drew1jms

Can you eat seconds of a sloppy Joe?

I'm having trouble deleting some of my bookmarks.Everytime I try,it says failed to delete.What can I do??

*No offense 2 any1*

-Monica Lewinsky goes to the dry cleaner & tells the owner,"I've got another dress 4 u 2 clean." Slightly hard of hearing,the guy replies,"Come again?" "No," she says."Mustard."

-Q.Why did the ugly girl take up jogging?

A.It was the only way she could hear heavy breathing.

-Q.What's the defintion of a total loser?

A.Someone who wins 1st prize in a fart off.

-Q.What's more boring than listening to a speech by Al Gore?

A.Watching Tipper undress.

-Q.What's the defintion of saturated fat?

A.Rush Limbaugh in a hot tub.

-Q.Why did Rosie O'Donnell stop going to the beach?

A.Because the Save the Whales people kept pushing her back into the ocean.

-Q.How do you know when you live in a really bad neighborhood?

A.The church has a bouncer.

Q.How do you know when your in a really bad school?

A.The school newspaper has its own obituary page.

Q.Why do blondes smile when they see lightning?

A.They think they're getting their picture taken.

-Q.What candy bar is named for girls only?

A.HERSHEY!

-2 drunk guys are in a Penthouse bar in New York City.They are trying to amaze each other with wild stories.Drunk #1 says to Drunk #2,"Hey pal,when it gets windy like it is today,you can jump right off this building to the sidewalk below without hurting yourself at all.It's like the wind grabs you and just lifts you back up on the building." Drunk#2 replies,"You're crazy-that's impossible." "It's true,man-I'll show you myself," responds Drunk #1,who then runs to the edge of the roof,jumps off,falls down hundreds of feet,swooshes around & lands back up at the bar.Drunk#2 is amazed and screams."Wow! I'm gonna try that!" He runs to the roof edge,jumps off & falls to his death.After a moment,the bartender turns to Drunk#1 and says,"Darn(**),Superman-you're a real a**ho*e when you're drunk."

-Q.What did one dog say to the other dog when they saw a parking meter 4 the first time?

A."Look,Rover a pay toilet!"

more 2 come....

I seem to of hit a snag with some people on my last Q(my jokes) and some said that they weren't funny.Okay,then..what jokes do u consider funny??

And a note on the Michael Jackson jokes-I apologize for telling them.I like Michael Jacksons music a lot-personally he's somewhat of a mystery to me sometimes...'nuff said.

..well in my opinion,they are:

-A man rushes into his house and yells to his wife,"Martha,I've just won the lottery! Pack up your things!" "Fantastic",replies Martha."Shall I pack for warm weather or cold weather?" "I don't care".says the man."Just as long as you're out of the house by noon."

-America's most famous mouse and his wife are in divorce court.The judge said to the mouse,"You claim that your wife is insane."The mouse replied,"No,no-I said she was f****n goofy."

-Q.Why are parrots smarter than chickens? A.There's no such thing as a Kentucky Fried Parrot.

-Q.How do you know when your secretary is truly honest?

A.She calls in lazy.

-Q.What's the defintion of old age?

A.When all the girls in your little black book are grandmothers.

Q.What's the defintion of a total loser?

A.A guy who loses his wife in a poker game.

-Q.Why did Michael Jackson give up Pepsi?

A.He switched to seven and up.

stay tuned 4 more.....

Please don't take offense 2 any of these.

Okay,this song came out in 1990 and it is by a pop artist.His name is Nikki & the song is called "Notice me." It was a top 20 hit on the pop charts & I have searched almost everywhere for it.

I remember seeing the video years ago when it first came out & I loved it ever since.

Thank u in advance if you can help me.BTW,he's a one hit wonder I believe.

Me,yes all the time.

Me & my fiance watched it last night(rented it from Netflix) and we loved it! It was a great movie.Funny & sad.Anyways,my question is-Who played Michael's(Adam Sandler's) adult son in the movie & where have I seen him before?

BTW,If you haven't seen it yet,it's a recommended movie by jdub.

He's been into space,he went to Lalopalooza,he's been an artist,an inventer,a sports mascot,a chiropractor(non-liscensed),he's a safety inspector,he's been a country manager..heck,he's done a lot.Me,I haven't done that much stuff & I'm way smarter than him.At least,I don't have a crayon stuck up my nose into my brain.

What questions do I have in store for you? What will I ask...well,wait no more:

1)Do you drive?(No,I just drive people crazy)

2)What color are your eyes? Your hair?(my eyes are hazel,my hair-brown,until I shave it.)

3)Do you have cable(nope,I'm semi-poor)

4)How tall are you?(I'm 5'8")

5)Where's the most embarrassing place you've passed gas?(Sadly,it was in church)

6)Who are the most important people in your life?(God,family,my fiance,my friends)

and to make this a short survey:

7)Did you like my survey & if so,would u like more?(I did & yes,probably I will.)

***Thanks for all the participants who played in this round of DUBS Survey says-now,on with your regular scheduled questions.***

baked a cake?

Yes,I'm here.Please.Enough clapping.Thank you.Thank you.

Aww,you're to kind...Ok,time to answer some questions.

-As you can tell-yes,I'm happy so whatever somebody says bad,they're not gonna spoil my day.-

Would you be able to park in the handicapped spaces?

Just wonderin'.

Okay,I am not a moron but the person who called me one must be.So,I really don't care what you say because you don't know me.So without further ado:

Q.What did Tigger find in the toilet?

A.Pooh

Q.What did Spock find in the toilet?

A.The Captain's log

Q.What's a blind man's fave beer?

A.IC Light

Q.Have you ever seen Dolly Parton's shoes?

A.Neither has she

(original joke) Why do they call it a soft drink?...Have u ever been hit with a can of pop?

Q.What do you get when you cross a Yamaha with a laughing hyena?

A.A Yamahahahaha

Q.If you're so smart then what's the color of an orange?

Q.Why are Michael Jacksons pants so short?

A.Because they're not his.

(original joke)

Person #1: Are you going out today?

Person #2 Depends

Person#1:No,I don't wear them yet.

My school was so tough,they had a bouncer.

My school was so tough,they had a school newspaper with their own obituary page.

More 2 come!

A man calls the vet up because his dog ate his pen.

"Doctor! Doctor! My dog just ate my pen."

"Calm down,now" said the doctor."I'll make an appointment for you to come see me."

"Is there anything I can do in the meantime?"asks the man.

"Yes,use a pencil." replies the doctor.

Okay,she gave birth to me(and my 3 sisters) and my parents divorced in 1977. I love my mother but I don't trust her.

How can I when she has lied to me so many times before?

The last time that I've seen her was around Christmas and she lives with my sister who doesn't live too far from me.

I try to be in her life but she seems as if she takes advantage of me and all.I love when I'm with her but I can't learn to trust her.

She's let me down most of my life and I have her e-mail & when I try to contact her,she never replies back or never calls me.I have tried to get in touch with her but I get upset because we never hang out that much anymore.

This is a serious question and I've been depressed most of my life because of it.I just hope that one day she'll come through.

I miss my mother.I love her very much.I have a step mom(since 1995)and she seems to be a better mom to me than my biological mother.

Any thoughts or advice u can give? Thanks.

I know that I'm pretty new here and I just like to make friends.

You can never have too many friends,right? So,if I ever offended you in anyway,I am sorry.I don't like to hurt anyone & if you are offended by any of my comments or questions please contact me.

I may have my own views on some subjects but they are just my opinions & even though I don't know anyone personally,I just want to let you know that you shouldn't be afraid of me.

I am not here to hurt anyone.Thanks.Peace to one.Peace to all.

...a can of Pringles? And if so,how'd you get it out?

(Yes,I am eating some Pringles from a can-Salt & Vinegar btw & my hand is not stuck..yet.)

I was just listening to this song yesterday & I wondered what the English lyrics were.I like the original & cover.

Why is it that one of my answers was deleted because it restricted violation guidelines & I didn't see any problem with it but when someone asks a Q,someone replies w/something really ignorant & uses swear words & are totally inappropiate for human eyes?

I admit I had a Q that was deleted & I had apologize for that(it was about Anna Nicole) but how can someone be so ignorant in replying to a Q?

-If you don't have a good reply than why answer? Is it because you just want points?-

ok-my 2 cents r put in.