Kate

So a close family friend died and I didn't cry. I was actually more annoyed at getting woken up then I was sad that he had died. He was like a brother to my other siblings, but I never trusted people so easily. Still, I should feel something, right? He was a nice, funny, marine who had just come back on leave. An admirable man, yet I'm not sad.

Actually I am a bit sad, but I'm sad because I'm feeling sorry for myself. My graduation is coming up and now everyone will be depressed about the death. This is such a selfish thing to feel, and I hate it. What the hell is wrong with me?

My brother in college is probably going to get depression, my house will be a gloom for the duration of the summer, and my little brother lost a role model. I feel kind of bad for them, but I am more concerned with the implications this will have on my life. Why do I suck so much? I probably should have died instead of him. The world would be a better place.

On a side note, I kind of smiled when I found out how he died. He fell into the Grand Canyon. Tell me that's not hardcore. But I feel bad about that to.