy. So, if we are truly in need of help and we do not accept help when offered or do not seek help when we should, are we not depriving others of an opportunity for ...
9 Answers
- ?Lv 66 years ago
There is the tested and true saying.... "we are all one". Each of us sees the truth in that, through our own experience. In my opinion, you have seen the connectivity...the give and take involved.
Obligation, however is not a part of healthy relationships. For me....there is opportunity to see yourself more clearly, when you refuse assistance. Some people need the experience, need to feel the freedom that self-reliance offers. It's not wrong to ask others to let you do it on your own.
The one's who offer the help you've turned down, are also learning to understand human nature. Sometimes they have to look at you and see that you are a spiritual warrior, and that you mean to evolve in your own way.
Then again....there is that one small voice, that tells you when enough is enough, and asks you to try to be open to receiving. It's almost a risk, almost as if this receiving will come with strings or guilt or a feeling that you have to re-pay ten fold. :)
It's not always that way. Discernment my friend, you have that gift.
We have only the obligation to see ourselves in action and to understand our own reasons for doing and not doing.
- Anonymous6 years ago
Nobody is obliged to accept help when it is offered, but how right you are to observe that refusing help deprives others of an opportunity for them to grow spiritually. There is more pleasure in giving than in receiving, but sometimes the hardest thing is for us to admit we need help and then graciously accept the help being offered.
I like the sound of your friend Jim H. Sometimes our best friends are the ones who draw us up short and make us rethink our position. They do it beause they care for us. This good friend who has recently offered to help you? Do him a favour and say "Yes, please!"
He, as the giver, will rejoice and be blessed, just as you, the recipient, will rejoice and be blessed. God often uses other people in the outworking of His purposes. Sometimes, we're a bit slow in the uptake to realise it, but with hindsight can look back and see how God was trying to move us to a place of wellbeing. Go for it!
- B Knott WilderedLv 76 years ago
(What I could not get to fit above)
... them to grow spiritually? Are we not preventing them from fulfilling their God-given obligation to help others? While I firmly believe that we need to stand on our own feet as much as possible, are we not in some sense connected to everyone else in the whole world and therefore should we not be just as willing to accept help from others as we are willing to offer help to others?
It is an idea that is still fairly new to me but I see some very definite applications to an similarities with what I view as the goals the Baha’i Faith has for the future of humanity. I will be developing this idea further although I probably will not bring it up in this forum again. But I would like to in advance thank each of you for your thoughtful responses.
Peace to one and all.
- ?Lv 76 years ago
No, but it always makes the other person feel better when they CAN help us out. Now if they suggest something that is uncomfortable for you, just say "Hey, that is great you want to help me, but I'm not entirely comfortable with that, but I appreciate the offer."
Isn't that how you'd like to hear it , if the shoe was on the other foot?
- ?Lv 76 years ago
I have found that when we help others we in fact receive a better blessing from those who let us... as it may very well be that they are the angels who help us in compassionate ways... as they sacrifice all pride in being in need.... there is no vanity of any kind... coming from these dear ones. In fact one might say, they are the Greater Servant... in our parables of life... for us... giving us the open opportunities to give... cheerfully, lovingly, and while we may think we are the benevolent ones, perhaps in these situations, the Least comes first... in God's Kingdom...
just some thoughts on how we receive a great blessing while others serve God's purpose in helping us... to attain moments that define all of us... and God! It's good to look at this from all angels points... angles...also gives us an ideal of suffering that perhaps we did not respond to, also, gives us a chance to be Grateful, show brotherly love and it gives those who observe some additional opportunities for movements... not done!
As to letting others help us, yes... I believe we dew!! Simply because we all get blessed in this... the circle of Love causes us to be-joined...and yearns to >>> growsssss :)
Peace and love to you and all as well...
- Toke LoverLv 76 years ago
I don't know about the obligation part.
I do know that even when you don't need help, sometimes it is kind to let other people think that you DO need it, so that they can feel useful too.
That has been a difficult lesson for me to learn.
- Anonymous6 years ago
People should know their limitations. We need to rely on each other and not only ourselves. I need to accept that advice for my own self. I am very independent and a doer. I do for others.
- thom tLv 66 years ago
I think we do. Refusing the help of others is like slapping them in the face. Accept help graciously and gracefully, and include "random acts of kindness" in your daily life.
