We are considering moving our parents into a retirement home and wonder what might be involved in a cross state move like that?

Well you find the retirement home they would be moving into and plan what is needed to furnish that. It is up to YOU and any other children they have to go to your parent's home and to take care of their worldly goods - keeping and packing what is needed in their new home and deciding what to do with the rest.

When my grandmother went into the nursing home my mother had to wrap up her apartment. We all received items we wanted to keep of my grandmother's and beds and most of the furniture was given to a good friend of my grandmother's who needed them. What was left was boxed for Goodwill to pick up and some items were trashed. Same thing happened with my other grandmother - her daughter took care of everything with her when she moved from her home into a retirement home.

A good friend of mine helped clear out her mother-in-laws home along with her MIL's daughter. It took them months and many, many weekends she had to drive down to Chicago before the house was ready to be sold.

If your parents can't do this burdensome job themselves because of their age and health then someone has to work with them and do it for them. It isn't an easy task and I doubt that you will be able to find a non-relative who would do this - unless at an extraordinary cost. Perhaps a professional organizer?

Just think about it - what all would YOU have to do if YOU and your husband were to move into a retirement home? Same thing applies to them.

How do you parents feel about this?

Don't ever lose sight of the fact that while they may be edging towards needing extra help, they are still adults with rights.

You should first be speaking to them about it, and arranging for a meeting with an elder law attorney. There is a lot that must be done before they go into assisted living or nursing care.

If you are in one state, and they are in another, you are also going to need to have mutual conversations with their doctors about whether they can travel- but ultimately, you should never arrange for them to be in a facility of any kind where you are too remote to visit every few days. Nursing care may be necessary, but once they are in their, they are extremely vulnerable. The only way to make sure they get the care they deserve and are really protected is to go there yourself - a lot.

Start the conversation with them, and with their doctors. The doctors should be able to help assess what level of care they will need, and the elder law attorney can help you assess where they can afford to be.

Keep in mind that moving an adult out of their home and dispersing their earthly goods is a very traumatic process. If they are in the home still, it's not much different than having your kids turn on you and then having a tornado hit over lunch, if it isn't done with a mixture of judicious distraction and giving them some control over the process.

You can do nothing without Power of Attorney. It isn't your stuff.

Go speak to an elder law attorney. they can help you figure out how to handle it all, but first, you have to speak to your folks. Ultimately, they have to agree to give you or someone else the authority to sell their stuff, or they would have to be declared non compos mentis by a judge.

at the very least, I would suggest getting info re: the home, as well as looking online for reviews about them, maybe even the BBB or similar sites, and of course go there yourselves to see the conditions + you may want to have a "back up" place for them to go to if the 1st home turns out to be a poor choice

How long has your mother and father lived where they currently are?

you should check it out first and make sure everythings ok, best of luck.