Destiny

Feel free to take a minute and read a little about my life, and I encourage anybody to give some advice. Thank you for any help.

I live with my Mother and Father; my mother is devastatingly ill and my father has outbreaks of trying to "break" me, threatening me to do additional school.

Throbbing my head with profanity and insults, my father has completely destroyed my childhood happiness. It's not your average, giving piggy-backs, laughing, smiling dad. I dream sometimes I had that. My father has severe anger problems and pounds the thought in my head that I have no friends, I dress like a "whore" for wearing skinny jeans, and if I don't participate and love education/college, that he will hunt me down and kill me for not being the ideal daughter he expects of me. Various activities such as slapping me, pulling my hair, dragging me, hitting me, or screaming in my face are very common. I am an A+ student, but my father expects more of me.

Because of my mother's inability to live daily life, she is unemployed, is deathly ill and is unable to take full custody of me if my parents were to divorce or any way of removing their relationship. I live with the thought that I might not be able to see her anymore one day, living only with my father.

Some guidelines I live my daily life with are:

- You are virtually educated and can not interact with any people except your family members

- Going in public isn't necessary

- If you wish to talk to a friend, you have a minim of 15 minutes a day; your conversations will be listened to from the home cell phone device, or your via text messages will be monitored

- Your emails that you receive will be monitered

- You can not stay in your room for more than and hour a day, you are only meant to sleep in there

- Eight or more hours on the computer ONLY doing your school work are recommended

- If you do not complete at least 10 assignments a day, you are behind, you must stay on the school website for as long as possible, eating and using the bathroom time is limited.

- I have permission to set these rules, I am your father, you must be educated well, and "I can do whatever the **** I want to and you are entitled to do these" ( actually quote from my father ).

- Youtube, Tumblr, Twitter, Facebook, Pinterest, you name it; are strictly BLOCKED and are not acceptable. You don't need any website except your school website, and Google.com for school research

- You will work on your education until your fingers bleed from typing essays or assignment answers.

- You are not allowed to complete your school work in your room.

- Sports, applying for jobs, spending time with friends are not necessary.

- Background checks on anybody you have social interaction must be approved by your parents, including teachers or any family members

- If you try to escape these rules in any way, shape, or form, the police will be involved, you will be monitored even more, and you shall be taken away in to adoption and/or various punishments

I am scared, I have nightmares, I have suicidal thoughts throbbing in my head constantly, I dream of the day I can finally be free. Any advice on how to escape my troubles with my family would help so much.

I am in high school and take online courses but I always find myself trying to look for anything besides my school work to do. I manage to make perfect grades, and I complete my assignments on a schedule. Any advise on how I can keep my mind focused on just my education?