Lexi

When I was born my parents already had a dog and i never cared for it or even bonded a little bit. It died when I was 12 and I didn't care at all. 

I've also had my own pets and I just never bond with them enough like I feed them and mind them but I can't seem to bond and never care when they die.When I was 7 my fish died and when I found out I just wanted to open it to see what was inside.I've been this way all my life is not a defense mechanism. 

My mom had cancer and I barely remember any of it but I remember the feeling that I was meant to care way more than I did. 

My grandpa was sick last year and like all I felt was that he was old enough. 

My friends boyfriend killed himself last week and like idk I'm not able to care. Same thing happened when my classmates brother died and all the school had like a mourning period and a lot of crying but like I didn't even know the guy.  

Most times I fake cry so people won't think I'm weird but I genuinely don't feel anything. I think no one's death would really affect me. The only people I might be wrong about are my parents and even their deaths have their pro's. Maybe i'm being dumb but, from experience, I dont think so.

Idk I'm just curious as to why I'm so detached and it goes back as far as I can remember. I get the feeling that not caring about anyone is what is making me feel so alone even if I have people that I love and I do kind of wish I had the kind of relationship I've seen people have with their dogs ye know.