HornyMistress

(Belching and Farting btw) I can feel it bubbling in my stomach. I throw up when it gets too bad and have to throw up 4-5 times until the smell goes away. I also get constipated and after a day or 2 it turns into diahorria. I don't have it all the time but when i do it's embarrasing! I get stomach cramps during this as well which are bad. Does anyone else have this problem? I've been to the doctors but waiting for blood tests to come back, all they will say is that it MIGHT be down to stress....

A lawyer married a woman who had previously divorced ten husbands. On their wedding night, she told her new husband, “Please be gentle, I’m still a virgin.”

“What?” said the puzzled groom. “How can that be if you’ve been married ten times?”

Well…

# “Husband #1 was a sales representative: he kept telling me how great it was going to be.

# Husband #2 was in software services: he was never really sure how it was supposed to function, but he said he’d look into it and get back to me.

# Husband #3 was from field services: he said everything checked out diagnostically but he just couldn’t get the system up.

# Husband #4 was in telemarketing: even though he knew he had the order, he didn’t know when he would be able to deliver.

# Husband #5 was an engineer: he understood the basic process but wanted three years to research, implement, and design a new state-of-the-art method.

# Husband #6 was from finance and administration: he thought he knew how, but he wasn’t sure whether it was his job or not.

# Husband #7 was in marketing: although he had a nice product, he was never sure how to position it.

# Husband #8 was a psychologist: all he ever did was talk about it.

# Husband #9 was a gynecologist: all he did was look at it.

# Husband #10 was a stamp collector: all he ever did was… God! I miss him! But now that I’ve married you, I’m really excited!”

“Good,” said the new husband, “But… why?”

“You’re a lawyer. This time I know I’m gonna get screwed!”