HOOPS

Form side in the championship at the moment,do you think they will get automatic promotion? play offs? or crash and burn?

Are you going to answer sensibly or not ? lol

Tonight BB1,10PM,World cup preview.Apart from viewers in Scotland.Instead they will get the classic film Out Of Africa.

Will anyone be watching?

A man staggered into a hospital with a concussion, multiple bruises, 2

black eyes, and a 5 iron wrapped tightly around his throat. Naturally, the

doctor asked him, 'What happened to YOU?' “Well, I was having a quiet round

of golf with my wife, when at a difficult hole, we both sliced our golf

balls into a field of cattle. We went to look for them and while I was

looking around I noticed 1 of the cows had something white at its rear

end.” “I walked over, lifted its tail, and sure enough, there was a golf

ball with my wife's monogram on it, stuck right in the middle of the cow's

fanny. Still holding the cow's tail up, I yelled to my wife, hey, this

looks like yours!”

“I don't remember much after that.”

Can anyone tell me which song they have sampled on this track?

I have it on a compilation cd but i cant find it and its doing my head in!

A husband and wife came for counseling after 15 years of marriage.

When asked what the problem was, the wife went into a passionate, painful tirade listing every problem they had ever had in the 15 years they had been married.

She went on and on and on: neglect, lack of intimacy, emptiness, loneliness, feeling unloved and unlovable, an entire laundry list of un-met needs she had endured over the course of their marriage.

Finally, after allowing this to go on for a sufficient length of time, the therapist got up, walked around the desk and, after asking the wife to stand, embraced and kissed her passionately. The woman shut up and quietly sat down as though in a daze.

The therapist turned to the husband and said, "This is what your wife needs at least three times a week. Can you do this?"

The husband thought for a moment and replied,..

"Well, I can drop her off here on Mondays and Wednesdays,

but on Fridays, I fish."

Little Billy asks his dad for a telly in his room. Dad reluctantly agrees. Next day Billy comes downstairs and asks,'Dad, what's love juice?'

Dad looks horrified and tells Billy all about sex.

Billy just sat there with his mouth open in amazement.

Dad says,'So what were you watchin'?'

Billy says,' Wimbledon .'

Only two banks will be operational

The Blood Bank and the Sperm Bank.

Then these 2 banks will merge and will be called

The Bloody Fu*king Bank

First little leeds lose and now chelscum lose !

Im so happy how about you?

laughing at the once mighty leeds getting beat by a village football team?

Ordered some stuff online the other day and I used my Donor Card instead of my Debit Card.

Cost me an arm and a leg! lol

I have just found out that the price of the tickets for the game are £40 sodding quiid!

How can they charge us ( QPR ) that much when i only paid £15 to go to aston villa in the last round!

Yeah i know that QPR prob have something to do with the price,but for christ sake its a bit of a jump ain't it?

What do you think of these over the top prices to watch a football match?

Those harry potter films are so unrealistic. I mean I believe in the flying car and magic but where the fook have you ever seen a ginger kid with two mates ??

As a result of moutinhos sacking there will be a minute`s laughter at all grounds on saturday

Will you all be joining in?

I know you ladies are gonna have a go but i can take it,you know i love you all!

Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes a woman's sex drive by 90%.

It's called a Wedding Cake.

Why do men die before their wives?

They want to.

Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street

with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy

In the beginning, God created the earth and rested.

Then God created Man and rested.

Then God created Woman.

Since then, neither God nor Man has rested

How many men does it take to open a beer?

None. It should be opened when she brings it.

Why do women have smaller feet than men?

It's one of those "evolutionary things" that allows

Them to stand closer to the kitchen sink.

Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman?

Because a woman who can't even afford a washing machine will probably never be able to support you.

How do you know when a woman is about to say something smart?

When she starts a sentence with "A man once told me..."

How do you fix a woman's watch?

You don't. There is a clock on the oven.

Why do men pass gas more than women?

Because women can't shut up long enough to

Build up the required pressure.

If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front door, who do you let in first?

The dog, of course. He'll shut up once you let him in.

What's worse than a Male Chauvinist Pig?

A woman who won't do what she's told

Husband says to wife "My olympic condoms have arrived, I think I'll wear the gold tonight" wife says "why don't you wear the silver and *** f***** 2nd for a change!"

Daisy comes home from school & says "Mummy, Johnny showed me his willy today, it was just like a peanut!" Mum says "You mean small!" Daisy replies, "No salty!"

Women in jewellers farts as she leans down too look at a ring..

hoping no one noticed she asks "how much?" jeweller says "madam,if you farted lookin at it ,you`ll sh it yourself when i tell you the price"

Paddy and Murphy go to a sperm bank in london...

The day turns into a disaster for them,as Paddy missed the tube and Murphy came on the bus!!!

ho ho ho