Allison Scott

this isn't my first. (killing always my stabbing or smashing there head with something)

I've had dreams about killing random people usually just one.

Once I drempt I killed a whole family and I stabbed them all to death.

like two kids both parents, it was graphic.. then the dream still went on about how my family was going to turn me in so I ran away.

Last night, I drempt I killed my family by stabbing them to death.

my sister, my 3 brothers, my mom, and my step dad.

I don't ever have any intentions of actually killing them even though they make me mad sometimes

or killing at all. Is there something wrong with this?

I kill often in my dreams, about once a week.

at least twice a month..

I just don't get it.

I'm new-ish (I've had a tumblr before but forgot all the stuff to log in)

I've looked for so many and there never is quite the perfect one for me. I need

- infinite scroll

- 2 or 3 column

- side portrait picture

- the descriptions i put with my posts to show with reblog buttons and #'s

- at least 3-4 custom links

- customizable background/ font colors/ link colors

If you know or have a theme with these please send a link and if you're interested in making me one I would be very grateful and show off your work to my followers and future followers and my friends who have tumblers and I will follow.

couple-of-issues.tumblr.com (personal blog) & hold-now--love-forever.tumblr.com (relationship blog)

its a lot like the theme I have now, but mine doesn't show the descriptions. D: if you want to use that as a platform to make it simpler for you if you are a creator. Thanks :)

age- 17. So usually when I would see this I would think the persons mad all the time. Which is completely not the case here I get like this about once maybe twice a week if I just really fail at everything that much in the week. The thing is when I am mad I want to break everything, yell or scream, and just hit things until I really just cant hit anymore. You are probably thinking she cant break much more stuff if it happens at least once a week, but the thing is I do nothing about my anger cause I cant. If I did any of that I would be kicked out so fast, so I bottle it all in like I have been.. which since I cant get out the anger like I want it eventually leads me to just crying (which I hate). I have a lot of hatred built up and has lead me to have very little remorse. Though there has been times where I couldn't bottle my anger and just left where ever I was at the time to go hit things that has caused hand injuries in the past even though it seems like I am hitting with little power on a full power swing. I know an emotion is not tangible but every time I am mad it seems like I can feel it, in my chest and in the back of my head. I don't know how other people are when they're mad, but I feel like this probably is not normal... Which is why i'm asking.

So, I found out a couple years back I have Scoliosis and the curve is right between my shoulder blades. Its really painful and causes extreme dis-comfort though they said it was irregular how much pain I was having from only a mild curve. Is there anything else that it could possibly be before I see a doctor? loss of disk padding, or could it be a dis-located disk itself causing the curve? should I get a MRI or something? Back pain runs in my family.. I just wanna know all the possibilities so I know what to ask or talk to the doctor about. By the way, I cant do any physical therapy or anything do to my Job. Well I cant do it with a prescribed physical therapist, I do stretches at home and have been prescribed muscle relaxers. The pain is still teeth cringing and sitting in a school desk then working out all day just adds on to it..

Normally dreams are vivid, but mine are in depth and graphic nd I have some pretty messed up dreams. My dreams are practically movies.

One of my worst dreams as examples.

new nehbors had just moved in, in the dream. A family. happy. a daughter and son, dog. two loving parents and at there house warming party in my dream i stabbed them all to death ran from the cops and later from my family who I overheard talking about turning me in if i didnt leave the familiy forever.

Like i saw myself kill a family.. everything felt so real.

How am i supposed to feel after that? can they stop? Why is this happening? What does it mean? Do other people have non-vivid dreams like me? I just want answers...

im not talking about getting rid of flab on arms. I'm going to start going to Marine PT's and i just wanna get ready. all i have is a couple of 5lb and 10lb weights. nd I can't find a good website for how to get them toned. I've just been holding them up to my head for as long as i can, for muscles and discipline. but is there anything else i can do. whats ur recommendation? for biceps and expessialy triceps. and shoulder muscles i have my core and everything down. but my arms and shoulders need sum work.

recently my bf of a bit more than 1yr had found out he didn't get the USMC position he'd been wanting for many years. he's worked so hard, and he's pretty torn apart. he's just not the same and i can't say that i blame him. if it happened to me id be upset too. he's really distant, and negative now. i give him time to think and other times i try my best to make him happy, but nothings been working. idk what to do i just want things to be better for him. has this happened to you, what should i do? I've never seen someone i truly care about this upset. i have seen him during and after so many of the work outs and mini bootcamp things. what are ideas to make things better?

so, i have these "feelings" is what i call them, i starts usually when im thinking about something and i'll get so worried it makes me sick or sometimes it just comes without thinking about something but it could be from 5 mins to 5 hours. most of the time i'll cry during it, idk how to describe it so i'll try my best, its like my lungs stop working and breathing becomes the most difficult task, and it feels like my "inner core" if u will is breaking or just shutting down and i can't handle anything. i can't really think clearly i can practically just think of the pain thats going on cause my mind is in knots, i'll get shaky. when i inhale air comes in but it feels like it doesn't, and exhales shaky, inconsistent, and it seems unbearably long. I've been having these frequently for about 3 and a half years but I'm only 17 nd live with my parents, nd there the type of parents to draw it to something else. but anywho is what I've been experiencing anxiety attacks or panic attacks or are those the same things, idk. any answers are appreciated.

When you read this, its not a cry for attention. I would just like some input or advice on the situation, thanks. So, throughout my short 17 years on this earth i've come to the conclusion that either my parents just don't like me, or I'm just completely on the back burner for them compared to my brothers nd sister and even house hold objects. They treat them so preciously nd I'm just scum to them. There was a time, for months i had been asking them for new shoes (not just for new shoes, the ones i had I've had for years nd have holes in them) they would keep saying they would get around to it, they don't have the time, they don't have the money ect. ect. but over those months they replaced there plasma tv 4 times, bought random crap for themselves nd wut not. like For months they put me off for new shoes. i was going to school, standing in snow at the bus stop in shoes with holes.. also there was a time when my brother had a 100.0 fever and a cough so they took him to the hospital the next day... me on the other hand, Bed ridden, feeling like if i got up i was getting stabbed, they waited a week to take me to the hospital.. i ended up having appendicitis. These are just a few things to help get the point across of how I'm treated.. i don't really see why, i make the same grades if not better than my other brother thats in school, nd i help more around the house than all of them. ive been in countless fights with them to prove that they treat me differently but they don't see it. i even ran away once, ( if you count it as running away since they told me to leave) but after 3 months i ended up coming back due to even worse living conditions with one of my brothers ( they did the same exact thing as my parents) when i lived with my brother they would go get them food and not bring me back anything nd just be mad at me all the time for no reason. Like really, i don't see why i get the **** end of the stick.. I'm mostly respectful and do what i can to help. what can i do so I'm treated fairly?

so just outta no where my right shoulder got a really sharp pain, about 5 mins in getting worse bout every minute the pain spread to my elbow, which then spread to my wrist, so my right arm is in a nice fit of sharp pain atm. i havnt injured it, ever. its not growing pain. what could it be?

I just dyed my hair red, nd now I'm self conscious about what I'm wearing cause I don't want it to clash with my hair, what are some colors that make red hair stand out (in a good way).? I'll post a link below so you can get a good idea of the red I have. :)

http://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=53409517995...

yeahhhh, i just plugged in my phone to let it charge it was charging for about 2 mins. but me being all dumb i took it off the charger to go take a pic, nd it died again. so i plugged it back in nd now it won't even charge D: soooo uhhm. any solutions?