I am going out to eat with 3 couples.  One women is very controlling.  ?

Id give her ten mins. if she is not there, Id order our food. And when she arrives and says something, you tell her you waited on her, and when she did not show, you went on ahead of her and ordered. Keep doing it to her. In time she will start to show on time or have a fit. Dont let her get away with a fit.

I hope you mean she TRIES to be very controlling. 

"Please familiarize yourself with the menu in advance so that we can place our orders promptly" isn't an unreasonable suggestion. Especially if there is someone in the group who take a long time to make his/her selection. Or if some members of the group have a limited time for this shared meal.

To do the "We won't be waiting for you if you're late" stuff, you need 

a) general agreement among the others in advance, not discussion there in the restaurant at the last minute, and 

b) informing her of the general agreement that the group will not be waiting for her, that the group will go to the table at the scheduled time.

The problem with this is that a crowded restaurant will not seat a party of 6 until the entire party of 6 has arrived. 

If she is always late, perhaps whoever is closest to her can initiate a conversation about how a gracious person would automatically be paying for the drinks the others enjoyed while waiting for her. That is "Either you get there on time or you pay for the rest of us to wait for you in the bar; your choice."

Another alternative is to choose a different context, the sort of place menu choices can be made quickly, where reservations aren't an issue, where part of the group arriving late isn't an issue. 

You need to stand up to controlling people or they will continue to exert their influence to an even greater extent as time goes on. With regards to your situation, I think the best thing to do would be to order when you get there. Why should you have to sacrifice a potentially fun outing just because this woman is controlling? Ordering when you get there will still allow you to have a good time while teaching her about punctuality. What you can also do is use your body language to let her know that you are not happy with her behaviour. For instance, staring at her and giving her the silent treatment will really make her feel uncomfortable and get her thinking about her actions. 

She sounds horrible. Why are you even going out to eat with her? But if you must, just order the minute you get there.