Trent

My family is pretty small as many of my relatives live out of town. I have a significantly older cousin, who for the past year has been bringing her boyfriend to family events and I seriously cannot stand him. He talks endlessly about himself and has never shown any interest in getting to know anyone in my family, while making sure we know his life story. He has a comment for everything and is very obnoxious in his "one upping" behavior. If I talk about running a 10k event his is quick to chime in how "20 years ago he ran a marathon", or if I talk about going to a baseball stadium that is now closed he makes it known that he as been to several that are now closed. Also, he makes statements about things that are either no longer true, or never were true. An example of this is "the CEO of XYZ company is so and so, I should know because my uncle used to work there" when in fact the CEO in question was replaced several times since the CEO he referenced. Basically, except for my aunt and uncle (my cousin's parents) he talks for the sake of hearing his own voice and is really talking to whoever will listen. With my aunt and uncle he likes to kow tow to them by bringing up things that they like, such as gardening and bird watching, things that no one else cares to talk about.

In short, his presence has made family functions extremely difficult to deal with and I don't know what to do. I am not very confrontational and most of the others in my family are fairly quiet but I can't stand his selfish one upping and general demeanor. My solution is that instead of letting him monopolize the conversation I am going to make sure to talk a lot so that he doesn't have the opportunity to talk. Is this a good idea? Does anyone have any other ideas? I really want to say to him "Shut the f**k up, no one cares what you have to say or what you did 20 years ago" and I would also like to correct him or even fact check him on the spot when he makes inaccurate statements. Basically, I cannot imagine ever in my entire life meeting a girlfriend's family and only talking about myself and my experiences and I find his behavior to be deplorable.

So I have wanted to break things off with my girlfriend for a while now but put things off, partly because of the holidays. She is a great girl, but we are just in different points in life. She has made it known that she wants to get married and have a baby within the next 2 years or so. We have been together about 6mo, but I just don't see myself getting married and having a child in her time frame. I know this isn't a hard deadline she has set but she is concerned about getting older (she's in her 30's), and also most of her friends are married with children so I know this influences her too. There are some other reasons I want to break up as well, but this is the major issue. I feel it is best to let her be free and find someone who wants what she wants rather than have her keep trying to make me be what she wants.

How do I do this? I know that I just need to explain this to her, but do I set a date and just go tell her? I tried this before but it didn't work. I told myself I was going to do it on a Monday and then we spent the entire weekend together and had a really good time and all I could think about was how much fun we have together and all of her little quirks that I am going to miss. Would it be better to just set a deadline and do it some random time before the deadline? I guess this is just really hard because she is a good person and I know she is going to take this horribly. Thanks for the advice.

We have been together for several months but I still feel like so much of dealing with her is a chore. An example of this is if I go out with my friends on Saturday night she is cool with it, except that then I pretty much "owe" her Friday and Sunday. To a certain degree I get this, but it is really annoying because if I spend the night on Friday she wants to hang out all day on Saturday until I have to go out and then wants me to come over early on Sunday to spend time with her. Do you think this is needy behavior on her part? It also bears mentioning that there are many weekends where I spend Fri, Sat and Sun with her and don't see my friends at all.

Also, after being together with her for a while I still really enjoy not always doing stuff with her. This has become a problem because I have noticed that in addition to the problems illustrated above, she never has any plans of her own. She has friends but she never makes plans with them unless I tell her I am going out with my friends; and if her friends happen to be busy she whines to me about how she has to spend the night alone, which then leads to me "owing" her time the next day. I don't actually "owe" her this time, but she likes to point out how was she cool with me going out with my friends the night before, which I liken to collecting her debt.

Do you think after several months of being together I should be obligated to spending either Friday or Saturday night with her? This hasn't been a problem until now, but next Friday I have a birthday party for a friend and Saturday a friend of mine who I haven't seen in a while is coming in from out of town. I don't want her to come with me on Friday and Saturday she already has something planned with her friends that she is expecting me to go to. She will be upset if I don't go on Saturday but she can't argue with me on this one, and I would really like to go on Friday night too but know she will make a huge deal if I don't see her at all on the weekend.

I think I don't want to always bring her around with my friends because I don't really feel that good about our relationship. Does this sound accurate? She has met some friends of mine but I am really hesitant about introducing her to more people.

Here are my questions.

1. Do you think her behavior sounds needy?

2. Do you think after being together for several months she is "owed" one of the weekend days every single weekend?

3. Do you think it is peculiar that I want to do all of these things without her?

Thanks!!

I have been seeing a girl for about 6mo and generally speaking things are really great. She is a really nice person and talented in so many ways. However since the beginning I have had some reservations about her weight. I am by no means being mean or shallow and have no problem dating a girl who is overweight but healthy and willing to become healthier. I believe this girl is unhealthy and her weight has impacted some of the things we do together. By my estimates she is approximately 100lbs overweight.

I am by no means a triathlete but even moderate physical activity becomes difficult for her and I often feel myself limited by her. She becomes tired after walks that I barely consider exercise. We have talked about exercise and eating healthy but she doesn't seem to be too interested in these. She will go to the gym and then not go again for weeks, or she will eat healthy for one or two meals and then go back to large portions of unhealthy food.

Also, while my friends and family are all nice to her, I know they also have reservations about her weight. I know it shouldn't matter to them what she looks like, just that I am happy. But this still affects me knowing how they feel about her weight.

Finally, everything is really good in the bedroom, except some positions are very difficult for her because of her weight and because of this we very rarely even attempt these positions.

Here are my questions:

1. Has anyone ever dealt with this situation before? If so, what did you do?

2. Should I break up with her because of this? There are a few other things I am uncertain about in our relationship but I think I might feel more sure about things if I didn't feel this way about her weight.

3. Is there anything I can do to help her? I have read about situations where one person gains weight as a relationship progresses, but this is not the case. If I could tell she was making a true effort to change then it would be reassuring, but I have a difficult time seeing her relatively content with being unhealthy.

Thanks in advance fro your help.

My ex girlfriend and I dated for 2 years and then broke up 8 months ago. Right after we broke up I took a job in another city several hundred miles away. We haven't seen each other since I moved but talk now and then. We went a while without talking but now sometimes text a few times a week and talk occasionally as well. She is a great girl with a lot of great qualities but I really don't think we are right for each other.

I met a new girl a few months after moving to my new city and she is really great (I realize that I might have rushed into this). She knows about my ex and that we still talk sometimes; however my ex has no idea I am seeing this new girl. Her and I do not talk about getting back together at all, so I am not leading her on (although some may say I am leading her on by even being friendly with her).

I am not in a hurry to tell her, but I have a feeling she will force the issue soon. If I take more than a few hours to get back to her she has a tendency to accuse me of not caring about her, or being too busy for her (although she has no problem taking her sweet time getting back to me). I do care about her as a person and want her to do well and be happy, but the fact is that we broke up and we both need to get on with our lives.

A few nights ago I spent the night with my new girl and when I woke up in the morning I noticed the ex sent some text messages at a time when I normally would have been awake and near the phone. I responded the next day and haven't heard back from her. I have a feeling she will ask about the delay in my response.

Here are my questions:

1. When is the appropriate time in a new relationship to tell an ex about a new partner? Do I tell her now or wait a few more months or until she asks? Would it be easier for her to hear "I met someone" now, or "I have been dating someone for a year" 6 mo down the road?

2. Why am I avoiding telling my ex that I met a new girl? I don't believe we are right for each other, but does my avoidance mean I subconsciously want her back? I do enjoy talking to her on occasion and would be upset if we stopped talking altogether, is this my reason?

If it matters at all, in an attempt to make me jealous my ex made a point of letting me know about her post breakup hook-ups (this was months ago and I didn't acknowledge her drunken voice-mail on the topic); however while she might assume so, she has no idea that I have been with anyone else.

Thanks!!