Hubby thinks he wants another baby in the future...I did too, but no longer sure (long, sorry)?

Question

I had a baby when I was 23, previous relationship.  I am now 31 and have a four-month-old with my now-husband.  This was a surprise baby, as hubby thought he was unable to have children due to failing to have children with his ex when they tried for a long time, and due to me having PCOS.  I felt my biological clock ticking and I really wanted to have more children, was already saying I wanted more during my pregnancy, but then things changed.

Pregnancy was VERY hard on me the second time, I am still having back problems from it.  Labor was SO much worse this time, although I still managed it naturally. It was extremely difficult and there were some complications, ending with my son having shoulder dystocia--which was terrifying, and I was told put me at risk for having that happen with future births.

I made a comment to my husband recently about one of us getting "fixed," but now he is saying he would like to have more children--a feeling I still *sort of* share, but a large part of me no longer wants to.  I told him I don't know if I can do it again--I suffered through this pregnancy, and I don't know if I am physically up to the challenge again.  Plus I will admit--I am scared, I'm scared about having problems again, I'm terrified of something going wrong during delivery again.  Has anyone else felt this way before?  Is it possible I can get over this fear and want more children again?  I feel bad for my husband.

Mary · Answer

It's worth talking to a professional after a bad birth experience. Bad enough, and a woman can suffer PTSD.

It's perfectly ok and valid to not want more children after everything you've been through; if it were me in your shoes, I'd speak to a doctor so I could separate what I was actually feeling and what was coming up because of the birth trauma.

AliDawn · Answer

Jennifer, it's not like that AT ALL.  He never thought he would have his own children, was resigned to just being a father to my daughter (whom he loves so much--he truly is her Daddy)...but now he is experiencing having his own son, getting to be there from birth and see him grow, and he is in love with fatherhood--now that's he's experiencing it from the start he wants to experience it again.  THAT'S why I feel bad, because he has something he never thought he would have, and he doesn't want it to be out of the question.  He knows how I feel and supports me, would NEVER try to change my mind or pressure me, and he hasn't done a single thing to try to make me feel guilty.  I know he would be happy to leave it at two--but I also know that he would love having more.  He was surprised to hear that I'd maybe changed my mind, but the fact that he DOESN'T want me to feel guilty, makes me feel guilty.

? · Answer

You feel bad for your husband?  Does he feel bad for you?  Does he think or care about what you went through?  Does he think that if something goes wrong it could leave your children motherless?  Or does he just care that he wants more kids?

Anonymous · Answer

DISNEY WORLD SUCKS!!! Please don't reproduce either.

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Hubby thinks he wants another baby in the future...I did too, but no longer sure (long, sorry)?

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