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How do I convince my "boyfriend" that I'm not going to leave him?
I've been seeing this guy for about 7 months and he's seriously the best. He treats me better than past boyfriends ever have by FAR and way better than my regular friends do. HOWEVER, he is super insecure. At times I convince myself that he just isn't into me as much as I am to him but I really don't think that's the case. For whatever reason, maybe something in his past, or the fact that we had completely different upbringings, etc, or all of it, he is always saying things like I will leave him or I won't be around forever or complimenting me by the truckload and then basically comparing himself to dirt. It's so frustrating to me because when I do the same thing to him, he says it makes no sense or he doesn't deserve it and that I should stop. It all seems like a veil covering what he's thinking which is that I don't actually like him, I will realize it soon enough, and then I will leave him, confirming his worries.
But it's not true! How the heck do I get him to believe me? I tell him how I feel and what I think about him but he just shoots down the compliments and words I say as if they're not true. I think it's a defense mechanism but I want him to chill out! I'm not going to leave him. I love him. Any ideas on what I could do to convince him that go beyond simply saying how I feel? How can I show it and prove it to him?
For the record, I am positive he's super into me. He just can't believe I am into him in the same way.
5 Answers
- 6 years ago
So all of these negative answers really probably don't help you at all. So here's something from someone who had been there and is there.
I've been in a relationship with someone for 3 years now who seems to have a lot of the same issues that you are describing. And I know that in my case, his problems were defense mechanisms from things that had happened in the past. And expecting him just to "grow up" "forget about it" and "stop being a pussy" is almost mean. Our past makes us who we are. And we all carry it around with us in one way or another. And some hold on tighter than others.
So my advice, if you want to stay with this boy, is just to be supportive. I know that it feels repetitive saying the same words of reassurance over and over again.
- Anonymous6 years ago
You can't. Dudes acting like a needy jealous insecure woman. That's not masculine. That's feminine qualities. If he has insecurity issues that's his problem. Tell his sorry a ss to go to counseling.
- TinaLv 76 years ago
You have nothing to prove to him. A relationship without trust never ends well. His past should not interfere with your relationship. What happened in his past belongs to him. He has no right to bring his past in your relationship because that will ruin the relationship. You need to talk to him face to face. You need to tell that you are fed of his insecurities. You need to tell him that you need a boyfriend that is solid and that doesn't carry baggage of insecurities on his shoulder. Make it clear that you cannot continue to be in relationship where there is no trust. Tell him that you have not given him a reason for him to not believe in you, and not trust you. Don't be afraid to talk to him. Showing him that you are not afraid to break up the relationship could snap him out of his insecurities. If he sees that you mean business, and that you are fed up then, it will force him to change.
- Doug HLv 66 years ago
You need to have a real talk with him. Tell him it is not a turn by being so negative about himself. Tell him this is the last time your going to tell him that your in it for the long term and want to eventually get married. Ask him to please stop with the negativity.
