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A large jetplane has crashed. The only survivor - A MONKEY ! -is being questioned....by using sign language,electric impulses , circus trainers & zoo keepers,etc..

Question: "Before the crash, what were the passengers doing?"

Monkey: Raises hands in the air & says:"EEEK! EEEK!"

-"And what were the stewardesses doing ?"

Monkey: Raises hands in the air & says:"EEEK! EEEEK!"

-"And what were the Pilot & Co-pilot doing ?"

Monkey: Raises hands in the air & says:"EEEEK! EEEEK!"

-"And what were YOU doing?"

Monkey: Extends arms in front (as if on wheel) & says:"VROOOUM!

VROOOUM!"

In a bar, a monkey asks the bartenter:"Do you have bananas?"

The bartender says :"No."

2 minutes later, monkey:"Do you have bananas?"

Bartender:"No!"

1 minute later,monkey:"Do you have bananas?"

Bartender:"NO! And if you ask me that again, I'll nail your tongue to the bar !"

The monkey thinks...2 minutes later, the monkey asks:"Do you have nails ?"

Bartender:"No."...

Monkey:"DO YOU HAVE ANY BANANAS ?"

How is it that people from the Four Corners of the Earth keep telling you that the Earth is round ?.....

A child received a furry small pet. The pet grew rapidly to the size of a chimp.It was found to be an Orary. The Orary ate all day.It became too costly to keep. No zoo would take it as no cage could hold an adult Orary! The child's father took the pet to a park & let it go; that night,it came back! Dad sent it by freight train to the far coast. 2 days later, it broke the crate & came back home !Sadly,Dad rented a truck & drove the 300 Kilogram Orary to the Grand Canyon. He led the 3 meter- tall beast to the edge of the cliff and said:"I'm sorry. We love you,but I can't afford to keep you. I've got to tip you over the edge of this cliff! The Orary looked over the edge,then looked at the father and the Orary started to cry. Then, the Orary straightened up and - to the astonishment of the father,started to sing ! --

"O! IT'S A LONG WAY TO TIP ORARY!- IT'S A LONG WAY TO GO !- IT'S A LONG WAY TO TIP ORARY....."

-Ask your parents,if you don't know the song.

-Worth a Star ?...Bye.

1945. Adolf hitler & Herman Goering are driving in an area recently bombed when their Staff Car ran over a pig.

Adolf says: " Go to the nearest town. Inform them of the death of the pig. Also,try & bring back some lunch. But my

presence here must remain a secret."

Herman walks down the road & Adolf waits...& he waits...

Hours later, Herman is seen struggling back to the Staff Car. His pockets are stuffed with bottles of wine & beer. He

has sausage links wound around his neck & shoulders. His

arms are weighed down with hams,cheeses & loaves of bread.

Adolf says:" Well,you were gone for a long time! ! I see you

were very lucky to find generous people to supply our lunch,

but I did insist that you keep my location secret !"

Herman:" But I did,Mein Fuhrer ! I just walked into the tavern, I said: "HEIL HITLER ! THE PIG IS DEAD ! " ---People started cheering & dancing ;they brought me food & drink,&

they wouldn't let me leave !!!... - a star ?