Challenge

When my husband and I met he had a 90k in debt (he says from helping out his Mom and other things). We worked together to pay his debt down minus 25k which he is now taking care of. I pay all of the bills at home so that he can pay off the last of his debt before we have children. Although it has been 7 months - he has only paid 5k towards his bills. I asked where the rest of his money has gone and he said to a different bill (one that I thought was paid off). He is not an addict. I think he overspends. But, I am beginning to think this is going to be a problem in the marriage. How would you handle this situation?

After I caught my husband of two years in 4 lies we did 8 months of weekly marriage counseling. After 8 months our therapist said that we were doing so well that we only needed to see her once a month. Shortly thereafter I found out that my husband took out a loan without telling me about it, so I separated from him. I asked our marriage counselor if she thought my husband was a habitual liar. She said no he is not a habitual liar. He just did not have the courage to tell you the truth. But I disagree because my husband has told me several lies. What do you think? How can you tell if someone as a problem with lying?

After I caught my husband of two years in 4 lies we did 8 months of weekly marriage counseling. After 8 months our therapist said that we were doing so well that we only needed to see her once a month. Shortly thereafter I found out that my husband took out a loan without telling me about it, so I separated from him. I asked our marriage counselor if she thought my husband was a habitual liar. She said no he is not a habitual liar. He just did not have the courage to tell you the truth. But I disagree because my husband has told me several lies. What do you think? How can you tell if someone as a problem with lying?

My husband revealed to me on the night of our honeymoon that he had a very severe case of bleeding hemorrhoids. I asked him if he was constipated or straining and he said no. He said the hemorrhoids were the result of being stressed about getting married. I have never seen such a severe case of hemorrhoids. We were on our honeymoon for 2 weeks and could not be intimate because he was in a lot of pain. My husband is not always honest with me so I have reason to doubt his explanation for the hemorrhoids. Anyway, my question is can stress cause severe hemorrhoids?

I have been married for almost two years and I have recently separated from my husband because he has lied to me several times. We do not have children. My husband says I have blown the most recent lie he told out of proportion. He says his main motivation for lying is that he doesn't want to upset me. Below is a list of the lies he has told me. Please read them and let me know if you think I have somewhat overreacted by moving out and deciding to live on my own until I can figure out if this marriage should continue. Also, do you think it is a good idea to hold on to a marriage with these things in mind?

1. He told me after I moved in with him about the mountainous debts that he needed to repay. He knew I did not like debt, but he never told me about his own debt until after we were engaged and living together. Since that time, I have helped him pay the vast majority of his debts. 2. He lied and said he was NOT on a website created for people who are in relationships but want to have one night stands. I found out that he was on the website by looking at his history on the computer. He created a fake profile, but quickly deleted after He realized that I knew what he was doing. 3.He went to a different state than where we live and met up with some female friends from high school, but told me he was going back to his hotel room to go to bed. When I found out about this I asked him about it and he said he did not want to tell me about it because he knew I would get upset because they were females. 4.He decided to make a promise to cut off all communication with a guy friend of his whom he said was a bad influence. This is a friend that he says made him aware of the confidential affair website and told him to check it out. I was shocked that he suggested that he would not speak to this friend because this is someone he has known for years. So a few months went by and I asked my husband how his friend was reacting to him now that he has stopped all communication. He told me that he hasn't spoken to him. I told him I thought he was lying because he always speaks to this particular friend. That is when my husband became belligerent and said that he did not appreciate being called a liar. Then he stormed out of the house. He later came back and apologized and admitted to continuing to speak to this friend. The last lie he told me that caused me to leave was that he took out a personal loan and used collateral that I paid off to help him get the loan. He said he used the loan for gifts and travel cash and he fully intended to pay it back so he saw no reason to tell me Bout it. He says going forward he will tell me everything and that he is heartbroken and wishes that I would realize that this last lie is not a lie like the others he has told. Also, we were in marriage counseling for several months before this most recent lie that he told me about the loan. My husband wants to go back to marriage counseling to rebuild the trust, but I just don't think that he can stop lying...I was thinking I would stay married, but just keep all of my money, income and other assets separate until I can trust him again. But, part of me just wants to be done with this because it is exhausting to worry that he won't be able to tell me the truth in the future or even worse that he will get better at hiding the truth. He says he has learned his lesson and that he will not lie anymore. He says he is a changed man, but after so many lies, how can I know what is best for me?

My husband and I just finished up marital therapy due to some lies that he told. Just recently, I learned that he took out a loan without telling me about it and he used something that we previously paid off together as collateral for the loan. He didn't tell me about it because he didn't think he needed to. I am very upset about this because we have spent so much time talking in therapy and together about the importantance of honesty. But he says he just didn't think it was a big deal. I am truly devastated and I don't understand why he didn't tell me about it. Would you be concerned?

My husband of 2 years has been caught lying to me so we agreed that counseling would be best. During counseling my husband revealed that he was uncomfortable telling me the truth about things for fear I would leave. We worked through his concerns and after six months the therapist said we no longer needed counseling. We do not have children, but we would like to start a family soon. I recently learned that my husband took out a loan for a significant sum of money without telling me. I confronted him about it and he lied and said that there must be some kind of mistake. I am making plans to separate. But, I feel bad about it. What would you do?

I just found out that my husband - who I know loves me very much - neglected to tell me about dinner and drinks he had with several highschool friends on a recent trip. Not only did he not tell me, I think he may have lied all together regarding where he was.

I found out about the dinner and drinks by reading information on our shared computer. He accidentally left the last page up that he was reading and I read where he made arrangements to meet several highschool friends during a recent trip. After I realized he lied to me, I asked him again about what all he did when he was on this recent trip and he kind of skirted the issue and changed the subject on me so that he didn't have to answer me and tell me everything he did.

For the life of me, I can't figure out why he would omit this information - but, it is really bothering me. The information I read on our shared computer indicated that he followed up with a few of the people he met with and said how much he 'loved' catching up with them, etc. It bothered me that he used the word 'love'. Am I overreacting? I also read something about one of the people he met with stating that she would 'walk through snow' to meet him if she had to - and he responded 'I would do the same.

This is not the first time I have caught him in a 'white lie'. I have always forgiven him and just moved on as we all make mistakes, but now I am worried because I think he is manipulating me. I have a history of putting up with bad behavior by men, and I don't want to repeat that pattern.

We have a WONDERFUL marriage otherwise. But, you know how sometimes you can't see the forest for the trees? I just need an objective opinon on this one. Thanks for reading such a long question!!

I am forced to periodically be around someone who copies everything I do. She purchases what I purchases, colors her hair like mine, tries to dress like me and then tries to "outdo" me by going a step beyond what I did. If I buy a purse, she buys the same brand but much more expensive. I am just being myself - not competing at all. But this is really getting annoying. How would you handle something like this? How would you feel? Unfortunately, I am unable to confront her due to circumstances beyond my control.

My new husband is a thin guy who is normally very laid back. However, the last couple of times we have been in an argument he has either pounded his fists in his hand, hit the wall or thrown a piece of paper at me. I told him this is intimidating, aggressive and disrespectful behavior and I won't tolerate it. He says that I am over-reacting and he is doing these things because I am yelling at him. There are also other concerns in the marriage, though minor in comparison. For example our intimacy is not frequent (it's 2 a month at best). When I speak to him about it, he says that it's up to me to initiate things so that we can have more sex. Would you be concerned? Do you think I am overreacting?

I have been married for one year. My husband recently created a new facebook account and uses his ex-girlfriend's name as his password. I just think it is odd and don't know what, if anything I should make out of it. He is a good husband and I don't think he is cheating at all. I just find this odd. What do you think?

I am a very private person and I generally share intimate information about myself with people in my close circle of friends. I was recently married for the second time and my maid of honor put together some games for my bridal shower. After I divorced the first time, I kept my married last name.

One of the questions on the games asked attendees to guess my maiden name. I was bothered by this question because many of the people at my shower did not know that I was married previously. Furthermore, people started commenting about my legal first name which I don’t use and most people at my shower do not know my legal first name and I was embarrassed and now I am angry. I am so bothered by this that I am thinking about it a lot. Am I over reacting?

My fiance's friends threw him a bachelor party in Vegas. Prior to my fiance's leaving for Vegas I told him to have a good time, but considering that he is engaged, he should be respectful.

According to my fiance there were strippers at the bachelor party, but nothing happened and there was no touching.

Right. My fiancee could barely speak when he came home. His voice was shot. He said it was because they did a lot of shouting partying, etc.

So, I looked over all of that and said that I understood this was his one night. But, in the future there should be no more strippers, no strip clubs, etc. He agreed and we moved on.

My girls are getting ready to throw my bachelorette party and I found out that strippers are invited. I mentioned this as a side bar to another conversation I was having with my fiancee and he became livid.

He said I thought you told me no more strippers. I said, I did and I meant that FOR YOU. If you had strippers at your bachelor party, I don't see the harm in having them at mine.

He became so incredibly ANGRY. It has me thinking that the real reason he is upset is because he knows what he did at his bachelor party and does not want me to do the same.

What do you think?

I am getting married in December to a great guy! But, lately I have found myself a little envious of other couples. When I was dating I decided that the most critical thing for me was to have a person with great character, who was a great companion. And, that is what I have.

However, I am now comparing my relationship and specifically my fiancée to other relationships where the men are successful and have a great income. He is not a pauper by any means. He went to college and earns a decent living. But, my salary is currently double his and I kind of wish that he was more successful and I wonder how this will affect our relationship long term.

Anyone ever had a situation similar to this? Am I being silly?

I am currently studying for the LSAT. I am taking a course to help prepare me for the exam. The first thing the course does is give you a diagnostic and I scored a lousy 133. I feel so incredibly stupid. I know I can do this exam, but why is everything so foreign? I am so frustrated. Has anyone out there struggled at first with the LSAT and overcome it? Law school has always been a dream of mine, so the idea of not going because I can't master the LSAT is so upsetting and makes me feel very dumb.

I have asked a few of my closest friends to be in my wedding. I have known each of these ladies for most of my life. What I did not realize is how fat they have all become. I am still the same weight that we all were when were in highschool. But, they have all gained about 80lbs or more and are now close to 200lbs. We went to try on bridesmaids dresses recently and it was so incredibly hard to find something that fits them well. How would you feel about having an all fat bridal party? Would you be embarassed?

When my fiance and I were dating, we were in a long distance relationship for the first few years of our relationship. We saw each other every 2-3 weeks. Each time we saw each other we did not have sex and he has never been affectionate. I have always been the affectionate one.

I asked my fiance (while we were dating) why he seems uninterested in sex and affection and he said because he did not want me to think that was all he wanted me for. I told him not to worry and I would not think that. But, he did not take me up on it and we rarely had sex while we were dating.

Since his wedding proposal to me we have moved in together. We have been living together for six months. During this time I can count on one hand the numbers of times we have had sex. I asked him about it and he said that he has never been an aggressive person, he has body image issues and if I would initiate sex, he would be responsive.

I decided to initiate more, but according to him, he did not pick up on my signals and so we did not have sex the few times I initiated. He claimed that I needed to clearly demonstrate that I was initiating sex because he thought I was just kissing him good night or being affectionate or something like that. The next time I initiated I came to bed completely naked and he was receptive.

But, now I am wondering...a man who lives with a woman and has sex with her maybe once a month seems odd. I don't want to overreact because other than this he is truly a very sweet person, but I am not so sure that marriage is the right step for us. I love him very much but I don't want to make a mistake here. Please give me your honest opinion...I am thinking about calling off my wedding, would you?

My fiance has about 4 female friendships that he had prior to our relationship. These are women that he as known for 10-15 years each. I have met all of them and have grown fond of them as well. However, he is especially close to one of his female friends who also happens to be very attractive. They seem to have a lot in common as well. Once during conversation this same female friend put her hand on my fiance's thigh. There have also been times when she has called him when he and I were out on a date together and they would carry on conversation for several minutes. This same friend has a tendency to dominate the conversation when I am around, it is almost impossible for me to get a word in the conversation. And finally, they used to take each other out on dates for special occasions - birthdays and celebrations and such even though they have both been in relationships with different people over the years.

I brought all of this up to my fiance and let him know that I was beginning to feel a little uncomfortable with their relationship because I felt there was an emotional intimacy with another woman. My fiance was defensive about it so I called it off with him (this was prior to our getting engaged). He later called me crying and upset and assured me that they are only friends and that is all they have ever been, but he agreed to hang out with her only when I am around.

But, I am still uncomfortable because they still correspond to each other - at least by email. I am not sure how I should handle this. Am I just being paranoid? Has anyone been in a similar situation?

My fiance has about 4 female friendships that he had prior to our relationship. These are women that he as known for 10-15 years each. I have met all of them and have grown fond of them as well. However, he is especially close to one of his female friends who also happens to be very attractive. They seem to have a lot in common as well. Once during conversation this same female friend put her hand on my fiance's thigh. There have also been times when she has called him when he and I were out on a date together and they would carry on conversation for several minutes. This same friend has a tendency to dominate the conversation when I am around, it is almost impossible for me to get a word in the conversation. And finally, they used to take each other out on dates for special occasions - birthdays and celebrations and such even though they have both been in relationships with different people over the years.

I brought all of this up to my fiance and let him know that I was beginning to feel a little uncomfortable with their relationship because I felt there was an emotional intimacy with another woman. My fiance assured me that they are only friends and that is all they have ever been, but he agreed to hang out with her only when I am around.

But, I am still uncomfortable because they still correspond to each other - at least by email. I am not sure how I should handle this. Am I just being paranoid? Has anyone been in a similar situation?

I have a 13 year old Chihuahua whom has been with me since he was 6 weeks old. About 4 months ago, he began suffering with heart and lung problems. It has required frequent trips to the emergency room and over $4K in medical expenses. His conditioning is worsening and my vet says that there is no additional treatment to give him. We just try to make him as comfortable as possible, but my dog still has a difficult time breathing and coughs a lot because of the heavy fluid on his lungs. I know it must be a miserable exsistence for him. I have an appointment to get him euthanized today, but I don't want to do it. Has anyone been through this before? When did you know that it was time to say goodbye?