If a guy is shy in bed but is confident outside, what does that mean?

Question

My boyfriend has a reserved and quiet personality. He is handsome but he doesn't show off and most of the time he is kind of aloof. I don't think he was virgin when he did that with me because a guy like him can't be, plus he already knew what to do. What I mean is that he's really modest in bed, he doesn't show off, takes off and puts on his clothes quickly, looks at me in the eyes without smiling, doesn't moan or talk or smile. When he put on the condom he turned to the side of the bed, opened it with his hands and not with his teeth like in movies do, told me to turn and not look. He was caring and kissed me during the whole thing but I wonder where his modesty and shyness in bed come from. He doesn't look insecure or nervous. He just looks like he really doesn't want to act in a certain way (look at me, I'm hot, you're mine). Is that due to religion? Or education?

? · Answer

Mmmkay, i think i’m pretty hot but i’ve never been one to brag about it.  I don’t like to talk about all the girls i’ve slept with, don’t feel comfortable talking about sexual prowess at all, just not into it.  Haven’t used a condom in years (i’m married) but when i used to turning away was something i did but showing emotion was something i also did during sex.  If he’s awkward like that it would make me nervous

Anonymous · Answer

It could be due to performance anxiety. The best way to overcome this is to start of with the basics and just play with each others bits... if you don't know the best techniques, watch some adult DVDs or get some self-help books for tips on how to have the most fun. Get him to give you oral so he can really get to know your body.

Importantly, he has to understand that he can probably give you orgasms with tongue/fingers etc without even being hard inside you. He probably has the fixed (and ignorant) guy myth in his mind that it's his performance inside you that is the sole thing that gives you orgasms. This is of course nonsense - he just has a lot to learn about girls' bits... be patient - teach him and discuss it frankly. Once you've played around like this on several occasions, he'll be more relaxed about the whole thing.

Another helpful hint is to say things to boost his confidence. Remember, guys like to be made to feel that they are doing a good job pleasing their girlfriends and intimacy is all about confidence. Hence, if you can compliment him then it will go along was towards make him better at sex. Good luck, have fun :)

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If a guy is shy in bed but is confident outside, what does that mean?

2 Answers