is it normal to feel like you have to babysit your wife every second?

No, but apparently you're choosing to go back to this irresponsible human.

So you are an angry controlling guy who wants to police his wife. And she rebels. 

Yea, this will go well. 

I'm surprised you aren't relieved and rather glad that you don't have to baby-sit (manage) your wife every minute.  She's on her own now, and will either learn to control her eating and drinking or she won't.

Why do you care if she buys a horrible gift for her coworker?  Maybe her friends aren't the most reasonable people for her to be around.  But that's a situation you no longer need to have any voice in.

If you're worried that people might be criticizing you for the mess your marriage turned into, I think that those who understand are willing to cut you a lot of slack.

I'm sorry things have turned out badly.  Probably when the emotions simmer down, she'll behave more reasonably, because she's going to have to take care of herself, herself.

Why do you think it's your job to "babysit" her?  It sounds as if you think of her as a child and not an adult.  Quit dating her and find someone you can treat as an equal.

not really and maybe you shouldnt be with her if shes going to be like that

Please stop being weak

4 glasses of wine is a bit much but I'd ask you, why did you get back together with her if you find her unpalatable? 

Why does her drinking coffee three times a week a problem for you? 

Perhaps her co-worker and she have the same personality where the receiver would think that kind of Poo Bear is hysterical. 

I think you should remarry. Move on!

Why are you dating again if you find it difficult to be her. Move on.

I think the fact that you feel like doing so is the problem. You need to get out of that relationship and into one where you respect each other.

If I was you, I'd stop dating her and go get my own life. So stop acting like you have to be her protector and rescuer and babysitter. Walk away. Don't come back. Let her have her own life. You are not responsible for her any longer. She is doing these obnoxious things to get back at you for whatever you have done in the past to cause your divorce. She can get some gratification, some revenge, by misbehaving like she is. So don't fall for it any longer. Go away.