Kirk_84

This is driving me crazy!!!

The song goes....

B -

I - On the internet

N - Never boring

G - Great chat rooms

O - Online

What the hell does she sing for "B"?

It sounds like she says "Bob Anson"

Please help, it is driving me insane!!

A Father and Son are involved in a major car accident.

The man is killed instantly, the boy is rushed to the hospital in desparate need of surgery.

Upon arrival, the surgeon declares,

"I can't operate on this boy......He's my son!"

How can this be?

Did anyone else get an illuminous green bag from Yahoo! Answers in the post this morning?

I saw my friend Simon the other day, I haven't seen him for a while and unfortunatly he'd been in a car accident with his Uncle.

His Uncle sadly died and Simon lost both his legs, but the family had given permission for Simon to recieve his Uncle's legs.

So, the doctors cut off his Uncle's legs and sewed them onto Simon, he can't use them because of the loss of blood flow, but he's happy with them.

He's in a wheelchair but he's doing really well now, he was even telling me that he was going to appear on Stars In Your Eyes as "Simon and Half-Uncle"!

Do any Celebrities come from your Home Town?

I live in Harlow, Essex and we have....

1. Rik Mayall

2. Victoria Beckham

3. Glenn Hoddle

4. Linda Lusardi

5. Ray Winstone

6. Michael Barrymore

7. Graham Cole (Tony Stamp from The Bill)

8. Jakki Brambles (Radio 1 DJ)

9. Griff Rhys Jones

10. Jesse Wallace (Kat Moon in Eastenders)

Also, Jade Goody and Jeff Brazier lived here for ages.

A man, whose level of drunkenness was bordering on the absurd, stood up to leave a bar and fell flat on his face.

"Maybe all I need is some fresh air," thought the man as he crawled outside.

He tried to stand up again, but fell face first into the mud.

"Screw it," he thought. "I'll just crawl home."

The next morning, his wife found him on the doorstep asleep.

"You went out drinking last night, didn't you?" she said.

"Uh, yes," he said sheepishly. "How did you know?"

"You left your wheelchair at the bar again."

A guy walked into a bar one day and said to the barman,

"Give me six double vodkas."

The barman says,

"Wow! you must have had one hell of a day."

"Yeah, I just found out my oldest son is gay."

The next day, the same guy came into the bar and asked for the same drinks. When the bartender asked what the problem was today the answer came back,

"I just found out that my youngest son is gay, too!"

On the third day, the guy came into the bar and ordered another six double vodkas. The bartender said,

"Jesus! Doesn't anybody in your family like women?"

The man downed the first drink and shook his head,

"Yeah, my wife!"

A Polo Mint walks into a bar, orders a drink and starts talking to a Trebor Mint.

The Polo says "You know what, I'm the hardest Mint around, if anyone dared come into this bar and start, I'd knock them out!"

At that point, a Halls Soother walks in and the Polo jumps behind the bar and hides.

The Halls Soother has a pint and leaves, as soon as he walks out the door, the Polo comes out from behind the bar again.

The Trebor says "What was the problem, I thought you were the hardest mint around and wouldn't take stick off of anyone?"

The Polo replies "I am, but that guy is Menthol!"

An old lady dies and goes to heaven.

She's chatting with St. Peter at the Pearly Gates, when all of a sudden she hears the most awful bloodcurdling screams.

"Don't worry about that", says St. Peter,

"It's only someone having the holes put into her shoulder blades for wings."

The old lady looks a little uncomfortable but carries on with the conversation.

Ten minutes later, there are more blood curdling screams.

"Oh my God", says the old lady,

"Now what is happening?"

"Not to worry", says St. Peter,

"She's just having her head drilled to fit the halo."

"I can't do this", says the old lady,

"I'm going to hell."

"You can't go there", says St. Peter.

"You'll be raped and sodomized."

"Maybe so", says the old lady,

"But I've already got the holes drilled for that!"

What's your Date Of Birth?

Mine is 31/07/1984

What Football Team Do You Support??

What do I have to do to become a Top Contributor?

Mine is Vodka, Lemonade and Lime!

I was born on 31st July 1984 in Harlow, Essex.

What about you??

Mine is Lasagne!

Who's the fittest Male and Female celebrities in the world, past or present.

Does anyone actually like her??

- 10 points to first person to answer all 5 questions correctly -

1. What's the name of Liverpool FC's latest signing?

2. Who plays Kim Hyde in Home and Away?

3. What is Brad and Angelina's daughter called?

4. What was Westlife's 1st Album called?

5. What is my name?

- Good Luck Guys -

This is a poem I wrote and read at my Aunt's funeral.

A little sombre, I know, but I wanted to share it with you to let everyone know how much she meant to me.

A Poem For My Aunt

*Linda Hobson*

Always full of love,

She had a heart full of grace,

She always made you feel good,

And put a smile on your face,

Although we cannot see her,

It doesn't mean she is gone,

If we all pull together,

And remember to be strong,

We can cherish all the happy times,

Feel all her love,

Remember her for the woman she was,

And know she's watching from above,

She was part of all our lives,

That is plain to see,

I know that I'll never forget,

The joy she bought to me,

Be she your Mother,

Your Daughter, your Sister or your Wife,

Embrace her soul,

And celebrate her life,

Hold on to your memories,

Keep her safe in your heart,

If you never forget her,

You'll never be apart.