Rafif ®

well its actually for my boss. he registered a name with a local ISP.

he asked me to find out how to make into a functional site that can make email ids and all

Dear Employees,

Due to the current financial situation caused by the slowdown in the economy, Management has decided to implement a scheme to put workers of 40 years of age and above on early retirement. This scheme will be known as RAPE (Retire Aged People Early).

Persons selected to be RAPED can apply to management to be considered for the SHAFT scheme (Special Help After Forced Termination). Persons who have been RAPED and SHAFTED will be reviewed under the SCREW programme (Scheme Covering Retired-Early Workers). A person may be RAPED once, SHAFTED twice and SCREWED as many times as Management deems appropriate. Persons who have been RAPED could get AIDS (Additional Income for Dependants & Spouse) or HERPES (Half Earnings for Retired Personnel Early Severance).

Obviously persons who have AIDS or HERPES will not be SHAFTED or SCREWED any further by Management.

Persons who are not RAPED and are staying on will receive as much SHlT (Special High Intensity Training) as possible. Management has always prided itself on the amount of SHlT it gives employees. Should you feel that you do not receive enough SHlT, please bring this to the attention of your Supervisor, who has been trained to give you all the SHlT you can handle.

Sincerely,

The Management

please hit the star button if you guys liked it

A truck driver was driving along on the freeway. A sign comes up that reads "Low bridge ahead." Before he knows it the bridge is right ahead of him and he gets stuck under the bridge. Cars are backed up for miles.

Finally, a police car comes up. The cop gets out of his car and walks around to the truck driver, puts his hands on his hips and says, "Got stuck huh?"

The truck driver says, "No, I was delivering this bridge and ran out of gas."

please hit the star button if you like it

1 . When I was born, I was given a choice A big dick or a good memory.

I don't remember, what I chose.

2. Your birth certificate is an apology letter from the condom factory.

3. A wife is a sex object. Every time you ask for sex, she objects.

4. Impotence: Nature's way of saying 'No hard feelings...'

5. There are only two four letter words that are offensive to men 'don't' and

'stop', unless they are used together.

6. Panties: Not the best thing on earth, but next to the best thing on earth.

7. There are three stages of sex in a man's life:

Tri Weekly, Try Weekly, and Try Weakly.

8. Virginity can be cured.

9. Virginity is not dignity, its lack of opportunity.

10. Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don't have a good partner,

you'd better have a good hand.

11. I tried phone sex once, but the holes in the dialer were too small.

12. Marriage is the only war where you get to sleep with the enemy.

13. Q: What's an Australian kiss?

A: The same thing as a French kiss, only down under.

14 A couple just married were happy with the whole thing.

He was happy with the Hole and she was happy with the Thing......

15. Q: What are the three biggest tragedies in a mans life?

A: Life sucks, job sucks, and the wife doesn't.

16. Q: Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact?

A: Breasts don't have eyes.

17. Despite the old saying, 'Don't take your troubles to bed', many men still sleep with their wives!!

star me if you liked them..........

At last a guy has taken the time to write this all down

Finally , the guys' side of the story.

( I must admit, it's pretty good.)

We always hear " the rules" from the female side.

Now here are the rules from the male side.

These are our rules!

Please note.. these are all numbered "1 "

ON PURPOSE!

1. Men are NOT mind readers.

1. Learn to work the toilet seat.

You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down.

We need it up, you need it down.

You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

1. Sunday sports It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides.

Let it be.

1. Crying is blackmail.

1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one:

Subtle hints do not work!

Strong hints do not work!

Obvious hints do not work!

Just say it!

1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what

we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument.

In fact, all comments become Null and void after 7 Days.

1. If you think you're fat, you probably are.

Don't ask us.

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways

makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one

1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done.

Not both.

If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

1. Whenever possible, Please say whatever you have to say during

commercials.

1. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we.

1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings.

Peach, for example, is a fruit, not A color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We

have no idea what mauve is.

1. If it itches, it will be scratched.

We do that.

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," We will act like

nothing's wrong.

We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, Expect an answer you

don't want to hear.

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine...

Really .

1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to

discuss such topics as baseball or golf.

1. You have enough clothes.

1. You have too many shoes.

1. I am in shape. Round IS a shape!

1. Thank you for reading this.

Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight;

But did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping.

Pass this to as many men as you can -

to give them a laugh.

Pass this to as many women as you can - to give them a bigger laugh.

Please hit the star if you liked it !

The phone rings. The lady of the house answers, "Yes?"

"Mrs. Ward, please."

"Speaking"

"Mrs. Ward, this is Doctor Jones at the Medical Testing Laboratory.When

your Doctor sent your husband's samples to the lab, the samples from

another Mr. Ward were sent as well and we are now uncertain which one is

your husband's. Frankly, it is either bad or terrible."

"What do you mean?" Mrs. Ward asks.

"Well, one Mr. Ward has tested positive for Alzheimer's disease ! (related

to memory) and the other for AIDS. We can't tell which your husband's is"

"That's terrible! Can we do the test over?" questions Mrs. Ward.

"Normally, yes. But Medicare won't pay for these expensive tests more than

once."

"Well, what am I supposed to do now?"

"The people at Medicare recommend that you drop your husband off in the

middle of town. If he finds his way home, don't sleep with him."

Star me if you liked it.......

Scenario 1: Johnny and Mark get into a fistfight after school

1960 - Crowd gathers. Mark wins. Johnny and Mark shake hands and end up mates.

2007 - Police are called, Armed Response Unit arrives and arrests Johnny and Mark. Mobiles with video of fight confiscated as evidence. They are charged with assault, ASBOs are taken out and both are suspended even though Johnny started it. Diversionary conferences and parent meetings conducted. Video shown on 6 internet sites.

Scenario 2: Jeffrey won't sit still in class, disrupts other students.

1960 - Jeffrey is sent to the principal's office and given 6 of the best. Returns to class, sits still and does not disrupt class again.

2007 - Jeffrey is given huge doses of Ritalin. Counselled to death. Becomes a zombie. Tested for ADD. School gets extra funding because Jeffrey has a disability. Drops out of school.

Scenario 3: Billy breaks a window in his neighbour's car and his Dad gives him the slipper.

1960 - Billy is more careful next time, grows up normal, goes to college, and becomes a successful businessman.

2007 - Billy's dad is arrested for child abuse. Billy is removed to foster care and joins a gang. Psychologist tells Billy's sister that she remembers being abused herself and their dad goes to prison. Billy's mum has an affair with the psychologist. Psychologist gets a promotion.

Scenario 4: Mohammed fails high school English.

1960 - Mohammed retakes his exam, passes and goes to college.

2007 - Mohammed's cause is taken up by local human rights group. Newspaper articles appear nationally explaining that making English a requirement for graduation is racist. Civil Liberties Association files class action lawsuit against state school system and his English teacher. English is banned from core curriculum. Mohammed is given his qualification anyway but ends up mowing lawns for a living because he cannot speak English.

Scenario 5: Johnny takes apart leftover firecrackers, puts them in a model plane paint bottle and blows up an anthill.

1960 - Ants die.

2007 - MI5 and police are called and Johnny is charged with perpertrating acts of terrorism. Teams investigate parents, siblings are removed from the home, computers are confiscated, and Johnny's dad goes on a terror watch list and is never allowed to fly again.

Scenario 6: Johnny falls during break and scrapes his knee. His teacher, Mary, finds him crying, and gives him a hug to comfort him.

1960 - Johnny soon feels better and goes back to playing.

2007 - Mary is accused of being a sexual predator and loses her job. She faces three years in prison. Johnny undergoes five years of therapy. Becomes gay.

star me if you guys liked it....... ;)

i need to know where i can download for free msn messenger for my mobile which is nokia n80 and nokia e65 please

i need to know where i can download for free msn messenger for my mobile which is nokia n80 and nokia e65 please.

like norton or AVG or what ever for my lap top

Well this is kinda serious joke.... star me if you liked

Good story with old version…

There was once a washer man who had a donkey and a dog.

One night when the whole world was sleeping, a thief broke into the house, the washer man was fast asleep but the donkey and the dog were awake.

The dog decided not to bark since the master did not take good care of him and wanted to teach him a lesson.

The donkey got worried and said to the dog that if he doesn't bark, the donkey will have to do something himself. The dog did not change his mind and the donkey started braying loudly.

Hearing the donkey bray, the thief ran away, the master woke up and started beating the donkey for braying in the middle of the night for no reason.

Moral of the story " One must not engage in duties other than his own"

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Now take a new look at the same story…

The washer man was a well educated man from a premier management institute.

He had the fundas of looking at the bigger picture and thinking out of the box. He was convinced that there must be some reason for the donkey to bray in the night.

He walked outside a little and did some fact finding, applied a bottom up approach, figured out from the ground realities that there was a thief who broke in and the donkey only wanted to alert him about it.

Looking at the donkey's extra initiative and going beyond the call of the duty, he rewarded him with lot of hay and other perks and became his favorite pet.

The dog's life didn't change much, except that now the donkey was more motivated in doing the dogs duties as well. In the annual appraisal the dog managed a " meets requirement" Soon the dog realized that the donkey is taking care of his duties and he can enjoy his life sleeping and lazing around.

The donkey was rated as "star performer". The donkey had to live up to his already high performance standards. Soon he was over burdened with work and always under pressure and now is looking for a job rotation…

If you have worked in a corporate environment, I am sure you have guessed the characters of the new story.

people i need to convert quite a lot of .rm / .ram files to mp3. how do i do it for free. i tried www.youconvertit.com but they don't support .rm and .ram files

please help...!

A man had two suite tickets for the Euro 2008 Cup final Germany v Spain.

As he sits down, another man comes down and asks if anyone is sitting in the

seat next to him. "No" he says. "The seat is empty." "This is incredible!"

said the man. "Who in their right mind would have a seat like this for the

best game of Euro 2008, the biggest sporting event in the world, and not use

it?" He says, "Well, actually, the seat belongs to me.

My wife was supposed to come with me, but she passed away. This is the first

European Cup Final we haven't been to together since we got married."

"Oh I'm sorry to hear that. That's terrible. But couldn't you find someone

else a friend or relative, or even a neighbor to take the seat?"

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The man shakes his head... "No. They're all at her funeral."

Democratic differences between USA & India:

In USA you can kiss in public places but cannot ****,

In India you can **** in public places but cannot kiss!

......................................................

I'm not going back to school ever again

Why ever not?

The teacher doesn't know a thing, all she does is ask questions!

......................................................

Mother: How was your first day at school?

Son: It was all right except for some man called "Teacher" who kept spoiling all our fun!

......................................................

A software engineer was smoking.

A lady standing nearby said to him "can't you see the Warning, Smoking is injurious to health..!'.

He replied "We are bothered only about Errors, not Warnings !!"

star me if you liked it.... ;)

Two gay men decide to have a baby....They mix their sperm together

and

Have a surrogate mother artificially inseminated with it..

When the baby is born, they rush to the hospital...A dozen babies

are in the nursery ward, eleven of whom are crying and screaming...

Over in the corner, one baby is smiling serenely...A nurse comes by,

and to the delight of the gay fathers, she points out the happy

child as theirs...

Isn't it wonderful?' one gay says to the other. 'All these unhappy

babies....and yet our baby is so happy....This just proves the

superiority of gay love!'

The nurse says, ' Oh sure, he's happy now, but just watch what

happens when I pull the pacifier out of his ***.'

star me if you liked it.....

"why did the chicken cross the road??"

this is the worlds oldest...... what joke?? riddle??... what is it ??

man it so damn boring that you go @#$(*&@#$^**^%.

so from now on how many of you will report it?

please show your support as stars.

The Geography of a Woman

------------------------

Between the ages of 18 - 21 a woman is like Africa or Australia. She is half discovered, half wild and naturally beautiful with bushland around the fertile deltas.

Between the ages of 21 - 30 a woman is like America or Japan. Completely discovered, very well developed and open to trade especially with countries with cash or cars.

Between the ages of 30 - 35, she is like India or Spain. Very hot, relaxed and convinced of its own beauty.

Between the ages of 35 - 40 a woman is like France or Argentina. She may have been half destroyed during the war but can still be a warm and desirable place to visit.

Between the ages of 40 - 50 she is like Yugoslavia or Iraq. She lost the war and is haunted by past mistakes. Massive reconstruction is now necessary.

Between the ages of 50 - 60 she is like Russia or Canada. Very wide, quiet and the borders are practically unpatrolled but the frigid climate keeps people away.

Between the ages of 60 - 70 a woman is like England or Mongolia. With a glorious and all conquering past but alas no future (a bit like Tony Blair, maybe Blair's a women really).

After 70, they become Albania or Afghanistan. Everyone knows where it is, but no one wants to go there.

The Geography of a Man

------------------------

Between the ages of 15 - 70 a man is like Zimbabwe - ruled by a dick.

give me a star if you liked it.

i posted this question a couple of days before but no response please help people.....

click here

http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;_ylt=Au2pj...

after i click run twice this error message pops up :-

"could not load the DLL library

C:\WINDOWS\kernal32.dll. the specified module could not be found."

and the installation process stops ! what to do??? please advice..

can anyone please give me a link to download free rm to mp3 converter.....

i downloaded "Jodix Free RM to MP3 Converter" it did work once but now it is not working now. then i downloaded "Magic RM RAM to MP3 Converter" but they say they will only convert 1/3 of the file......

please help guys.....