PsychStudent

How would you feel if something you created was used unethically? I recently was offered a deal to sign with a major industry label making something I do out of integrity-(music, I am a singer) but they wouldn't give me control over what happened with it- it could be used in commercials and stuff if they choose that I don't condone. It is VERY hard to get that kind of deal (artistic control) if you need it. Usually if one builds up the reputation and distribution and shows then one doesn't need the major label anymore, and they're more ammenable to giving such concessions out. I can't get then to add anything in at this point even to give me access to that control at any point in the business relationship.

At this point I am holding out for artistic integrity.The legals of their contracts means they own the royalties and retain creative control to veto things or use for commercials or whatever they would want.

Any reason you can think of to give it more consideration??

I am asking, because someone I know suffers from this trauma induced illness- and she is a severe example of total denial and projection. Very high-functioning socially.

So far I haven't found A SINGLE exmple of any real recovery except that one famous example, which isn't much of a recovery- she was able to figure it OUT for herself why but not really stop the symptoms and issues inside herself, even after 30-40 years of work.

All the cases documented this is the most dibilitating of mental illnesses precisely because the suffering person refuses to stick with help or believe they have a legitimate and very noticable illness to everyone else- and they run from everyone and anything that challenges this denial mechanism citing abuse and criticism in their permanent self-victimizing passing the buck and sabotaging and avoiding anything that challenges their already fragile little self-esteem. I.E. once destroyed they canno longer "fix" themselves. No real control of self: Displaced

I have been in counseling for loosing my cool and trying too hard to salvage this relationship I was in with an emotionally abusive victim of incest and rape and cult indoctrinating programming. Naturally, just like any of us, to her she is fine when no one like me is around. Meaning only serious abusers fit together with her. I became in my frustration at her control games and abusive tactics ("don't make me hurt your heart or who you are inside" kind of crap) really blunt and cutting of her choices and tactics, and critical of her bullshit and denial. I really grew to care about her and I do love her. I have been learning a TON about what kind of mistakes I made in my inability to cope with someone like this -and that sometimes nothing can work except walking away- something I used to say all the time was the only option she left me. I was the enemy from day 2-4 because I cared and was her BF- the object of the threat of intimacy.

Now I am forever the enemy.

What did you learn?

yo. I am just as red-blooded as anyone else, but more and more I am increasing getting fed up with all the exploitation in our culture- smutt and porn seems to fuel just about everything. I don't have a problem otherwise with pornography (to each their own- it can be a healing tool for some I've discovered- to learn that sex is ok and maybe even fun, even though porn sucks 99.9999% of the time). I'm talking the selling-sex-girls everyhwere I look. I am in a big city now and it's everywhere. WTF? can't people go ****-off somewhere and leave things a bit more evolved? Ladies- Men... your take on this? Do we value the interactions we have in intimacy so little??? Men, do get offended sometimes by the manipulation like me? Women and Girls, do you feel pressured to be like these looser 'ho'bags...??? Do people REALLY like this sort of thing? I FIND IT TO BE SOOOO FREAKING LAME LAME LAME. Like WHO in HELL would want to be with someone so easy and indescriminate ANYWAY? ICK!!!! LOL!

Just got out of an abusive crazy messed up relationship (her= Child Abuse Survivor) but despite all that I want to let her know I sincerely care about her. I have some gifts for her B'day coming up and I wouldn't be surprised if I was the only one who was gonna try and do anything for her gift-wise for her maybe except her kids- her B'days ALWAYS SUCK! She has had a hell of a life and I tried to help save her (rescuer BS) and messed up bad (way in over my head). There is no way I'm gonna swing by but perhaps mail her a box? She technically owes me $$$ but this is her b'day. I do love her and no matter what I think everyone deserves to know that even their worst enemies might want them to have a nice day, especially on a b'day. And I am not her enemy, despite what she might think about me. I wish her the best of everything from the bottom of my heart- I'd still even be a real friend to her for the rest of her life- just NEVER EVER a partner- least not at this point, no way in hell.

I know the best thing to do is leave- but I didn't- for 2 years. I tried and tried and tried- compromised every boundary I ever have had just to see if it makes any difference. I didn't want to believe that victims create abusers as much as abusers create victims, but even I started to become "an abuser" and victim! I've been in counseling and support groups for survivors of incest (her) and they said all this is normal. I wanted to believe she could break the mold but she talks the talk but won't walk the walk- and she's headed for more pain- but it won't be with me... So would you call that abusive or just way in over your head and not helpful to the victim who doesn't want to learn or get help for their problems??? I'm out and getting help for understanding my limitations (like I don't know it after this), as well as how to not be manipulative or controlling when what I ask for and my request is blown away and I give ground over another boundary made. I'm in counseling, she's not.

Yo fellas. Ever been in a relationship with someone so damaged and abused that they couldn't handle sincerity or honest disclosure about who they are and you took it personally? I'm talking faking availability to every guy with a compliment out there and yet she totally unavailable to you even after 2 years of trying and dealing with constant emotional betrayals and cheating and lying about who she is and what she is into? I just got out of a relationship with someone who could be the coolest girl in the world but needs validation from every 3-legged creature out there and believes nothing about disclosure or risking being vulnerable or known- a TRUE victim who hasn't recovered. If you are a women or a victim please don't answer- I've heard enough in a lifetime from damaged deceiptful women working crisis lines who refuse to take responsibility for their ignorance and projections or not being in therapy or own up to what they create, 2 or work on changing the dynamic in counseling w/U

I am recently moved to Seattle WA, USA. I am looking at either Cornish or the Art Institute of Seattle this fall, if I don't go to UW. They seem a lot alike (music production major). Any input or opinions? Campus issues... Access? Staff???

My ex and I fought all the time- I'm confrontational and domineering but like to solve problems together. She runs and avoids everything and doesn't talk about anything or disclose important things necessary to healthy communication: I.E. BAGGAGE. I think we might hate each other now but I still feel like she was THE ONE but we messed up too bad. Like right now I'd go to counseling together if she'd go with me. She won't allow me to be anything but what she believes I am, but all she sees most of the time is her projections, unless I am deceptive and masquerade on-line as someone else (I did that once and she was ready to run away with me!!!)... What helped besides time and turning in and letting go and growing up? I'm working on my life and self and dreams but sometimes, just sometimes it feels like a nightmare now that we've given up trying to really see who each other is.

My ex and I split up not too long ago. I miss her as a person a lot. There has been trust broken and betrayals and lack of communication. I see no way out without her reaching back out to me like I would with her. I moved away but I miss her friendship and still dream about what we wanted together. I adore her and I messed up just as much in her eyes as she has in mine. I'm tired of the blame and resentment though...

Anyone BESIDES Iyanla Vanzandt (In the Meantime) ever break the mold and it was real love? I would wait 10 years and work on myself and health and MY dreams. I wish she understood me and realized that it takes two.

I just got out of a relationship I eventually messed up in as much as she did, and she doesn't know how much I care about her, as well as projects all her fears (like most of us) -which have never had anything to do with me. The worst part is that I DO really miss her, the good sides of her. I hear that as long as she is projecting there is nothing I can do. I believe that if we think we know who someone is and that is all they are then we're stuck and it's done. Any healthy ways to change this for someone else short of walking away forever?