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Stop messaging him forever and tell him to fck off or keep hanging on for some loss hope?

Hi, I have known this guy since last year. We do not chat on a regular basis, but when we do, I feel we have known each other for a while. He plays dumb but I think i like him. He remembered my birthday and even sent me a piano song with a message. He has told me a few times 'Ich habe dich gern' , anything like that is like friendly. So I don't think he has feelings for me despite having told me he likes me. He also said we go well together. Recently he told me we have to meet in person. We have talked very briefly about it before as he asked me when i come visit him. However, we don't write too often and we don't write for a long time, because he will either write  stuff and then say good night. I don't know until when this will go. He said he will write me a letter and i said 'ok, but you won't be able to send me because of lockdown,and  we are in different countries. He said he will try it. but last week he said he hates administration. i think he is playing a bit. I find it weird that WE HAVE NEVER SPOKEN ABOUT SEX, which is strange right? I don't know what to do with this guy. Either i tell him listen fvck off, or continue to write him and we meet sometime. What do you think?

1 Answer

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  • ?
    Lv 7
    1 year ago

    Long distance relationships are hard to make work because it’s very difficult to find out what the other person is really like. It’s easy to put on an act (over half of good communication is nonverbal). You need to be participating in a wide variety of wholesome activities together to find out what the other person is really like in all types of situations. Pay special attention to how they react when they don’t get their own way or when something goes wrong.

    Could you possibly be making dating choices mainly based upon whether someone likes you and you like them? Unfortunately this approach to dating, used by most people, usually leads to a broken heart.

    May I suggest that the first question to ask yourself when considering whether or not to date someone is, “Is this person a strong person?” If they’re not, no matter how much you like them, how much they like you, or how “cute” or “hot” they are, - please don’t date them. A strong person has good character (honesty, integrity, trustworthiness), displays a positive attitude (cheerful, caring, friendly, forgiving, helpful, and respectful), fulfills their responsibilities (for handling people who are pains in a positive way, for always trying to make a good choice, for taking care of themselves, for serving others), gives their best effort, and demonstrates self-control (of their body, anger, mouth and money).

    My suggestion is that you put in the effort necessary to become a strong person (if you’re not already), forget about this guy unless he’s a strong person, and eventually look for this type of guy (otherwise you’re setting yourself up for a broken heart). Unfortunately this type of man is difficult to find – but save yourself the heartache and don’t settle for less.

    (Please remember that you eventually want a 50 or 60 year marriage - not a 5 or 10 year marriage.)

    Hope this helps!

    PS Here are "21 tips that could help you to attract a strong person" from the book True Love Lasts:

    1. Take the time and put in the effort to become a strong person yourself (this is the most important tip)

    2. Put yourself in as many situations as possible that will allow you to potentially come in contact with other strong people - community service organizations, the library, high school or college clubs, the “Y” or other workout facilities, religious book studies, coffee shops, non-alcoholic parties, bookstores, concerts (wear a good pair of earplugs to protect your ears from permanent hearing loss), co-ed recreational athletic teams, community service projects, mission trips, volunteer service, etc. Try to get to know other people as much as possible without dating

    3. Be cheerful, approachable, and friendly - smile regularly to put others at ease (let people see your positive attitude)

    4. Take a real interest in getting to know others. Ask people an open-ended question about themselves in order to get them talking. Share things related to what’s been said as needed to keep the conversation going. Then ask them another question

    5. Be polite and kind to everyone - even to people who you don’t like or enjoy being around

    6. If you decide to not accept a request for a date, do it in a kind way (being rude isn’t a good choice and it doesn’t help you - word about it will get out and you’ll become less approachable)

    7. Be confident about yourself - if you’re trying to become a stronger person each day, you already have a lot going for you

    8. Be humble - don’t act like you’re Miss Charming or you’re Mr. Wonderful

    9. Don’t be concerned about whether or not someone likes you

    10. Have the attitude that if someone doesn’t like you - they don’t really know you

    11. Take care of yourself by getting enough sleep (at least nine hours for teens, at least seven hours for adults according to the experts), exercising regularly (if approved by your doctor), and eating a healthy diet

    12. Develop a good sense of humor - including the ability to laugh at your own mistakes

    13. Be known as a hard worker

    14. Dress well and dress modestly at the same time (wearing seductive clothing doesn’t attract another strong person)

    15. Pay attention to your appearance, but don’t obsess over it (remember that strong people are attracted to other strong people, they’re not too concerned about looks - because they realize that looks fade with age). If you use makeup, make sure it’s not excessive. Use perfumes and colognes sparingly - if at all

    16. Truly care about other people

    17. Stay in close communication with real friends who can help you through the ups and downs of life and hold you accountable

    18. Be patient - real friends can help you with this

    19. Persevere - please remember that almost nothing worthwhile is quick and easy. Please don’t settle for dating a weak person

    20. Don’t take it personally if someone doesn’t want to date you

    21. Don’t act desperate for a date

    Source(s): The book True Love Lasts
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