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What do you think of my poem, "Why?"?
Why?
The world ain't colorblind,
Time twists wasted on divine
Lines and bright signs.
The world ain't no harmony
You can't sing on all keys,
Doors are hidden from thee.
The world ain't always true
Falsehoods are heard, too,
As plain gibberish soothes.
That's why the world is blue.
A song you just can't tune.
8 Answers
- Anonymous3 weeks ago
Very very nice. Nice metaphors. Nice syncopated rhythm (groove). Reminiscent of the Beat poets of yore. Something one of them might’ve read on the stage of one of those little offbeat coffee shops down in Greenwich Village in the late ‘50s to mid ‘60s. I dig it. Exceptional, actually. Yeah, although I was pretty young and maybe didn’t appreciate it as much as I did when I got older, I was actually alive during that era and in that particular metropolitan location, so I know what the vibe was like back then. And how people interacted with one another. And appreciated things like what you’ve composed here. And it was much better in those days than it is nowadays I have to say. I guess because there were more people who expressed themselves in the way that you do. But yeah, you have some transcendent gifts there. I write a little bit myself so I think I’m pretty good at detecting writing chops when I see it. LOL.
- KindredLv 53 weeks ago
I love ‘as plain gibberish soothes.”
Not singing all keys is great usage. I like how it moves from twists to lines (juxtaposition of image) Not connecting the doors and harmony but I’m ok with that.
It’s smart but colloquial. I had to put on my Matthew mcconaughey voice.
- A conscienceLv 62 months ago
This poem is a tired soul
Drifting over salty seas
Too deafened by those raucous gulls
To hear the ocean breathe
- 2 months ago
the hustle
the bustle
and the sleaze
I will travel
the city
with ease
Out on top, but it's not the end
there is more to come, my friend