Brian M

I have been dating "Ryan" for about 4 years. Ryan's very outgoing and social, while I'm fairly shy. It seems like every time I turn around, Ryan is making new friends, while I have virtually no one. To make things worse, I'm not "allowed" to make friends because he thinks if I had more gay male friends, I'd be tempted to cheat. (Ryan, on the other hand, can do whatever he wants.) Ryan is always choosing his friends over me, probably because he knows he can get away with it. Over the weekend, I asked Ryan if he'd like to go for a walk in a nearby park with me. He was at a friend's house watching movies (and I wasn't invited). Next weekend, a friend of mine from college is coming to visit. I invited Ryan, but he's going to a picnic at another friend's house. I'm tired of being hurt and rejected by Ryan. Our relationship has a lot of problems. We don't live together, and he's made it clear he's not interested in ever living with or marrying me. It's also a sexless relationship. He's told me in a roundabout way that he's not attracted to me. I don't want to have to walk away from someone I love, but he's not giving me much choice. Is there any hope?

I have been dating "Ryan" for almost 4 years. Ryan and I do not live together, and he has made it clear that he never wants to live with me. We will also (obviously) never be getting married. It's also a sexless relationship. He's told me in a roundabout way that he's not attracted to me in the same way he was to the other guys he's dated. Ryan's an extreme narcissist. Everything has to be all about Ryan. I've even been told by mutual friends that I become more shy around him, probably because he wants me barefoot and pregnant while all the attention is on him. We rarely see each other. Ryan has all the time in the world for his friends, but none for me. He belongs to a leather fetish group and they meet up once a week (I'm not invited). I know he hits on other guys and probably even fools around with them there, but there's nothing I can do about it. The truth is, Ryan's hurt me a lot over the past 4 years. He cheated on me with an ex-boyfriend, and somehow, I was the bad guy because I dared to have a problem with it. I feel like it's time to move on, but I'm really afraid to let go. I guess I think that he's going to move on with someone younger and better looking than me, while I'll be alone for the rest of my life. I hate being alone. I've been thinking about breaking up with him for quite some time, but I've always chickened out about going through with it. Any advice would be much appreciated. Thank you.

My relationship with "Ryan" started off good. We had sex every day for several weeks, but then he began to push me away. He says it's because he's impotent. He has some issues with maintaining an erection, but it's not totally dead. To make things worse, he refuses to engage in any physical intimacy with me at all because he says it doesn't feel good to him. I've told him that it feels good to me, but that's fallen on deaf ears. I'm 28. He's 35. We've been together for about 4 years. Never dreamed I'd be in a sexless relationship in my 20's. The thing is, he pushes me away physically the same way he pushes me away emotionally. For example, he doesn't communicate with me and also doesn't want to spend time with me. He has all the time in the world for his friends and family, but with me, he's very distant. Ryan was in multiple failed LTRs before he met me, and based on everything that's happened with us, I can totally see why. Is there anything that can be done about this? I've talked to him about it multiple times, but he just argues with me and nothing ever changes. I've even brought up letting me go outside the relationship for sex, but he said he would not be okay with that. Any advice??

I have been dating "Ryan" for 3 and a half years. There's a disturbing pattern with Ryan: He ignores me. We had a great Christmas together and New Year's was also a lot of fun, but for the past few days, he's stopped communicating with me altogether. He's not mad at me as far as I know. He's just decided he's had enough of me and would like to spend time/talk to some other people, apparently. If I text him, it gets ignored. If I call him, it gets sent to voice mail. I asked him if he'd like to hang out sometime over the weekend, but of course, no response. My feelings have been really badly hurt. I'm afraid if I text him letting him know how much he's hurt me, World War III will break out. He knows he's hurting me. We've been through this many times before. He says he's sorry, and yet he keeps doing it. Ryan was in multiple failed long-term relationships before me, so I guess it's not much of a surprise that he's trying his best to screw things up with me too. I don't know what to do. Right now, I'm not even bothering to contact him. Any advice??

I have been dating "Ryan" for 3 and a half years. There's a disturbing pattern with Ryan: He ignores me. We had a great Christmas together and New Year's was also a lot of fun, but for the past few days, he's stopped communicating with me altogether. He's not mad at me as far as I know. He's just decided he's had enough of me and would like to spend time/talk to some other people, apparently. If I text him, it gets ignored. If I call him, it gets sent to voice mail. I asked him if he'd like to hang out sometime over the weekend, but of course, no response. My feelings have been really badly hurt. I'm afraid if I text him letting him know how much he's hurt me, World War III will break out. He knows he's hurting me. We've been through this many times before. He says he's sorry, and yet he keeps doing it. Ryan was in multiple failed long-term relationships before me, so I guess it's not much of a surprise that he's trying his best to screw things up with me too. I don't know what to do. Right now, I'm not even bothering to contact him. Any advice??

I have been dating Ryan for 3 and a half years. Ryan has been a terrible boyfriend to me. For the most part, he ignores me. If I text him, he doesn't respond. If I call him, he sends my calls to voice mail. It's a sexless relationship, even though we're both in our 20s. He has no time to do anything with me even though he doesn't work and has all the time in the world for his friends. We don't live together and probably never will. He's used me as an ATM, now owing me almost $10,000. He also opened a credit card in my name and didn't make the payments, and now I'm being threatened with a lawsuit. I'm sick of his BS, and have stopped calling/texting him, but I also can't make myself break up with him. I guess I hate to be alone? Except I already am alone. He's also said he wants to marry me one day, but when? I feel like I've given him enough of my time and I know he's just going to continue mistreating me for the rest of our lives. He's said himself that he knows he's been a bad boyfriend to me, but things aren't getting better. They're getting worse. I'm lonely and bored and depressed and don't know what to do. One more thing: He uses his facebook page as a bully pad. I know that if I break up with him, I'm going to be slandered to all our mutual friends and I will never hear the end of it. Help!!

I have been with Ryan for over 3 years. About a year and a half ago, Ryan opened a credit card in my name and told me he was going to have no trouble making the minimum payments. Well, he ran up over $3000 in charges and never made a single payment. Yesterday, I was served with a lawsuit over the account. My credit is wrecked, and I also get daily collection calls for his debt. What's particularly ironic is that Ryan claims to be a super-honest person and hates liars. If I so much as fibbed about the time I got home from work, he'd wet himself. Ryan doesn't work and spends his days shopping and going out with friends using his dad's money because his dad recently inherited about a million dollars and Ryan uses him as an ATM. In spite of that, Ryan's dad is not going to pay any of Ryan's debts, or pay me back any of the money Ryan owes me (over $10,000). Ryan drives a brand new $50K car while I drive a used POS that's almost 20 years old. I'm so angry with Ryan. I'm meeting him and his friends for drinks after work, and I don't know how I'm going to pretend to be happy with him when I truthfully want to wring his neck. Any advice for what I should do? Thank you.

I have been with "Ryan" for over 3 years. It's a complicated relationship in that I love him to death and mostly enjoy spending time with him, but he also acts like a jerk to me. He's unemployed and uses me as an ATM. He's bipolar and uses his medical condition as an excuse every time he's mean to me. He doesn't communicate with me and has no time for me, but he has time for all his other friends/family members. Per one of his friends, Ryan's dating pattern is that he chooses a partner he feels superior to. That would be true for us, as I'm very shy while he's a life of the party type. If that's not bad enough, I caught him hitting on another guy behind my back. We had a huge blow-up over it, and he refused to stop being friends with the guy and continued to cultivate a friendship with him after what happened. The really creepy part: the guy is very similar to me. His friends call him "the white trash version of Brian." We do not live together and I rarely see Ryan. I've also stopped texting/calling him, and he could care less. Over the next couple months, I will see Ryan on his birthday, Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Years, and a concert we're attending. When should I sit him down and talk to him? Thank you.

I have been dating "Ryan" for over 3 years. I'm getting sick of him. The biggie is that he ignores me for days on end -- ignoring my texts, sending my calls to voice mail, etc. He has time for all the other people in his life, but not me. Most couples who have been together for as long as us are talking about marriage or at least living together. Ryan has said before he cannot see himself ever wanting to marry me or live with me, though he does love me and enjoys spending time with me. Ryan is bipolar, and frankly, uses his medical condition as an excuse for mistreating me. If I confront him about something he did, he'll tell me his synapses were misfiring and he's not responsible for his actions (I'm not exaggerating. He blames his bad behavior on his synapses!). I'm 28 years old and Ryan's not my first boyfriend, but he is the only guy I've ever loved. I still love him and don't want to let him go, but not only does our relationship seem to be going nowhere, it's becoming worse for me. Some of the issues I was willing to put up with in the beginning of our relationship are getting old. Most of the time, it feels like I'm single, and get more love and support from friends than I do from him. Help!

I have been with my boyfriend "Ryan" for over 3 years. I'm very codependent in the relationship. Throughout the duration of our relationship, I have sacrificed myself time and again for him, while he has done little to nothing for me. Ryan's allowed to hang out with whomever he wants, but I'm more or less not allowed to have friends. Example: When I went to a baseball game with two friends of mine who are engaged to each other, Ryan was super-jealous and made me feel guilty about the whole thing. One more thing, probably the most damaging: Ryan is bipolar, and likes to use his medical condition as an excuse for mistreating me. He'll ignore my texts and send my calls to voicemail, and says he can't help it because he's in a depression. He has time for other people, but not me. One friend of his even speculated that he was intentionally acting like a jerk to me to get me to break up with him. They think a part of him would enjoy a breakup because he'd get to be the center of attention and get sympathy from everyone. As bad as this may sound, I still want the relationship with Ryan to work. I love him. For me, my way to make it work is not being so codependent on him. I would like to make some gay friends. I'm not looking to find another boyfriend. Just some friends I can chat with and get my mind off myself. How can I make some gay friends? Any websites for friendship? He has a tracking device on my computer (yep), so if he sees me on a dating website, he'll flip out.

I have been dating "Ryan" for about 3 years. The relationship has a lot of problems. It's a sexless relationship, and we barely communicate at all. I text him a couple times a day, and my texts typically get ignored. When I call him, my calls get sent to voice mail. We have no plans to ever live together or get married. Ryan's bipolar, and has frequent mood swings and similar psychological issues that at times seem hopeless. He doesn't work and never has any money. I've had to treat for most of the stuff we've done together, and I know I'm never going to get paid back. We're going to a concert together on Friday. After the concert, I think I'm going to give him a head's up that I'm thinking about letting him go. I want to give him until about the end of the year to shape up. That way, I won't be able to say, "If only you had talked to him about things, the relationship could've been saved." I do love him, but he's trying my patience, and the relationship isn't getting better for me. It's getting worse.

I've been dating "Ryan" for about 3 years. Ryan and I are in a sexless relationship. Ryan has told me he thinks I'm a nice guy but he's not very physically attracted to me. He had a normal sex life with all the other guys he's dated, but with me, he's not interested in sex. We don't live together, and he and I never spend the night together (even just sleeping). When I try to touch him, he'll tell me to stop. I'm only 27 years old and never thought I'd be in a sexless relationship at such a young age. Is there any hope for us?

I've been with Ryan for almost 3 years. I love him to death and I've never been in love before. The time we spend together is always a lot of fun, and I also became fast friends with his circle of friends, who I'm now very close with. But there are some obvious problems. Ryan's an extreme narcissist, while I'm fairly shy. As I've read, narcissists seek out a partner like me who lets them be the center of attention and put them up on a pedestal, but even I have my limits. Ryan's unemployed and plans on never working again for the rest of his life. Ryan is bipolar, and thinks that he's entitled to special rights and privileges because of his medical condition. When he's guilty of bad behavior, he always uses the "I can't help it because I'm bipolar" excuse. He's told me we're going to get a place together when he's approved for disability, but I know in my heart he doesn't want to live with me. We're in a sexless relationship, and he has no desire to do anything physical with me. He also consistently pushes me away. If I text him, it gets ignored. If I call him, he sends it to voicemail. His best friend told him he's so lucky to have me because anyone else in my shoes would've left his crazy @ss a long time ago. But through it all, I still love him and enjoy the time we do spend together. He's not going to break up with me, so if the relationship ends, I'd have to do it, and I don't think I'm ready. Our 3 year anniversary is in a few weeks. Any advice on where this should go?

I have been dating "Ryan" for 3 years. In the first couple months of dating, we had a very passionate intense sex life, but after that, we stopped having sex altogether. Ryan says it's because the meds he's on kill his sex drive, but I can't help but feel rejected by him. To add insult to injury, the times we have talked about it, Ryan will say "I was very horny with all my other boyfriends." I'm not a prude. I'd be up for sex 7 nights a week if Ryan wanted it. Ryan can perform with Viagra/Cialis but he refuses to take it because he said it doesn't make him feel good. When I told him it makes me feel good, his exact words were "I never thought about that" -- but he still refuses to take it. We don't live together, and Ryan also doesn't want me spending the night at his house. Ryan never comes to visit me, and has also consistently been very emotionally distant with me. Also, if someone new enters his life, Ryan forgets all about me. When his brother was staying at his house, Ryan went over a month without even talking to me because he was having so much fun hanging out with his brother, he forgot he had a boyfriend. All of my friends ask me why I'm still with him, and a big part of me wonders that too. But I love him to death in spite of everything. I just wish there was something I could do to jumpstart our sex life, because as it stands now, I don't know how much longer I'll be able to continue with him if he's going to continue rejecting me like this.

I've been with "Ryan" for 3 years. Ryan is bipolar, and likes to use that as an excuse for all his selfish behavior. Whenever he messes up, he always says in a roundabout way that he's not responsible for his actions because he's bipolar, and if you have a problem with him, you're a bigot that hates people with psychological problems. Ryan is also an extreme narcissist. Everything always has to be all about him. Sometimes, it feels like he's intentionally sabotaging our relationship to get me to break up with him. That way, he'll get to be the center of attention again and milk the poor me routine for all it's worth. Ryan's currently not talking to me. I didn't do anything wrong, and if you asked him why he's not talking to me, he'd say it's because he's bipolar and he can't help it. He's capable of talking to all his other friends, but his issues are too severe to talk to me apparently. I've told him how much it hurts me when he shuts me out, but nothing changes. I have no idea what else I can do. Ryan was in 3 failed LTRs before me, and if he did half the BS to them that he's done to me, I see why those relationships didn't last. Oh yeah, Ryan's also unemployed and receives more in disability benefits than I make at my full time job. But in spite of that, he spends all his money as soon as he gets it and also now owes me thousands of dollars.

I've been with my boyfriend "Ryan" for almost 3 years. I think Ryan and I are very compatible. He helps me with my weaknesses. I help him with his. When we spend time together, we typically have a great time. I also get along very well with all his friends and family. But, we do have our problems. Ryan has told me he has no interest in ever getting married or living with me. Ryan was in 3 LTRs before me and lived with all of them, but he has said in a roundabout way that he doesn't love me in the same way he loved them. He's said several times that we're more "friends" than boyfriends. Ryan's also dirt poor, and if I want to do anything with him (even going out to a fast food restaurant), I have to treat for him. He doesn't work, and receives disability benefits from the government. If that's not bad enough, we also don't communicate very well. Ryan has all day to chat with his friends on facebook chat, but if I try to talk to him, he ignores me. My texts get ignored. My calls get sent to voice mail. We have 3 concerts we're going to over the summer, and I'm expecting those 3 days to be the only times I see him all summer. What do you guys think? Is there any possibility that this relationship is worth saving?

I have been with my boyfriend "Ryan" for almost 3 years. Others think our relationship is a lot more stable than it actually is. Lately, Ryan has been shutting me out. It's been over 3 weeks since I've seen him. He has all the time in the world for his friends, but none for me. We haven't had sex in almost a year. When I call him, he sends my calls to voice mail. When I text him, it gets ignored. I haven't done anything wrong, so he shouldn't be mad at me. Even his best friend has been telling people that "Ryan uses me emotionally through his selfish behavior" (I'm not supposed to know she said that ... lol). I'm getting tired of the BS and don't know how much more of this I can take. Help!!

I have been with my boyfriend "Ryan" for almost 3 years. I try to put a happy spin on things, but the reality of it is our relationship has a lot of problems. Firstly, it feels like I don't even have a boyfriend. Ryan for the most part ignores me. We don't see each other on the weekends. When I text him, it gets ignored. When I call him, it gets sent right to voicemail. He has all the time in the world for his friends, but for me, his "bipolar depression" is too bad for him to talk to me. Ryan is bipolar, and quite frankly, he uses that as an excuse to act like a selfish jerk to me. Everytime I dare to complain about anything, he gives me a lengthy reply about how the synapses in his brain misfire and if I don't accept it, then I'm stupid and a bigot that hates bipolar people. Ryan doesn't work. Instead, he volunteers at a psychiatric hospital, and the volunteer work he does is much more important than any job would ever be. You would think he was a doctor from the way he goes on and on about how important he is. Several months ago, he said he would like to get a place with me, but I'm starting to wonder if that was just BS to further string me along. He's on food stamps and has no desire to do anything to make money ever. How are we ever going to afford to live together?? I'm thinking about talking with him the next time I see him, but Ryan uses his facebook as a bully pad and I know my name will be smeared through the mud if our relationship doesn't work out. Help!!

I have been dating "Ryan" for about 3 years. Before me, Ryan was in a 5 year relationship with "Dan." Ryan loves to go on and on about Dan and what a great guy he is and how much fun they've had together. I've told Ryan REPEATEDLY that I am sick of hearing about Dan, but he just doesn't get the message. I can't even go shopping at the grocery store without my food choices being compared to what Dan would get. Well, now Dan's best friend just died, and Ryan's going to the memorial/funeral. Ryan's now used the best friend's death as an excuse to bring up Dan every chance he gets -- and if I get annoyed, I'm being insensitive to the guy who died. When I was on the phone with Ryan last night, he had an incoming call from Dan and decided to take that instead of talking to me. Dan specifically asked Ryan for me not to come to the memorial/funeral because he thinks I'd only be there to cause trouble. I don't care. I don't want to go. But I'm also soooooo freakin' sick of hearing about Dan and how great Dan is. How should I handle it? So far, I've tried to hide how irritated I am with Ryan, but I don't know how much longer it will last.