w_woody

I've been married nearly five years, and together with my wife for six. I have a son from a previous relationship and to say it has been a nightmare in that department would be putting it mildly. Basically my ex was doing everything she could to push me out of my child's life. I had a long drawn out custody dispute and finally after getting equal custody for a while, later I had to get full custody of my son, that was 3 years ago. My ex continues to cause problems (no support, etc.), and pretty much always will, and I have come to accept that.

Now, my current wife and son adored each other in the beginning when they first met, but he wasn't around except for the weekends. My wife knew the struggle of my situation when we got married and even told me that she fell in love with me because I was so loving and devoted to my son. Well we got married and had 2 children of our own. My wife thinks the world of our children, as do I, but when my son came to live here full time things fell apart. I've been trying to remedy the situation but it's not working, they do not get along. I have asked my wife to go to counseling with my son and she's refused. She says everything is his fault. She has told me that it's my fault as well for bringing a child we where not prepared for into our home. It's really driven a wedge between us because she wants nothing to do with my son. She ignores him completely unless he misbehaves, and apparently everything he does is wrong. When I've gotten upset about this and asked her to stop she just ignores me. I know that she simply doesn't want him here.

She claims I am making this all about him and not about her. She says that I've spent our entire marriage only putting him first and that I've never put her first. I was too depressed while fighting for custody and that she and my other children have left me behind. She is also very upset about my ex not helping support my son, but there's not much I can do on that front.

It doesn't help that I've been laid off for a very long time (longest period in my life) as I work in the housing market, and pretty much have become a stay at home dad. I have to cook, clean, dishes, laundry and take care of the children including doctor visits and appointments. I've applied everywhere I can (my wife complains I've not went out enough to apply for jobs, but I have the children most of the time) and can't seem to find any work. She was working full time before I was laid off and there was no way to support our family without her working too.

Basically I just don't know what to do. I've tried everything to try and reason with my wife about these issues but she doesn't want to listen. She tells me everyday she's miserable and hates coming home and that if it wasn't for our other children she would have already left but she doesn't seem to want to meet me halfway. I just can't get past these feelings. It's like she's made up her mind about what she wants and nothing will change it. No matter what it costs her, or our children, she's going to ride this out to it's conclusion.

She told me today that we'll just get divorced and maybe in a few years we can fix things, and I told her that wasn't going to happen. That if we can't fix them now that they won't be fixed. She said that I was being really mean and began crying. I don't understand this at all.

I still love my wife and I adore and love my other children so much. It hurts me so bad to think how this is going to damage them. I've spent so much time with all my children this truly does cause me a great deal of pain. I love my son so much too I just can't understand why my wife thinks that was going to or would change?