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? asked in Arts & HumanitiesBooks & Authors · 11 months ago

Part 3- How does this excerpt from my novel sound? I have to break it up in parts cause I can't fit it all on here. ConstructiveCritisimPlz.?

So dashing through the rows of beach chairs and umbrellas he made a run for it, dogging around slower runners as he fled. It was too late. Hearing the growing sound of crushing debris and fading screams, he knew that the wave was gaining on him. Then without thinking, he hurried behind the trunk a palm tree, crouching against it and covering his head, knowing he could no longer escape the surging mass of water. With a powerful blast, the wave yanked him away from the tree and plunged him through a sea of debris, knocking the air out of his lungs. He flailed and kicked around with his arms and legs as he fought to reach the surface, but it was no use. With his brain starved of oxygen, he began to pass out, everything slowly fading to black. He couldn't breathe. He couldn't move. He was going to die…

3 Answers

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  • ?
    Lv 7
    11 months ago
    Favorite Answer

    I have actually seen far, far worse on here. It's not rubbish. But it is not good either.

    Let's hope you really mean 'dodging' rather than 'dogging' ... and please tell us how there can be a 'growing sound ... of fading screams'.

  • 11 months ago

    Well, Jer, it "sounds" as if it's in so much pain it needs to be put down immediately. Please delete this horrid artifact NOW and never do anything like this again. Hope this helped!

  • Cogito
    Lv 7
    11 months ago

    Sorry, but it's full of mistakes and clumsy language.

    Starting with 'So' was the first.

    'Dogging' means watching other people have sex in cars. I think you mean 'dodging'.

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