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How to stay calm when manipulated?
I told my bf we need more paper towels, he said I waste everything which is true and it turned into an argument, it was innocent enough “we need more paper towels” and turned into him saying I’m miserable and don’t appreciate anything he does for me, I started crying and shaking and then he said “why do I have to deal with this” and I said you know what your doing and manipulating me, it was my fault for bringing up the paper towels and not being in a great mood, but how can I stay calm and not shake and go into defense mode when one minute everything is fine and the next minute I’m being accused and attacked? I went months with no arguments cuz I know how to avoid an argument but this one just happened to fast
4 Answers
- ?Lv 72 years ago
You need to buy some washable dishtowels and stop destroying the planet. But beyond that you and he probably shouldn't be living together until you can find more effective ways to communicate.
- RickLv 72 years ago
A typical argument starts out with a broad accusation such as, 'You always leave the milk out.' This causes the person who's told this to become defensive, which shifts the focus of the argument away from where it needs to be. Then the situation becomes heated resulting in other accusations being hurled back and forth.
Those who've received training in arguing fairly know how to stay focused on the issue that needs to be resolved. They also learn to avoid using words like all and always which only further derail things.
During the intensity of arguments, some things a person hasn't said but has wanted to for a while, suddenly come out. Others that come up aren't significant or all that bothersome. Instead, they're used as ammunition to fire back when the person is feeling attacked. So, it's important to choose what really needs resolution and then deal with those one at a time or at another time.
