Why was the Queen's ex butler forever buying petroleum jelly?

Optimism

she uses it on her bread

Because KY is too expensive for him.

Dear Troll I write this note to tell you of your plight, because at the time of writing you are not a pretty site. Your face it is an anonymous blue, your brain a mushy mess, So I write this note to tell you why your such a pest.. Now each day around 9am you up come up on this site and write your silly thing. But you will never know the butler doesn't exist. So next time you write about him, do remember this, we are not fooled by your stupid thing so. run along and do it somewhere else

To put on his dry cracked skin to moisturise it??

To keep the price of it low.

I understood that he borrowed your axle grease.