TinyBit

I am so upset! First off, I am grown (30) and have my own family...

Today, me and my daughter (age 1) went over there after church. My dad is the paranoid type, always thinks everyone is out to get him, talking about him, or something. I trailed my mom home and when we walked in, my Dad is like "Why didn't you sit with me at church...." (She sat in the back because she came in late, but later in the service after collection, she discretely joined him as not to disrupt service) and she responds "I did sit with you..." And he procedes to scream and yell really loudly (louder than usual, he gets up set easily and often) and he walked up to her and put his hands on her arms and is grabbing her arms and pushing at her and yelling.

So I'm thinking I don't believe I am seeing this. Growing up although he has always been short tempered and yells (I'd say verbally abusive) I had never ever seen him put his hands on her ever!

So I go in the kitchen where they are and tell him to stop and he looks at me crazy and mad and I (without yelling) tell him I know he's mad but he does not need to put his hands on her like that. He yells at me "You're both wrong! This doesn't concern you! Go back to the living room and sit down" and I pleaded that I love him but he needs to stop and he keeps yelling so I say "We're leaving!"

(sorry I'm crying now)

The look on my mom's face was so pityful like she was embarrased and hurt

I grabbed my daughter out the living room and said "She does not need to see this" and my dad is like "Oh she doesn't even know what's going on" And I said yes she does and stormed out

and now I'm so upset I can't stop crying.

FYI My mom would never get divorced.

Honestly, I think I know the answer, it is just so hard! We have been together since high school, married for seven years and have a 14 month old beautiful baby girl. It is a few issues:

1. I am the primary care taker. I work full time (he works part time), I cook, clean, take care of the baby, organize / mail the bills, etc. All this while he plays online video games.

2. He plays online video games - like an addiction. Wakes up in the morning to play, plays on his luch break, plays at night. Life revolves around that. If I want to make plans for us, I hope he doesn't have something schedule that night with his online gaming friends. Sometimes if I need him to hold the baby while I...say...get dinner ready, he might say no because he is doing something important on the game and he tells me to put her in her crib or play pin (where she will cry) but it's okay for babies to cry sometimes he says.

3. And to me, the most deal breaking issue, he develops relationships with females on these games. I left him about 4 years ago because one relationship got so out of hand that he was running up our phone bill calling the girl (who lives across the country and is married with kids). He convinced me to take him back and I did as he promised nothing like that would never happen again, but it did. I forgave again, things were good, and while I was pregnant, he started communicating with her again. Their conversations are very inappropriate, of how they want to be together when the time is right, and she has even sent him naked pics.

She got mad at him and emailed me while I was pregnant to tell me of their communication. I should have left then and there, but I was naive. I confronted him, he was livid at her and promised (yet again) that it would never happen anymore. I though (dumbly) that when the baby came maybe he would finally get his priorities together but...

...he didn't.

Yes, we've been to counseling a few years ago and he wasn't very receptive to that and felt "attacked".

I feel like he's had way too many chances and even if it wasn't this girl, it would just be another.

Part of my struggle comes from the fact that he is (to my knowlege) not cheating in the flesh, but I know...emotional infidelity hurts just as much.

I really do plan to end it next month (I have a predetermined date), I am just trying to mentally prepare for it all. Sometimes I don't know if I have the strength to go through with it.

What do you think?