a girl

I guess I have a twisted mind I keep being obsessed with someone who never cared for me. I think with time we both changed and 10 years later I still fantasize about him. I feared to tell him how I felt so I was sad when he got married. He emotionally cheated on her with me but it was over online contact.. he hasn't seen me in person I've changed for the worse and he does not even like me. We just don't go together. But I keep wanting to be with him. Put my life on pause every day. I'm still scared he doesn't want me he hasn't directly told me.. what is wrong with me. I keep fantasizing he is my spouse.. I also,isolated myself completely no friends no life no interaction. I even began shopping addiction. I can't stop my thoughts from coming in ofrom him.

I grew up in a religious house and been told what is right and wrong well I always felt I was the worst evil. I,still feel that. I,make all the wrong choices, all selfish ones.. I don't care for others and I have no self esteem. Also,I'm really ugly and only way people like me is if i hide behind makeup. That also makes me fake. To be honest, im a b**** at home and at heart. I had a bitter childhood i was taught that but i kno it comes from within. how do I soften my heart? I am also really angry always I think because I got hooked on shopping it's an addiction now because I'm way too sensitive in relationships and wi the people I easily get hurt.

I feel like some kind of a drug addict... I look back and like I wasted it all .. I had such bad depression all I did w as spend hours and hours at home. I also suffer agoraphobia I can barely leave the house and all normal people are living their lives while I'm here stuck being a teenager. I froze in time. I also mourned a love of a guy who Im still hung up on. I feel disgusting. I turned 25 and had a meltdown Cuz it hit me.. how to pick up the pieces :'( I have been in isolation

I have done some research and I might have a love addiction. I also notice myself always having to do a pick me up by a bunch of other things like shopping, Music, food, movies.. so it's like a bundle of addictions.. friends too and family.. most of all I think about that one person the whole time and feels like on cloud 9 but at same time, I feel anxious, guilty, very anxious of people, and my moo unstable, having no confidence too. I realize these but I can't stop. I heard this is hard to treat. Oh and I fall in love easily with people just to get crashed and burned later. What is wrong with me. I had a very traumatic childhood so it's hard but even this I feel I am indulging.. I always thought it was OK but it kind of make sense. I also isolate myself and I feel behind on all things I should be at in my 25th year of life . Also is there hope for future normal relationship Im scared will turn into a love/ sex addiction too :'(

Like a woman who's a total *****. A rude person

Like does it suggest something they watched next?

I'm naturally blonde but I don't feel like I identify with it.. I have heard a lot of people disliking blondes. But should I just stick with my natural color? I feel like I'm pretending if I dont?

Or high maintenance women.. like ones that wear a lot of makeup .. ? I feel like brunettes or those with no makeup are better because they are more laid back.

That's a 25 year old female .

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=Wn91Pur_b-A

So this have been ruining my social gatherings and I even developed some kind of amxiety I constantly worry that guys are unwelcome of my presence because they get very irritated if a woman gives them a ***** in public but also because she notices? And also if she is ugly.. I'm ugly as **** but also I notice everything and now I song know how to not think about it. I worry I dress inappropriately and slight wrong move of my body language and they seem to pick up on. It is so bad I want to lock at home and never come out again.. also am I sexual depriced? Wtf is happening. I've never been in relationship and I have a fear of sex and anything sexual.

I think I always had this problem just realizing now. :O I have worst terrifying fear of public and being around people well its so bad I freak out and noticed my stomach starts turning like I just took a stool softener.. I swear I must smell like feces all the time. No wonder I have no friends I can't take the panic anymore either my blood pressure is out of control

This is not a joke please try and give an advice

. Ok so i have a special place in my heart for cats cuz when i was a child i had one and when my father would scream on top of his lungs and scare me really bad, the cat would come sit at my lap and take care of me. It was a gesture neither of my parents ever learned like all i needed was to be calmed down. Also my mother never shielded me from my father who without a doubt was capable of murder, she never left. All i needed was for her to. So i never relied on her for protection. She chose religion amd i still think that was the most psychopathic thing she could of done. Anyway when we hang out (me and my cat), it's like she is my caretaker. I don't kno. I think of those stories of people being raised by animals and I kind of feel like this reminds me of that. Also my mother I have alays loved more than myself and I suffer ptsd I think and major depression. I'm also 25 but I feel like I'm stuck being a child permanently

i don't know how i am going to survive living this world.. over the years it's just gotten worse. i dont know what is wrong with me. i know it might be BPD but how to stop this excruciating pain :( im trying to live so hard but it's unbearableone.. im just wasting this life and ruining it all for everyone. one example is when im around my friends i don't ever feel loved. i try to focus on my appearance so i am seen as attractive that seems to make them stay.. especially men but i don't know how to be friends with them. especially when they are in a relationship. i feel so awkward and i feel such panic like they don't have enough room for me or our friendship. i can't stay in touch with them :( i avoid them. is that normal? maybe it is. at 24 . but im so lonely and friendless now. i also don't have a significant other. i don't ever see anyone being able to love me.

I was a child and I was always HORRIFIED of seeing a naked person. I saw this one movie 'human nature' and it HAUNTED me for years. I grew up in an abusive childhood though but the movie had nothing bad in it just calm, naked people in a few shots but I was so shocked and terrified it was one of the scariest things for me. .I am not sure why but thinking about it even now hurts.. do you know why this could be? I remember as a really small girl, I just felt like my brain finally developed, and I remember these showers my father used to give us. I also remember feeling VERY uncomfortable when he would wash me down there. it felt wrong and I felt violated. I was terrified of him though. he physically and emotionally abused and terrified our family all our lives. so I think he sexually molested me. I remember feeling like it was wrong what he did because he would wash the private area for too long. I was like ok I think its clean now. why are you still having your hand there. last time he did that, I remember I was a little bit older more aware and I gave him this look like 'don't touch me' and he stopped. we also were super strict Christian household so yeah lots of issues there

i really need to build my confidence but when i do, i have a hard time accepting the emotional abuse i accepted as a child. for example i would try to forgive myself for messing up and then remember how my dad always messed up by being so mean to us and i have a hard time getting anywhere.. i am not sure why my father comes into play here but to accept myself, it feels that i must accept my father for who he was and i don't want to accept that because what he did was not ok. i would have to dismiss all the bad things he put me through.

I feel like sex sometime is a way for a person to deal with stress and get away from life. I find myself craving it a lot more than what most people sounds like. I am starting to think I am very abnormal. I had a tough childhood- my father used to beat me badly I have very serious abandonment issues and this just feels wrong. it feels unhealthy or for wrong reasons I crave it and WITH WRONG PEOPLE. how do I have a healthy sex life and how to know when it is a problem

I have no self control. I noticed when im stressed, I want sweets (sometimes dark chocolate is ok though because it's also healthy) but I noticed I eat bad when im stressed. I also eat A LOT. how can I control myself. I feel so much better if I eat a vegetable as a snack but I just have no control.

a few years ago I found out I have borderline personality disorder . I had a very hard time accepting it and I feel terrible because it makes me hurt people like I lash out at those I love and I don't mean to feel this way but I think im the reason our family is dysfunctional.. it's unbearable sometimes to talk to each other. I haven't even gone into therapy because I don't think im worthy of it.. I almost allow this illness to keep ruining my life, how can I stop blaming myself.. ive done many things Im not proud of , I feel like I should pay for them for the rest of life. maybe this is my punishment :(

ok so I cannot work with other people, I am the biggest introvert, (slowly getting out of it I think but will take me YEARS) I had some traumatic childhood experienced that shut me down so I cannot work in social setting and I have such a big passion for my own business. I love everything. creating and making product myself, advertising, etc. I have already started it on a side but it will definitely not be enough money I'd make to survive. how do i get to the point where I'd make decent money that i could survive off

ok I am always buying things off ebay. I have a collection I am very into but there are so many things always put on sale that I always keep buying (even when I don't want to but im afraid someone else will buy). i have been in denial of a lot of things in life and this never felt wrong to me but do addicts always think that way anyway? i am trying to think outside the box. this shopping brough me a lot of problems too