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Supriya
Hello!
How good is this poem? Please suggest something?
In this poem, I have compared the old, ancient Almighty's assets as a Mayfly, which are slowly demolishing due to modernization!
The Mayfly whirled like a dervish,
flabbergasted by her own spasm.
Prickly briars broke the boggy land,
Sunset soon forgotten, proudly stood the chasm.
Ah lord!
My soul is chagrined by the faded ferns!
And for her survival, my mind yearns.
How the fly will mend her Bougainvillea blooms?
If her world becomes juvenile, unlike the marquee moon.
A seraph steps silently into her world,
savaged by the unreal mercy,
her soul battles out the evil,
and bitterly beats it,
with scepter and anvil.
The fly is clad in disguise,
her heart sourly scorns in shunned surprise.
Never had she wondered,
the dead would crawl on her bones,
and the alive would,
keel over the stones.
Her fearless fearsome feathers, starve for the death,
as she waits to come back in good heath.
(Kindly suggest a catchy title for this poem too. Thanks. )
3 AnswersPoetry9 years agoPlease comment on my poem :(?
Personified passions
As I watch the flame pass,
from match to wick,
I paint my soul as a lass,
who eats up her own dreams-
just as a cannibal.
I wish to breathe, up so high,
just like a bird,
swaying in the sky.
I wish to walk with the sun,
enlightening the shadows,
which are so dun.
I wish to talk like the clouds,
as sweet as the melodious lull,
though as the angry hell, I want to yell aloud.
I wish to grow endlessly,
just the that tall hill,
taking with with volacano sparks- aimlessly.
3 AnswersPoetry9 years agoWhat do you think about this poem?
Personified passions
As I watch the flame pass,
from match to wick,
I paint my soul as a lass,
who eats up her own dreams-
just as a cannibal.
I wish to breathe, up so high,
just like a bird,
swaying in the sky.
I wish to walk with the sun,
enlightening the shadows,
which are so dun.
I wish to talk like the clouds,
as sweet as the melodious lull,
though as the angry hell, I want to yell aloud.
I wish to grow endlessly,
just the that tall hill,
taking with with volacano sparks- aimlessly.
1 AnswerPoetry9 years agoPlease comment on my poem?
A trotted tale
As the wind spanked her soul,
she pondered over the old adage.
They said-
"The love, that is, forbidden and lost,
is a feeling, that a teen accost!"
So precisely,
she made a moan,
for someone, who was her own.
Darker the night, brighter the stars,
and forcibly she lit a cigar.
The ashes that flew,
poisoned her soul, like berries of yew.
Outside, as she steps in the streetlight,
her eyes long for his sight.
So incomplete- everything seemed,
without his silhouette.
With the smoke of her burned mouth-
it probably evaporated to the-
heaven.
3 AnswersPoetry9 years agoPlease comment on my poem?
Sulked vows
The endless sky, yells within,
outside- of all the places,
the sun peeps out with sheepish grin.
The amber-lit skewed space,
is now obscured by the clouds.
Deciphering the darkness, the sky bursts out-
"Go, go, go away!
You promised us for a brighter day.
The bottomless ocean,
en-lights the ashes of a star,
penetrating the hope,
a little too deep- still not so far.
The spurious sand, crushed under the water,
pukes the shells galore,
decorating the murky ocean floor.
Though, those heavy tides,
deadly eat up the love,
placed safely on the horizon.
3 AnswersPoetry9 years agoPlease comment on my poem?
Sadness: an ethereal virgin
The ink drips out of my pen,
and the pain,
flutters in and out, cooing gently,
on constant thoughts.
The blood inside my heart,
gets mushed in a horrible shade of red.
The gavel gets pressed,
and the raw renderings look up their bed.
The dull and drab dreams,
damp every delight of hope.
The petals of profound disappointment,
preen themselves, with a dreaded dope.
Whence lies the blissful bash?
Are they just my thoughts,
which are scrambled?
Or a hidden wave?
Perhaps stinking more, than a silent shame?
As the feeling falls over my eyes,
my vision gets blurred,
hovering into my skull only.
Sadness- just a mere disease,
which keeps your soul,
placed in your own haven,
until you're in pieces.
5 AnswersPoetry9 years agoA new poem, I just wrote...please c/c?
The birds blend their lament with the sky,
and the fury of her departed soul,
desires to fly up in the heaven, so high.
Her lover's dead, with his head pressed beneath the cliff,
and her soul- now swiftly slides in a sling,
oblivious to the thirst of love, that flew like a whiff.
A memory of him, emerges from the sea,
and tears of blood float beneath her eyes.
Numb with loneliness, she asks him, "Do you still love me?"
Mist of fidelity, she spread on him,
summoned to pick up his corpse,
she made a ghastly mistake.
Her longing to live and the will to thank,
with him, unluckily, everything sank.
3 AnswersPoetry9 years agoWhat do you think about this poem?
Vaguely penning down my thoughts,
I placed myself on the rim of a moving boat.
Floating on a river,
that leads to nowhere,
I saw a silhouette,
and hung my vision,
along the grey horizon.
Swift tides strove like sabre,
and yelled to me, "Please don't harry!"
The facade of my head,
felt astonished by a compass rose,
after all it pictured a face that was dead.
As the moon,
eclipsed the dead man's shadow,
his coffin became ready to leave,
and there was nothing left,
that I could ever believe.
My God! Your servant will now-
never join the gaiety.
Were his sins bitter than the gall?
Or it was his innocence,
that filled his heart's hall.
As the wind, gently painted my skin,
with lacquer of fear,
silent soul saddened my soul,
due to demand of a whisper, which I'd now never hear!
2 AnswersPoetry9 years agoPlease comment on my poem?
My worthless heart, now beats,
on the strings of emptiness.
The musings of my wandering soul,
sparkles the tears,
dancing beneath my kohl.
Dipping my limbs, in the mandarin sun rays,
I tried to draw my heart.
A crumpled paper- was the result,
wrinkled in a disguised art.
Now as I take the blue out of the sky,
the smudges that spoiled my soul,
slowly fade, and fly up in the dark so high.
Whence has gone the love?
That plagued me since I was a retard.
Never thought- about the burrow of rage,
that I dug, would be so hard,
to fill up again.
8 AnswersPoetry9 years agoSong for a caged bird. Please comment on my poem?
A caged bird, whistles his praise,
and as I wonder why he sings,
his voice echoes beyond the moon.
Unwillingly unable to spread his wings,
he waits for the death, to stab him soon.
The innocence in his hazel eyes, let me ponder on this,
that our life really is bliss.
Oh bird! Why do you live in this hell-like cage?
Please, overcome the feeling of melancholy,
or your muffled cries, will soon burst out with rage.
Is it your soul?
That is lonely.
Or your worthless heart?
that beats on the strings of emptiness.
I know you will sit, till you die,
and your wings, would now never fly.
Still I pray- Oh lord!
Please bless him with the sense of freedom.
Don't let him sway his feathers,
in nothing- but boredom.
4 AnswersPoetry9 years agoWhat do you think about this poem?
Ah lord!
Thy December has arrived.
Pine leaves are now ruffled,
leaving my thoughts un-shuffled!
The cruel cloud-lit black space,
stares over my steps, everyday.
Frosty winds made moan,
the water stands still as a stone!
So beautiful are the poor ghettos,
embarked in the kindred frozen grasp.
I don't think about the misery of the sky,
after all, it has left his sins up so high!
The swift river gagged the wind,
"Muffle your cries." It slowly said.
The aged winter will soon,
exile its power, as the sun will arrive at noon!
The tule fog, has covered the muck,
leaving the dirt in a muddle.
The landscape of my town is now bleak,
as the snow has covered every peak!
4 AnswersPoetry9 years agoHey people, what do you think of this poem?
Ah lord!
Thy December has arrived.
Pine leaves are now ruffled,
leaving my thoughts un-shuffled!
The cruel cloud-lit black space,
stares over my steps, everyday.
Frosty winds made moan,
the water stands still as a stone!
So beautiful are the poor ghettos,
embarked in the kindred frozen grasp.
I don't think about the misery of the sky,
after all, it has left his sins up so high!
The swift river gagged the wind,
"Muffle your cries." It slowly said.
The aged winter will soon,
exile its power, as the sun will arrive at noon!
The tule fog, has covered the muck,
leaving the dirt in a muddle.
The landscape of my town is now bleak,
as the snow has covered every peak!
2 AnswersPoetry9 years agoWhat do you think about this poem?
Days were good, I can't deny.
Pieces of heart, collected in a stack,
today my eyes can't look back,
even if they try.
Wobbly rain-
Falling and taking away the tenancy,
of damp mittens, and frozen noses,
immensely wearing the sheet of my ardency.
The Snow-white dwarf,
used to hum in my dreams-
the value of stone in a stream.
His tales, now settled on the wharf.
There was a time,
when school was easy,
dressing up with clips and bows,
no one was ever busy!
Family meals were favored,
learning ABC was a miracle,
and two missed teeth, completed the circle
of day, accompanied with-
arts and crafts.
Today, I feel proud to say,
those bedtime stories, granny lullabies,
have embarked in me-
a person, I always wished to be!
5 AnswersPoetry9 years agoWhat do you think about this poem?
The sun,
now dipped in the mandarin horizon,
thumps its brightness,
into my heart.
Eternal feelings, growing within,
plant a hope in my mind.
Raw renderings that grind-
the voice of heavenly stream,
advised me,
never stab a burden on thee.
Time has flown,
a new morning has arrived!
The aqua-blue sky,
swallowed the thoughts, that were bland.
The voice of the cocoon,
somehow healed the paralyzed glands!
The snow over the hills,
called my name.
Playing with my soul,
perhaps a game,
of starting a maiden voyage called-
life.
3 AnswersPoetry9 years agoMy poem which I just wrote, please c/c...?
The shape of my heart,
speaks to me-
Steel the lightening's bloodshot eyes!
Or seal the rainbow in the jar,
not hearing their painful sighs.
Kiss the wind, before it blows,
and lash your face with the beauty that flows.
When,
blackbirds yell their cries all beautific,
pierce your ears with the sound,
muttering around the Pacific.
Flocks of sheep,
carry the sense they earned,
from carressing clouds of love,
which, on us, never turned.
The juniper of our little world,
harmed by ashes of our mouth,
burned its flame,
with cinder,
of disgrace.
Someone kinder,
will someday design the world with a flawless lace.
5 AnswersPoetry10 years agoWhat do you think about this poem?
The shape of my heart,
speaks to me-
Steel the lightening's bloodshot eyes!
Or seal the rainbow in the jar,
not hearing their painful sighs.
Kiss the wind, before it blows,
and lash your face with the beauty that flows.
When,
blackbirds yell their cries all beautific,
pierce your ears with the sound,
muttering around the Pacific.
Flocks of sheep,
carry the sense they earned,
from carressing clouds of love,
which, on us, never turned.
The juniper of our little world,
harmed by ashes of our mouth,
burned its flame,
with cinder,
of disgrace.
Someone kinder,
will someday design the world with a flawless lace.
2 AnswersPoetry10 years agoPlease comment on my poem?
Hymn to my dreams
Ah nigh!
Lingering from celestial walls,
the thought passed from the labyrinth,
sprinkling my brain hall.
A stream sliding over,
moist alley laid by the sun,
bothers me every night,
descending the mist-lit flight.
My river of rendered thoughts,
is now filled,
with the chimes that the stars sought.
My eyes swallowed repose-
from that beauty engulfed,
in the sky that flows.
As rises the morning sun,
the rounded stones-
sound worthless.
Ah almighty!
"Grant me peace!"
Blackbirk-like,
I breathe this prayer,
Welcoming the-
heaven-like fair.
7 AnswersPoetry10 years agoWhat do you think about this poem?
Curved minds refuse to beg
for the spirits that applaud.
My words are hence so flawed,
filthy as a rotten egg.
There are hearts that are lonely,
coffer filled with uncanny silence,
which unbearably, laughs too hard,
dwelling into my eyes only.
Whence has gone the wisdom?
Love and care,
flew the horizon in the air,
leaving a sense of freedom.
Moving through a floating funnel,
my wings now hardly fly.
Spirits gag up so high,
sinking my soul in nocturnal tunnel.
3 AnswersPoetry10 years agoHey people, what do you think of this poem?
Metamorphic soul
As I walk
In the lap of winter sun
My icy-mitts
Trace the mask
His visage, smoggy and still
Shot towards me
A poxy pour
An explosive stab
Somehow glistened the bout
Thou garbled soul
Shall leave very soon
This heavenly earth
Will eat you up
Hath Not you seen?
The knights in armour?
Goodness
Now divorced from here
Probably
Hangs in some comet tail
3 AnswersPoetry10 years agoPlease comment on my poem?
Our love,
died a few years ago
And has left behind,
a tale of woe
This ain't the musing
of an artistic soul
Rather the renderings of a lover
yet to be made a whole
Thee taught me the way to live
a life full of wonder & bliss
Like foaming sea and sand
our plans went amiss
Your devious heartache
ensuring no emotion
Surrenders my soul
To your poison potion
3 AnswersPoetry10 years ago