Robert

i have thought using an overdose of my insulinto end my life but i need to make sure i die i dont want to end up in the mental hospital again. and i cant seem to come up wita good note to leave my family. the town in which i live has many bad pppl in it that seem to think it is a ok idea to mess with ppl that are mentally ill. and the less firtunate and even those like themselves. even so my hatred for myself has no bounds and i have wanted to die since i was young because i knew there would be no salvagingthis pathetic life and now i an almost 42 and as it turns out i was absolutely right.

i have 3 molars broken below the gumline one molar broken in half one with a large chunk out of it and an incisor that is really rotted looking and only a stump left of it. if have various small cavities along the gumline on many other molars and my top front teeth have these small chunks out of them at the gumline too. the way this decay started is i had a bout with severe depression some years ago and neglected my personal hygiene alot and when the teeth broke i would just pull the chunks from my gums by wiggling them and pulling them out with my fingers. i cant afford to go to a regular dentist so i had to just deal with it by brushing and taking advil for pain, which surprisingly i havent experienced much, but it seems the more i brush the worse they get. when i lay off on the brushing to a couple times a week there seems to be a little slower process of decay. luckily i found out about a dental clinic that came to my area that handles cases like mine and i have an appointment with them in a few days. boy, do they have a mess to fix! does anyone know if i will need some major surgery for this? also, is brushing less often actually slowing the progression of decay or is it my imagination?

most of my life i have known something was wrong with me and i have experienced psychosis and depression all my life at least at a mild degree and in high school i was reallyu depressed and when i went to college i barely lasted two semesters failed out and isolated myself then went to the mental hospital sent by my parents because noone could figure out why i almnost never ate and sat in a chair all day long terrified of leaving it. they did have suspicions because i told them how i had used acid and smoked a lot of pot during my stay at college. i went to a mental hospital for 2 weeks because that was all the insurance would allow and came out diagnosed with schizoaffective bipolar disorder i have had a lot of bad experiences with a host of docs over the years and finally got sent to a state institution where i spent 90 days and had the worst experience of all with the doctor and staff there. i have never been violent i always givbe my docs the benefit of the doubt. the problem is that whenever i try to be social it seems i sabotage myself with paranoid thoughts until i become overwhelmed and isolate myself for as long as it takes, which can be anywhere from months to years until it works itself out somehow and i start all over again. i have a working knowledge of various antidepressants and antipsychotics as i have been on dozens of them since i began my official career as a mental patient on my 21st bday all those years ago. this problem i have seems to be that i consciously and subconsciously sabotage my life into a life of fear and isolation. a vicious cycle that seems to be never ending. is there anyone out there with a similar type of experience or anyone with some ideas on breaking this cycle?