Elderly abuse...am I guilty of it?

Caregiving is a very stressful situation for both the patient and the person doing he caregiving. Go online and find a resource center near you. There are points to consider from both sides. Your dad isn't diagnosed but whatever he has, he is frustrated as hell for being helpless and having to rely on you for help, and not being active and independent anymore. This is HUGE for elderly people, you won't understand this until you get there yourself. Rather like becoming little helpless children again and losing ability to express frustrations also. In the mean time you are spreading yourself so thin you are beyond exhausted and frustrated and while abuse is not acceptable, it's natural to feel frustrated. You are not able to do this yourself, no matter what you promised your father. You also have a mentally challenged sister who you are also providing assistance for. YOU NEED HELP. Before someone gets hurt. It doesn't make you incapable or weak. You can't do it yourself so don't expect to. There are resources out there that offer assistance. No idea where you live, but contact the local caregiver resource center. They are everywhere. It's a free resource, and I know from experience, it is insanely valuable support network for you and you need to start the process NOW.

It's a tough situation and everyone is frustrated. He's probably pissed at the world because of what's going on. He isn't the same he was and he needs to ask for help so he's angry life is making him ask for help. You're frustrated because you're on the receiving end of it.

Don't define 'elder abuse.'

Instead, focus on a solution that will help. Maybe if your dad texts you or gets a bell or other non-invasive noise-maker to get your attention, he doesn't feel like he's demanding help and you don't feel like you're taking as much a load.

Or maybe you can figure out what things he wants when and set up a schedule. He knows you'll take him to the bathroom at 8:30 am, 11:30am, 3:15pm, 5:30pm, and 8:30pm so if it's close, he can wait it out. He can also have a meal schedule set up for him.

Maybe your sister, even if she is cognitively impaired, can help shoulder some effort. Figure out what she can do to help or at least participate without making you do more work.

Important: Keep track of what he wants when he wants it. Build something to let him know things are coming. He's stressed and angry because of where he is in life. But it's hard to be understanding when shouting plays a role.

You're doing a great job. Even if no one in your family seems like they appreciate, I give you all the credit in the world for being a loving daughter and sister. You're doing a great job.

I suggest getting a live in care giver if you can afford it...You can't keep doing what you're doing, it's just not possible. Has your father always been this way? It could be a sign of dementia if he hasn't. Call your local hospital and see if there are any resources available to you. Maybe get a baby monitor so he doesn't have to yell???

I think you're the one being abused...is it an emergency when he calls you for help? If not, then he should understand that people might be occupied doing something else when he calls. I say if you come within 5 minutes, it is good enough. Tell him to stop screaming, otherwise you won't be able to tell when it's a real emergency and he really needs you right away. If he can wait, tell him to wait. Geez.

No, you aren't abusive. I took care of my mom years. There is nothing easy or good about it. It's a thankless job. I urge you to get help or put him back in a nursing home if he is totally incapacitated. I took care of mom for 16 years before putting her in a home. It destroyed my health and our relationship. I lost my family over it. It was horrible. I hope I die before I make these kinds of demands on my own kids.

If you lived in Canada, your father would be entitled to free homecare which would come in, probably once a day to look after his physical needs. I am getting that once a day right now because I broke both my wrists, so I get washed and dressed every morning.

No you are not abusing any one. But YOU are being abused. I would contact senior places and see where you can get help you can afford for your father.

Wow. Way off base. I think it's clear her father has dementia. Sounds like she is in over her head but shouldn't be spoken to like that. Metal queen

No. Your father seems to have dementia -he needs to be diagnosed and looked after by specialists.

Yes, you are VERY guilty of it. If I were your neighbor I would have called the authorities the first time I heard the yelling from outside. Totally ridiculous that he has to yell THAT loud to get your attention.

Your dad is right. He should NEVER have to yell for assistance. Since dad doesn't yell at your sister for not helping he has already excused her in his own way. ie...he does not expect help from her.

As far as I'm concerned you should be ashamed of yourself for whining about caring for dad. He cared for you when you were a baby. Now it is your turn to care for him. ...and frankly, from what you said...you suck at it. I feel bad for your dad.