the mad jock

Just wondering,can anyone/group give themselves a fancy name,call themselves a charitable organisation and put on events etc without any checks/registration in the UK ?

Watching the Jack Reacher Movie ,there was a scene where Tom Cruise is looking across a river at 2 stadiums.I'm probably wrong not being an American but it looked very familiar to a view I saw when visiting USA ,is it on the Kentucky side of the Ohio river looking at Cincinatti ?

Billy was watching tv. Next day Billy comes downstairs & asks, "Dad what's love juice?" His father looks horrified & then tells Billy all about sex & why a womans vagina gets wet. Billy just sat there with his mouth open in amazement. Dad asks, "So what were you watching?"

Billy replies, "Wimbledon!"

I put 5W40 in my car engine when it should have been the other,will it make any difference?

Samyang 1000mm Mirror Telephoto Lens

(500mm f/8 + 2X teleconverter)

for Canon EOS

Brand New, comes with ND2, ND4 and Skylight filters !

3 Year Warranty !

I shot a Grizzly once and I think before he died he put a curse on me because all my children were born with "bear "feet

Susan Boyle can't believe,she said......"When I was 13 I met Jimmy and he never touched me"

Heard my neighbour shagging for what seemed like ages last nite, moanin, groaning & banging the headboard off the wall! ... turns out her elderly mother had fell over cracked her head & was knocking on the wall with her stick for help. ...feel a bit guilty about the w@nk now!

if you had the choice of winning the Lottery what type of car would you buy first ?

I thought there was something dodgy about Jimmy Saville when he fixed it for me to go camping with Gary Glitter

Paddy catches Mick talking into an envelope and asks "what the feck are you doing Mick?"

Mick says "I'm trying this new voicemail Paddy"

I bought my girlfriend a new perfume called chloroform ,but she doesn't like it.....she says it makes her sleepy and she wakes up with a sore @r$e mwaaah haaa

while in Turkey on holiday I got a wax treatment on my ears and nasal hair ( I am male) and it was really effective and much better than the trimmers you can buy.I believe it's called hard wax and there was no strips applied .The wax was applied hot and when it cooled it was pulled off.Any help appreciated

Big Gay Ray goes to the doctor to get his test results. Doc says, "Sorry Big Gay Ray but you've got Aids!" Big Gay Ray is devastated & asks what to do. Doc says," Eat a sausage, a cabbage, 2O jalapeno peppers, 4O walnuts, a tin of baked beans, a box of All Bran & a gallon of prune juice." Big Gay Ray asks, "Will this cure me?" Doc says, "No,but it'll give you a better understanding of what your @rse is for."

FEMALE LONELY HEARTS ADS

What they really mean:

ADVENTUROUS = easy

ATHLETIC = No t!t$

30 SOMETHING = 41

FUN = Annoying

WILD = Gets drunk easily

BEAUTIFUL EYES = Face like a robber's dog

SEEKS KNIGHT IN SHINING ARMOUR = Ex-Husbands a fricking nutter

NEW-AGE = Hairy with a smelly fanny

HEADSTRONG = Argumentative

ENJOYS PUBBING & CLUBBING = Alcoholic

CURVY = Fat burd

CUDDLY = Fat burd

LIKES EATING OUT = Greedy fat burd

LIKES NIGHTS IN = Lazy fat burd

They say its impossible to knock 5 seconds off your personal best. But I managed it yesterday when I was watching the ladies beach volleyball & heard the wife's key in the fricking door

A man staggers into a hospital with concussion, Multiple bruises, two black eyes and a 5 iron wrapped tightly around his throat.

The doctor asked "What happened to you?"

"Well I was playing Golf with my wife when we sliced our golf balls into a field of cows. I found one stuck in a cows fanny, I yelled to my wife 'this looks like yours', I don't remember much after that ..."

Female lecturer reminds her students about exam tomorrow. "Apart from a death in the family or a nuclear attack I'm not taking any excuses for not taking the exam, Ken the Smart **** at the back says, "What if I'm suffering from complete & utter sexual exhaustion?". Class erupts into laughter. When it quietens down she looks at him and says, "Well you'll have to write with your other hand"

we are going to Icemeler self catering for 2 weeks and are wondering how much money would be adequate to see us through with drinks ,food and a few excursions etc. We are a family of 3 (kid is 15)