UR funee but looks arent evrythg

A Married Mexican.....

A married Mexican went into the confessional and said to his priest,

"I almost had an affair with another woman."

The priest said,

"What do you mean, almost?"

The Mexican said,

"Well, we got undressed and rubbed together, but then I stopped."

The priest said,

"Rubbing together is the same as putting it in. You're not to see

that woman again.

For your penance, say five Hail Mary's and put $50 in the poor

box."

The Mexican left the confessional, said his prayers, and then walked

over

to the poor box.

He paused for a moment and then started to leave.

The priest, who was watching, quickly ran over to him saying,

"I saw that. You didn't put any money in the poor box!"

The Mexican replied,

"Yeah, but I rubbed the $50 on the box, and according to you,

that's the same as putting it in."

(sorry good jokes are getting scarce) ;-)

Life has now been explained to you

One day, God created the dog and said: "Sit all day by the door of your house and bark at anyone who comes in or walks past. For this, I will give you a life span of twenty years."

The dog said: "That's a long time to be barking. How about only ten years and I'll give you back the other ten?" So, God agreed.

On the next day, God created the monkey and said: "Entertain people, do tricks, and make them laugh. For this, I'll give you a twenty year life span."

The monkey said: "Monkey tricks for twenty years? That's a pretty long time to perform. How about I give you back ten like the dog did?" And God agreed.

On the next day, God created the cow and said: "You must go into the field with the farmer all day long and suffer under the sun, have calves and give milk to support the farmer's family. For this, I will give you a life span of sixty years."

The cow said: "That's kind of a tough life. You want me to live for sixty years, how about twenty and I'll give back the other forty?" And God agreed again.

Then on the next day, God created man and said: "Eat, sleep, play, Marry and enjoy your life. For this, I'll give you twenty years."

But man said: "Only twenty years? Could you possibly give me my twenty, the forty the cow gave back, the ten the monkey gave back, and the ten the dog gave back; that makes eighty, okay?" "Okay," said God, "You asked for it."

So that is why the first twenty years we eat, sleep, play and enjoy ourselves. For the next forty years we slave in the sun to support our family. For the next ten years we do monkey tricks to entertain the grandchildren. And for the last ten years we sit on the front porch and bark at everyone.

Life has now been explained to you!

For all those men who say, Why buy a cow when you can get milk for free. Here's an update for you: Now days, 80% of women are against marriage, WHY? Because women realize it's not worth buying an entire pig just to get a little sausage.

1. Men are like ...Laxatives ...... They irritate the crap out of you.

2. Men are like.Bananas . The older they get, the less firm they are.

3. Men are like ......Weather . Nothing can be done to change them.

4. Men are like .Blenders You need One, but you're not quite sure why.

5. Men are like .....Chocolate Bars .... Sweet, smooth, & they usually head right for your hips.

6. Men are like ...Commercials ....... You can't believe a word they say.

7. Men are like Department Stores .... Their clothes are always 1/2 off.

8. Men are like ..Government Bonds .... They take soooooooo long to mature.

9. Men are like .....Mascara . They usually run at the first sign of emotion.

10. Men are like Popcorn ..... They satisfy you, but only for a little while.

11. Men are like Snowstorms .... You never know when they're coming, how many inches you'll get or how long it will last.

12. Men are like .......Lava Lamps .... Fun to look at, but not very bright.

13. Men are like Parking Spots . All the good ones are taken, the rest are handicapped.

Would the world be a better place if everyone did? A lot less heartbreak/ache? Why is it that we let them get away? Who is to blame?

Navajo Code Talker Day! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YZuOiqo1glk

My other ride has ****, what do they mean by that?

put in his belly button? And how old are spongebob and patrick-they live alone and one has a job.

Real name is from "That 70's show?" Im curious, thx

They were told not to take any modern weapons back to 1357 but one man does and it was a grenade, why didnt that explode when they were first being "transported"? Dont they get broken down into tiny molecules? The grenade could have easy detonated.

have you ever noticed how some movie storyline just dont make sense or contradicts?

And if so how? Also can be written as a credit? or what was that other word? Need some info on taxes and student loans please. Thanks-to all who respond.

Can you tell me what kind of comic book that is? I heard some guy frens talk about it..im curious?

A woman goes into Wal-mart to buy a rod and reel. She doesn't know which one to get, so she just grabs one and goes over to the register. There is a Wal-mart associate standing there with dark glasses on. She asks, "Excuse me sir. Can you tell me anything about this rod and reel?"

He says, "Ma'am I'm blind, but if you drop it on the counter I can tell you everything you need to know about it from the sound that it makes." She didn't believe him, but dropped it all on the counter anyway.

He said "That's a 6' graphite rod with Zebco 202 reel and 10 lb. test line. It's a good all around rod and reel, and it's $20." She says, "That's amazing that you can tell all that just by the sound of it dropping on the counter. I think it's what I'm looking for, so I'll take it."

He walks behind the counter to the register. And in the meantime, the woman farts. At first she is embarrassed, but then realizes that there is no way he could tell it was she. Being blind, he wouldn't know that she was the only person around.

He rings up the sale and says, "That will be $25.50."

She asks, "But didn't you say it was $20?"

He says, "Yes ma'am, the rod and reel is $20, the duck call is $3, and the catfish stink bait is $2.50!"

On the kids cartoon show Spongebob, Mr Krabbs is always concerned about losing money and business and yet his is the only one in Bikini Bottom where all the customers go but Plakton never gets any customers but his store manages to keep operating without any customers and never worries about going broke? Why is that? Storyboard flaw or not important on a kids cartoon?

I went to and actually grew up in one, does anyone think they are in violation of CPS codes? or is it something like military schools so its ok. I went from 1983 to 1993, had some pretty tough rules and chores.Does anyone have an opinon?