how high on the reliability list is a 2009 Toyota RAV 4?

They can be very reliable if properly cared for with many years of reliable driving left in it. Just make sure to check for any recalls or campaigns Toyota may have on it and as with any used vehicle, have it inspected before buying. Some 2.4 liter 4 cylinder engines (used on early Gen 3 RAV4s) had a tendency to burn oil, but you're looking at a 2009, so it will have the 2.5, which doesn't have the issue. This generation was also the only generation to offer a V6 option too. It was a 3.5 liter, 255 hp V6 that delivered 255 hp. that engine is still used in several Toyotas and Lexus models but now it's been updated and delivers around 300hp or so. Solid engine and buttery smooth. That engine made the RAV4 pretty quick, but Toyota didn't do much to market it, so it's kind of a hidden gem. 

Another option unique to this gen RAV4 was a third-row seat option. I have only seen two RAV4s with it, but they are out there. It is considered a very reliable vehicle. You really can't go wrong with one. A good example could easily get you 300K miles without a hitch. Good luck. 

The JAPANESE have LOTS of DIGNITY and would rather KILL Themselves than give you a BAD CAR! TYPYTA only had ONE blooper I know of! The VERY VERY CHEAP YARIS car! It RUSTED easily! The RAV$ had GREAT REVIEWS but check the STERRING on it first! The FIRST edition had VERTICAL steering that was NOT road holding and felt TIPSY to me! For a SUPERB RIDE< get a USED AUDI or BMW with a TURBO in them! They are on CARGURUS and CARS. COM and YAHOO CARS, every DAY! MILLIONS of car from ALL over the world! Do NOT limit yourself! The THING about TOYOTA is the RELIABILITY and the DEATAILS! ASIAN ENGINES and TRANNIES ( they use AISIN WARNER ONES) are SUPERB and TRUSTY for YEARS even DEACADES! >>but at 100,000 miles, no matter WHAT CAR you have, get the TOYOTA DEALER to change ALL the fluids ! and i mean ALL The fluids including STEERING  and BRAKE FLUIDS! Then go ANOTHER 100,000 miles! This iS the RIGHT WAY to care for ANY CAR! Take the RAV4 to a PARKING lot and check out the FEEL in hard turns! SEE if it is TIPSY at all! OR does it GRAB IN! The STERING to me is the MOST important along with BRAKING! OVERBOOETED brakes are DANGEROUS (GM) and steering that will NOT do a U-turn in a lane and ahold are INFERIOR!, But I am used to BENZ, AUDI, BMW and FORD that is EUROPEAN!>>>go to a LIBRARY and see CONSUMER REPORTS! USUALLY TOYOTA in ALL YEARS and MODELS have the BEST reviews! They do NOT cut corners .

I had a 2008 model new for four years. It was a 2.2 turbo diesel , actually got better mpg than the official figures (45 v 42), a unique achievement for cars I’ve owned. 

I really don’t think a single thing broke or went wrong with it. Other than routine servicing and some tyres, there was no major expenditure.

Obviously, you are looking at a 12 year old car now, so you need to check brakes and clutch etc don’t need replacing. Front tyres wear faster as they have on demand AWD. 

That depends on how hard it has been driven and whether the previous owners did any regular maintenance. If it has been treated well, then very high on the list. If nmot, then it;'s anybody's guess. 

As far as a SUV with AWD it's the only one I know that does not have the CVT transmission that fails all the time. They hold up quite well and are great in the snow. I recommend them to all my customers looking for a SUV.

Get it inspected by a mechanic.

My daughter has a 2008.   It still has the original battery and other than replacing things that wear out,  like tires,  brake pads,  belts, etc she has not had to do any repairs.  

When it was new it was highly rated. 

Now that it’s 12 years old, reliability will largely depend upon how much abuse it has had.

But if it has been properly maintained then it will still be highly reliable considering whatever mileage it has done. 

It's a Toyota. Toyota make reliable cars. Be sure to test drive it as  any badly treated or poorly  maintained cars can have problems. Look for full service history, low miles and low number of owners.