help (infinite serious)?

so the emd came to my house about 30 times from 2017 to the end of last year

and every time they babbled nonsense and left

i was at the hospital twice and both times they hinted that there was no surgery for a neck injury or closing neck

the first hospital in 2017 legit said they could not save me a decent hospital so i just stayed there for 2 months

the second hospital zucker february 2021 said i should stay with someone there

even then was heavy wheezing which would have been a stupid idea staying in a room with another injured person so i was forced to come home (not a bad thing at first or very bad)

no my breathing is 110% percent off normal and i can choke at any second 

literally feels like a 20/10 balloon exploding on the left side of my neck

but cannot pay for a surgery or call 911 since was rejected countless times 

i was and am out of all options and will die in complete agony soon right?

i would say i accepted it but i dont and this has been far more horrible than my worst nightmares 

the neck injury occured in lake george in 2017 and since them nobody wanted to treat me :( (thoughts screaming in pain)