Sitting Still

My name is Craig. I do have a surname, but it’s a secret. My mother carried me in her womb throughout the arduous summer of 1976. This year is famed for being the hottest summer ever recorded in Britain. In fact, in some parts of the country (places like Croydon, Norwich and Scunthorpe) the temperatures recorded were equal to or greater than those on the surface of the sun! Now that’s bloody warm. You could, quite literally fry an egg in a pan on a cooker. We’re talking seriously hot! I was born in December of that year, when, ironically enough “When A Child Is Born” by Johnny Mathis was at the top of the charts. Thanks for the dedication Johnny, that’s terribly kind of you. In my early years as a toddler, I shone as a bit of a philosopher. I argued at kindergarten the existence of a universe in a fifth or sixth dimension which polarises our own. And if you believe that...