Boyfriend literally checks out women in front of me?

Question

My boyfriend and I were out having lunch. A petite black girl in shorts (like super short) hits the corner and his eyes go to her. She was walking up and down the street on the phone (assuming she was looking for someone). Each time he seen her, he would look. The final time he seen her he looked and began smiling/blushing. I didn’t say anything. A few weeks later, we’re having lunch and the owner of the restaurant comes and greet us, he literally looks her up, down and back up again (she’s married). I’m not sure if she noticed, but she gave an uncomfortable laugh said “enjoy” and walked away. I was so speechless. I did not say anything. Growing up, whenever I would express myself I would always be told to shut up or nobody would listen to me. So overtime I just kept my feelings to myself (I am well aware I’m a ticking time bomb waiting to explode).

Hopefully everyone will be mature and respectful to this. Just looking for advice, what to do and so on. Thank you in advance :).

Lili · Accepted Answer

It's just about impossible for a man NOT to look at an attractive woman, especially one walking around in revealing clothing. It's unrealistic to expect that men won't look.

However, they should not look in a prolonged manner, especially when they are with wives and girlfriends.  That's just crass and rude.  A quick glance is fine and normal. Other than that, they need to master and control their gazes.  Obviously looking a woman up and down as you describe is really inappropriate.

You can try telling this guy, "Look, there's nothing wrong with looking at an attractive woman. All straight men do that, and it doesn't bother me.  But when you're really looking in a prolonged way or looking a woman up and down the way I've seen you do, that's just bad manners, inappropriate behavior.  I don't like it, and the woman herself doesn't like it."

He'll probably bluster and deny, he might claim YOU have the problem, but you might make him think.  If he doesn't change, though, you'll have to consider whether you want to stay with him.

Homer Bufflekill · Answer

Unless he's standing there with his mouth hanging open, drooling and rubbing his crotch, I don't think you have much to worry about.

Foofa · Answer

It would seem your options are to either accept this behavior or to dump him. If he wants to look he's going to look no matter how much you nag him about it. Nowhere in this Q did you indicate that he tried to hit on these women, get their data or in any way undermine his relationship with you. So yeah, if this is your only complaint with this guy you're lucky indeed.

Anonymous · Answer

Hey I’m sorry I forgot to add on that I am aware that it is human nature for the eyes to “wonder.” When I’m with him, I see attractive people I look and I go back to doing what I was doing :).

Coach Simon · Answer

Glancing is one thing, staring is another. What you describe is disrespectful and rather immature, one would think. Are you sure you are with the right guy?

Anonymous · Answer

Personally I can't stand men who look at other women that way in front of their partner, and It's been my experience most of them are always looking to cheat. I would dump him.

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Boyfriend literally checks out women in front of me?

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