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I REAL AM TIRED OF DEALING WITH 42 YEARS OS HUSBAND'S ALCOHOLISM?
IN HIS MIND -HE HAS BEEN VERY GOOD TO ME WITH PAYING THE BILLS.DID NOT WANT ME TO WORK AND WHEN I DID BECAUSE HE WAS DISABLED WITH DEPRESSION AND BOUGHT THINGS THAT OTHERWISE COULD NOT AFFORD- WAS MEANINGLESS. ALWAYS SAID YOUR MONEY IS YOURS BUT WHEN HE IS DRINK I AM REMINDED OF HOW SELFISH I WAS .AND AM . . HE HAS BEEN TO THE BOTTOM AND SICK SO MANY TIMES. HE CAN'T CALL ME ANYMORE NAMES ANYMORE THAT IT HURTS. I USED TO CRY ,HURT MYSELF BECAUSE OF OF HIS NAMES- SO DEPRESSED BUT HE COULD NEVER SEE HE WAS THE CAUSE CALLING ME NAMES AND ALL. I FINALLY WOKE UP AND REALIZED -HIS PROBLEM. HE GETS SO SICK-ONE TIME 10 MONTHS STRAIGHT AT AGE 72 -PASSING A KIDNEY STONE-BUT NOTHING EVER GETS THRU. WITH 2 GLASSES OF WINE NOW I AM REMINDED OF HOW MUCH I COST HIM (KNOWING IT HURTS BECAUSE OF MY FAMILY HISTORY.WHENEVER I EXPRESS CONCERN IT STARTS AGAIN TO SHUT UP. DO THAT - HE DOES LIKE THAT EITHER. I CANNOT GO TO MEETINGS. ANY THOUGHTS APPRECIATED. DID GOD GIVE ME TO DEAL WITH TO LEARN SOMETHING/ I DID LEARN TO DEAL WITH - NO NAME CALLING HURTS ANYMORE.
4 Answers
- RWPossumLv 76 years ago
I think you should at least think about going to a meeting, because you might meet somebody with good advice. Maybe you wouldn't have to belong to the group for very long. As you may know, there's a group called Al-Anon for family of alcoholics. Other people you could talk with, a family counselor or a psychologist.
- ?Lv 76 years ago
I am so sorry to read your note. Living with an active alcoholic is a very difficult thing to do.
Remember that it is more about them than about you --- the things they say are just junk they make up to make themselves feel better. You cannot let it affect you. It has nothing to do with you. Nothing that he says can touch you.
Imagine a cone of brilliant white light. The white light is warm and soft. You step into the cone of light. When you are in the cone, nothing can touch you. Nothing negative or hurtful can get in. All the negative things bounce off. Only good comes through the light to reach you.
Practice visualizing your cone of white light every day, and use it to protect yourself. You are your own person. You are a GOOD person! And you have done so much!
He may not know it -- but everyone else does. And I know it. YOU ARE WONDERFUL!
- 6 years ago
at least separate, don't let him drag you down with him. If there are children this is the wrong environment. I know he is your husband and there are certain implied responsibilities, however he needs to hit rock bottom. It's not going to be easy to watch. Stand your ground Ma'am.
- 6 years ago
Hey, It sounds like you two have a lot to work out. My only question would be, do you drink as much as him? It sounds like he is using his financial status aginst you, which of course is not healthy. Also in a healthy relationship, he would support you with out the buden of you having those thoughts.
However, you are his wife. As a wife you obviously have no reason to be put down, you are equal. You are partners. You help him where he cant help himself and he to you vise versa. If he has a drinking problem you need to work it out together. There are a lot of public resources and you need to point him to those. But he has no right to make you feel bad. if you have tried working with him, get out.
