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I feel tired to even talk at times I’m only 21 female I also been very stressed 

Rape happened years before the threesome

If I have access to my bf snapchat, messenger, Facebook, insta, & he screen records his phone for me sometimes to show apps and once screen recorded his emails then there’s no reason to go into his gmail to check his history & app/website activity right? He even once showed me his phone activity and that you can’t delete. But I’m afraid I’ll see him looking up nasty naughty things Or weird stuff, also afraid I’ll see him using certain apps or visiting certain websites! 

In a long distance relationship, the guy is 30 this is his first relationship with me he’s never had a girlfriend before but few hookups. I’ve asked many times if he’s Bisexual & he’s always said he knows what he wants & NO! When we first met I sent him a meme in that meme had a football he knew and said he’s pretty handsome he can find guys handsome, I know when he was like 12 or 15 he watch a gay porno and due to that I’ve probably asked more then 20 times if he’s bi and he always tells me he is not. One day I mentioned when we first met and was just friends he asked if I was bi I said no then when I ask him he said something like he’s pretty sure he’s not or so far he’s good and I ask why did he say that and he said he doesn’t really remember he can find men handsome say their handsome but he doesn’t think he’s bisexual but in 10-15 years who knows he said even I won’t know about my sexuality. I kinda flipped on him then he said I’m taking it the wrong way he’s talking about other people but with him I don’t have to worry he knows he’s not bi but I was still upset then told him I experimented with a girl when I was 16 and I know I can say for sure I’m not bisexual and I ask him if him knowing now that I did sexual stuff with a girl turn him on or off he said neither it’s in the past and when I asked a trick question if he would want a threesome with me and another girl he said seeing another girl touch me is like another man touching me he said I can leave if I want that

When I was 15 I went to sleep by my grandmothers and she was asking me to help her with her phone cause she had a porn site on there and wanted to save or delete a video from it, we were also watching a movie and at one point we started to touch and after some time watch a porn movie while masturbating. Afterwards I felt sick and spent the whole year wanting to die and feeling lost. She did some things to me when I was a kid growing up on and off. Due to that I never been sexual with anyone never even been on a date never had a kiss actually I did have a kiss and that was from my grandmother.. just typing this makes me feel sick! I’m 21 female and still a virgin I’ve had romantic serious penpals online, sext online, few older men stalk me in my hometown and through social media and I only have spoken to them online. I’ve always been shy and have anxiety and my past makes me sick! I have been dating a guy that’s amazing he gives me the world tries to work with me through my issues. But his past bothers me he’s had a threesome, sex on the beach while on vacation with a random, sex in a bar bathroom, etc. makes me feel insecure, jealous, worthless and wish I could have my fun but I don’t want to lose him this bothers me that I almost have walk away from him. He tells me he doesn’t even think about it he wishes he was a virgin when he talks with me, on his own he doesn’t wish to undo anything cause it doesn’t bother him but with me he wish to undo it