aching_for_perfection

For the past 2.5 years we've had a written agreement (NOT a court appointed custody order) stating what days our 3 year old will be with each of us. Now him and his girlfriend are trying to change it by intimidating me. His girlfriend has been texting me today basically saying, this is the way it's going to be, see you on sunday (a day before his usual pick up day)....and they want to keep him for 7 days (sun-sun) instead of the usual 6. Now I'm afraid they won't bring him back on the 6th day. She's calling me selfish for not allowing this to happen. I don't think I'm being selfish for wanting my rightful time with my son, and I think they are starting the alienation process (they allow my son to call her "mommy", my son has said "[ex's gf] says you're lazy and a bad mom" [this woman has met me once in the past 2.5 yrs]) so I think that spending more time with them and less with me would be detrimental. She's saying that they're going to take me to court for custody (which is his go-to threat any time I don't give him what he wants, when he wants) b/c it's "in his best interest".

So because I have not agreed to the new arrangement, what can I do if they don't bring him home on the day he's supposed to come home?

(don't worry, I will be speaking to a lawyer tomorrow, I just wanted to ease my mind for today)

my sons father and I split up about 2.5 yrs ago (we were never married). We made a custody agreement and both signed it. I have him for 8 days (sunday-the following Monday) and ex has him for 6 days (Monday evening-Sunday eve). It worked for us in the beginning.

Now my son is going to be 4 and I want to put him into preschool this coming September. It would be very beneficial to him to be around other kids his age and he can work on his social skills (ei. learning how to share, not hitting and tantruming to get what he wants). But there's no preschools that will allow kids to be enrolled only every other week.

So yesterday when my ex dropped our son off to me, he told me that he wanted to switch his days b/c he will no longer be able to pick him up/drop him off at all during the week mon-fri. He wants sat-sat or sun-sun.

I brought up preschool (and elementary school, since it's only just over a year away) and how the schedule needs to be. My ex moved to a different city just over a year ago and takes about an hour to drive here, and no bus route (I can't drive) for me to access my son. He told me he's been talking to numerous lawyers who have all told him that my son will need to be enrolled at a school that is right in the middle of our homes. which would mean that my son and I would have to travel possibly over an hour on the bus to get to school, and the same to get back home....while my 7 year old son will either have to travel with us and be about 2 hours late for his own school, or be left to his own devices before and after school and that is not appropriate. Switching schools is not an option b/c he's in a really good school and I shouldn't have to uproot him.

My ex threw it in my face that I'm only thinking about what I want and not about what's in the best interest of our son. But seriously, how is traveling over an hour to and from school in his best interest? How is that arrangement in my other child's best interest?

I guess my question is what do I need to do now? Should I file for sole custody? Should I just talk to him? Should I file for custody and talk to him in the meantime?

This man is very manipulative and in the past two years if I haven't given him anything he wants (like if he wants to keep my son an extra day or so) he threatens to take me to court for custody.

i'm sorry this is so long....

i went out with my bf for 15 months, until i broke up with him for lying to me a lot. it's been a month and we're both so confused. we both love each other but i don't know if too much has been said and done to fix anything.

after we broke up, i signed up for pof to try to get over him. i went on a date with someone and ended up kissing this guy. then i exchanged numbers with another guy and have been texting back and forth, just friendly "hey how's it going" kind of stuff. my ex knew about both of these guys.

then we talked about how we both want to get back together, we still love each other. but he wants to stay friends first and then see where that takes us. to me, that means that we'll be friends for god knows how long, and none of our issues will be worked on or fixed. when/if we started going out again, our issues will come right back and slap us in the face. i told him this, that we need to either get back together now, or just leave each other alone. it hurts too much to be friends with someone you loved and lived with for over a year, and that you still love.

we had a crying session and he slept over (no, we didn't have sex) and we just kinda held each other and accepted that it was over. he told me that he wasn't going to look for anybody else. i told him that i'll always love him and that when he's ready to have an honest relationship with me, to give me a call. he called me the next day and asked to hang out.

then, i found out that day from a friend of mine, that he's on pof and chatting it up with her, telling her that he wants a girl to spend his time with.

so i confronted him about it, he denied it, of course. (i saw the messages so i know he's lying). we had a huge fight.

after he left, he texted me this:

"i never lied that i was on pof i just answered questions. u know what the worst part even after everything we just said, i still love you and miss you and see your damn face when i close my eyes. i was answering questions i guess i replied b/c i'm still jealous of (guy that was texting me). i'm jealous of (texting guy) very jealous there i said it. i'm feeling emotions i've never felt in the breakup and i don't know how to deal with them. i'm not a bad person i'm just so god damn confused with my emotions i don't know how to handle them, i'm sorry for the things i said. i saw red and acted."

that was last night and i haven't texted him back or called.

i guess my question is....should i wait for him to sort out his emotions? or should i move on? should we try to be friends or just forget about it?

i'm currently on persons with persistent multiple barriers (like welfare, but almost like disability but not quite b/c i'm not physically or mentally handicapped. so sort of in between) and i want to go to college this coming september. i have two choices...

1. go full-time. i'll be cut off of ppmb and i will have to take out a massive student loan of about $20,000 to support myself (i also have two kids i need to support, i'm a single mom) and pay for tuition, things like daycare, transit, food, rent, etc. but i will be finished school in 10 months.

2. go part-time. i'll still be allowed to stay on ppmb, thus being able to feed, clothe and shelter my kid without going into massive debts. but the overall cost of part-time courses ($9000) is higher than full-time ($6,500), and it'll take me 2.5-5 yrs to complete. which will mean that i'll have to stay on ppmb for that time.

please don't bash me for being on assistance. my ultimate goal is to get off of it, but in the meantime it's there to help ppl like me who need the help.

On the CF website, they say that in addition to free tuition, you will receive salary and benefits while attending college. Just wondering what that salary is? Like, is it enough to live off of every month, or is it just a few hundred dollars/month. I'm asking b/c I want to enroll in the CF to get my dental assisting program paid for, and I want to know if I'll still have to take out gov't student loans as well.

I tried dying my bleached hair dark brown and it turned a dull blue. Can I put brown or black dye over it again and have it turn out ok? Please don't just say go to a pro, I want an real answer

So I bleached my hair (professionally) a few months ago. She also put a brown toner in to make it a darker blond. I wanted to go back to brown, so I bought a dark brown colour. I thought that it would've turned out fine b/c I thought the toner she used would've acted as the filler. It didn't. It turned a dark dull blueish grey. So I've been reading online answers to similar questions and there have been a few things: some ppl have said to just dye it again the same colour, some ppl said to but a hair stripper and strip the colour, and somebody else said to use a red shampoo. I'm not sure which option I should use. Please don't say go see a professional b/c I can't afford it (otherwise I would've gone there in the first place).

a recently developed some bumps on my vaginal area and anus. they're very fleshy-feeling, not like a rash...kind of feels like a skin tag would. there's about 6 of them. not itchy, inflamed, red, or anything. they don't bother me or make the area uncomfortable, but i'm kind of freaking out. could this be an std? my bf has nothing going on with his area.

i recently got a shaw hd pvr and was really excited to record some programs and watch them, and rewind, etc. live tv. but it seems like none of the play back buttons do what they're supposed to do. i can't pause, rewind, ff, or anything for live tv. and the shows that i have recorded i can't play at all. my pvr says they've been recorded, the play button, etc. don't work

know any good books about becoming a step-father and a step-family?

Today I uninstalled mozilla firefox b/c I had a bunch of unwanted toolbars that I couldn't get rid of. So after it uninstalled, I opened internet explorer to d/l firefox again, and nothing will load. I checked my internet connection and I am connected. I managed to reinstall firefox, and the same thing is happening and nothing will load.

my bf and i have been together for 3 months now. he hardly ever kisses me....i kiss him and he kisses back, but if i didn't make the first move i feel like we'd never kiss. we cuddle together all the time, and he wraps his arms around me when we go to bed. but he's not romantic at all, he's actually kind of lazy in bed (like he expects me to be on top all the time), he's never eaten me out even after i asked him to, and he doesn't kiss me. i don't know what my question is here lol maybe i'm just venting....i've tried talking to him about it and he just says he's shy.

my youngest son's father and i have been split up since december, he left me. i have been letting him see his son, as well as my older son who isn't his biological child, whenever he wants. today he served me with papers b/c he wants 50% custody of our son. i don't want to argue with him, and i think it's great that he wants to be involved in his son's life, as well as my older son...my older son's biological father isn't around at all.

anyways, my question is this...right now b/c i have him full time, i receive the cctb (canada child tax benefit) and uccb (universal child care benefit) for him. but if i only have him 50% of the time, would i still be eligible to receive those payments? would my ex be able to try to get it? he makes a lot more money than i do and doesn't pay child support (the order hasn't gone through yet, and when it does i doubt he will pay, as he is already $17,000 in arrears for his 10yo daughter), so i really have to use the cctb and uccb for food, clothes, bills, etc.

my 5yo son started complaining this afternoon that his penis is hurting inside. tonight i looked at it and it's swollen (and no it's not an erection) and red. what could this be? he's uncircumcised btw.

i want to know everyone's opinion's about this april fool's prank i want to play on my bf.

i want to tell him i'm pregnant, even though i'm not. in a way i kind of want to know what his reaction will be, for future reference. btw, we're both adults, he's 32 i'm 25.

my bf and i started a "sext" conversation a little over a week ago. just words, no pics...talking about our fantasies....anyways, not he wants to sext all the time. like i'll be texting him about one thing and then all of a sudden he'll start talking about sex. he's not like that in person at all, he's cuddly and isn't overly sexual in person. in person the convo is anything but sex. but it's getting kind of annoying that almost every text i get is about what he wants to do to me. i like doing it, but not so much...how do i let him know this without making him feel...idk what word to use...turned down?

please note: we're both adults, i'm 25 he's 31

i've started dating two men....please no rude comments, i'm not sleeping with them. anyways, they're both very nice guys, should i tell them about each other? (i don't mean details about the other one, but just that i have been seeing another guy). would it be wrong of me to keep it to myself? btw i don't plan on continuing this, when i get to know them better i will make a decision.

ok i've been going out with this guy for about a month and when we're together we're great. but the past few times we were supposed to get together, he blew me off at the last minute. we're supposed to get together tomorrow night, but i just have this huge feeling that he's going to blow me off again. i basically want to tell him i'm pissed at what he's doing, but i don't want to come off as really bitchy or like we're in a committed relationship and he HAS to spend time with me. the past two times he blew me off, he said it was work related (he owns his own company), but i sort of don't believe him...but again, i don't want to come off as bitchy in case it really IS work related.

btw, all of this will be through text....we don't talk on the phone, neither of us like to.

i'm a single mom of two boys. i don't want to date men with kids. the reason being, is that i have dated men with kids in the past, one of them being my youngest son's father. when his daughter wasn't around, everything was good, he treated my older son good and even claimed he loved him like he was his own son. but as soon as his daughter stepped in the door, he treated my son like crap, and treated me like crap.

another issue would be the child support issue. if i fall in love with a guy (like i did with my ex) and start a family with him and get married, there's going to be a lot of money being put out that we might need to support ourselves (with my ex, some months we were struggling to pay rent and buy food, and i had to go to the food bank quite a few times).

i know i can't judge all men with kids and i'm sure there's some great guys out there, but i just don't want to take that risk again.

am i so wrong for not wanting to date a man that has kids?