gEmInI

Anyone know? :-|

How much does a polar bear weigh???

John and Wendy are a couple and John asks Wendy to marry him. Wendy is really insecure, so she says if he agrees to tattoo her name on his penis she will marry him. John proceeds to the nearest tattoo parlour and after much pain emerges with the name WENDY tattooed across his penis. But when it's not erect all you see is WY. They get married and go to Jamaica for their honeymoon. John is in the toilet with one of the locals and glances over at the guy's pecker. He then notices this guy also has WY tatooed. He asks the Jamaican, "Is your girlfriends' name Wendy too?" The Jamaican replies, "No man" He stretches his willy out and it reads, "Welcome to Jamaica have a nice stay"

John faints....

Way to a Girls Heart

1. when she asks how she looks shrug and say "could be better" this will keep her on her toes. and girls love that.

2. never hold her hand. this can be interpreted as a sign of weakness. (or if she grabs your hand squeeze hers really really hard until she cries. this will impress her by showing her what a strong man you are.)

3. once a month sneak up on her from behind and knock her over. girls are like dogs. they love to be roughed up.

4. call her in the middle of the night to ask if she's sleeping. if she is say you better be , repeat this 4 or 5 times until morning. this will show her you care.

5. when she is upset about something, suggest to her that it might be her fault. this will pave the way for her own personal improvement. and every girl needs some improvement.

(Assume you are a girl if you are a boy) It's your first time. As you lie back, your muscles tighten. You put him off for a while searching for an excuse, but he refuses to be swayed as he approaches you. He asks if you're afraid and you shake your head bravely. He has had more experience, but it's the first time his finger has found the right place. He probes deeply and you shiver; your body tenses but he's gentle like he promised he'd be. He looks deeply within your eyes and tells you to trust him he's done this many times before. His cool smile relaxes you and you open wider to give him more room for an easy entrance. You begin to plead and beg him to hurry, but he slowly takes his time, wanting to cause you as little pain as possible. As he presses closer, going deeper, you feel the tissue give way; pain surges throughout your body and you feel the slight trickle of blood as he continues. He looks at you concerned and asks you if it's too painful.

Lulu was a prostitute. One day there was a raid. All the

prostitutes were lined up outside the police station as they took them in one by one. As Lulu stood in line, she saw her Grandma coming down the street and was so ashamed. Grandma didn't know her occupation. Grandma stopped to say hi, and asked what the line was for. Lulu, saving face, said that the police were giving away fresh Oranges

to those waiting. Grandma said wonderful, she loved oranges and got at the end of the line. When the policeman got to the end and saw her, he was amazed. He said "How the heck do you do this at your age?" She said "I just take out my teeth, rip the skin back and suck' em dry!"

> > >The policeman fainted.

I am the colour and the name,

I'm not an orange if it's all the same

I do have a sweet smell

and using my name could mean

All is well.